My knowledge about sexual obsessions.

Hello,
I just can't sleep and i felt like writing some things down just random, then i had a better idea i'll share some things i know about sexual obsessions in OCD.
The sexual obsessions i will discusse are POCD (pedophillia) and HOCD(homosexuality).

These 2 types are very similair and Work the same way, the difference is the fear.
I will be discussing both fears seperated.

First some information about OCD.
These 2 are types of Pure-O.

The difference between Pure-O and OCD is the compulsions.
Pure-O sufferers have mental compulsions (such as as mentally checking) and OCD sufferers have pshysical compulsions (such as checking doorknocks, handwashing)
Pure-O is also a form of OCD because it has the Obsession and the Compulsions.
As mentioned before, HOCD and POCD are type of Pure-O and therefof sometimes not recognized by certain therapists and misdiagnosed as homesexuality/pedophillia.

------------------OBSESSIONS--------------------

Obsessions mostly start with and intrusive thought such as "what if i'm attracted to the same sex?".
At this point there is a difference between and OCD sufferer and a 'normal' person.
"normal person" : may experience a little anxiety but let's the thought go and moves on.
OCD sufferer: a malfunction in the brain causes the person to have a hard time letting the thought go, the person experiences anxiety and start worrying if the thought may be true.

Now the person cannot let the thought/fear go and it sticks and starts obsessing.

Here an easy example:
A person suddenly think of a red ball (intrusive thoughts)
The red ball scares him and tries to not think of the red ball, because he tries to not think of it, the thought stays.
Next time when he sees a ball, the color red he will be reminded of the red ball and will start worrying again.
This is an simple example of how obsessions work.

The worrying about it, analysing is called ruminating what is part of the obsession.

---------------------------------------COMPULSIONS--------------------------------

Compulsions are things the sufferer repeats over and over again.
As mentioned in the beginning, for these forms of OCD the compulsions are mentally.
Compulsions are done by the sufferer to find relief from anxiety.

Examples of compulsions in Pure-O:
- checking for attraction
- checking for pshysical arousal
- repeativly asking reansurance
- having the need to admit or ask if you done something wrong.

Compulsions may relief anxiety for the sufferer in short-term but on the long-term it makes it even worse.
The more the compulsions are done, the more the OCD get's "fed up".
And so the worse the person will get.


------------------------------------------------SPIKES----------------------------------

People here probably have seen other say "i have a spike".
For those that do not know what a spike is;
A spike basically is burst of anxiety that is mostly caused by something.
If you would go to a HOCD sufferer and say "you're gay and you don't have OCD" then he will get a burst of anxiety what is a spike.
Spikes can be caused by many things;
- remembering a "sign" from the past
- reading something
- hearing something like the word gay/pedo
- false attraction (explonation later)

------------------------------HOCD (homosexual obsessif compulsif disorder)-------------------------

The fear of being gay is common for aswell male as female.
Typical characterstics of a HOCD sufferer:
- not much/none sexual experience
- low self-confidence
- not much/none good relationships
- young age (14-24)

Attention: not having these things does not mean that you do not have HOCD, these are things that are common. But there are ALOT of exceptions.

HOCD is mostly set off by an intrusive thought as i explained before.
This could be "im attracted to him/her" , "what if im attracted?" , and ma h others are possible.
The sufferer is not gay and does not want to be, this "i could be gay" thought scares him then afcourse.

He starts to get obsessed.

The compulsions that a HOCD sufferer might do are these:

- look at gay pornographic, then to straight or lesbian porno. To see if he get's aroused and if he likes it or not.
The person does this to test himself.
- search for "am i gay" tests on the internet.
- repeativly asking reansurance and needing to know that it is OCD and not homosexuality.
- check out every same sex person they see to check if they are attracted.

These are a few examples.
The problem is that they can cause more anxiety instead of relieving anxiety.
When the person asks for reansurance about wether or not he is gay.
And someone replys that he is gay, maybe a person without knowledge about OCD, then the sufferer wil have a spike and will feel even worse and will need even more reansurance.

The testing is also a bad compulsions.
They test if they are aroused by the gay fantasies or not, the problem is that in many cases (>1/2) they are getting aroused.
BUT, this is not because they are gay.
Arousal can be caused by several more things.
When the person is young,hormones are racing through the body and basically anything could turn you on.

More common is the gronial response,
A gronial response means that the person get's aroused without being sexually attracted to the fantasies.
A gronial response can be lot's of things; an erection, getting wet, ejaculation, even an orgasm, or sometimes just a strange feeling in the gronial area.

How is this possible?
Well, there are 3 main reasons why this happends.

1) the anxiety makes that the body produces adrenaline and, lets the blood go faster what can cause a gronial response.
2) the person is focusing so much on the gronial area that he/she get's an gronial response because he/she is focusing on it (most common reason)
3) the brain copes the fantasies that the person uses to test himself as "sexual" what causes arousal.

I myself am a male, i used to have HOCD.
There has been a point where i tested myself so much that after a while i could not get/maintain an erection for a week.
I am pointing this out here to show that testing is not good for anything.

The checking compulsions:
This compulsions is done the most of all.
Everytime the sufferer sees a person of the same sex he tries to test himself if he is attracted.
And in matter in fact he will feel attraction.

What? How's that possible ?
It's very simple;

We, have a form of attraction towards everything and everyone.
This attraction is not sexual.
People with HOCD will think of a same sex person and think that the attraction that they feel is sexual attraction while it is not.
When they try to test their attraction towards the other sex they will not feel an attraction.
This is because anxiety and depression caused by OCD makes the sufferer to be not intrested in sexual things. (does not mean they do not mastrubate)
This is commonly called "false attraction"

When tey think of a opposite sex person they will say "i feel like i don't like it".
What is not possible, because it is a thought and not a feeling. And the thoughts of a person with OCD is distorted.

People woth HOCD will many times pay attention to they way they walk,talk, dress, ..... To make sure that they do not look gay.

Many times they will bring up memories such as "when i was 16 i mastrubted to a same sex person a few times".
And they will think that this makes them gay.
What is not true!
I for example have mastrubated a few times to gay thoughts and i am straight.
If you did it like 5 times then now think abojt how many times you fantisized about the opposite sex ? 2000 times ? So this means that you are certainly not gay.

------------------------------------------------POCD (pedophillia obsessif compulsif disorder)---------------------

This works the exact same way as HOCD does.
Pedophillia can ,from what i've found in studys, not start after the age of 13 unless caused by a severe trauma.

Here again, gronial responses are very common even more common then for HOCD.
Why? Because childeren have genitals just like adults do and thinking of this can cause arousal.

People with POCD also report that they lost attraction to their age group and feel attration towards kids.

Some will also tell you that they don't feel attraction to all kids, maybe just one sex or one age group.
Does this mean that they are pedophiles ?
No it does not.

Theh will feel attraction towards everyone they fear to feel attraction.
When theh see a child and don't fear to feel attraction (as before the obsession) they will not have any feeling, if they do fear to be attracted then they will feel attraction.
So a common thought for a POCD sufferer is "i only feel attraction to girl the age of ..... This mean its real"
Well just think a little about what i just said, you fear to be attracted to them, and them only because that would mean it's real.
Well it's not.

They will also dig in the past looking for signs.
Me; i mastrubated a few times on a girl of 10 when i was 14 (thought she was 12).
This spiked me at first afcourse but then again , maybe 10 pedophilliac fantasies of the 2000+ times i've mastrubated.
I don't think it is a sign of anything except that i was horney at that age.


--------------------------------------------BEATING IT------------------------------------

Beating it is not possible if you fight it, basically you need to give in to it.
Accept the possibility that you might be gay/ pedophila.

Accept the fact that worrying over it won't change it anyway so it has no use.
Accept that you do not need to know the answer.

When this does not work by yourself you might consider going to pshychiatrist/OCD specialist for an official diagnose .
This perscon can then put you on medication or give you therapy.
The forms of theraphy are called Cognetif Behaveral Theraphy (CBT).

If you want to beat it you need to stop all compulsions.
- do not ask reansurance
- do not check if you get aroused or if you are attracted.
- do not question your feeling.
- when you spike try to sit with the anxiety and do not let the fear take over

Don't ask people what your sexual orientation is, you don't even know it so they can't possible know.
Try to use the "meh whatever" attitude.
When OCD says "you're a pedo/gay" you say " no i'm the pedobear/gayest"
Conquer your fear.

When you see a horror movie with a scary monster and you go to bed you see the monster everywhere in the darkness.
Why? Because you fear it!
If you didn't fear it then you wouldn't think of it and then you wouldn't see the monster everywhere.
When you conquere your fear over the monster , the monster will be gone because it was never there in the first place!
OCD works the same way.

-------------------------------------------------------__________________________________------------------------

This is some things i know about OCD, feel free to correct me if i said any mistakes or to ask questions if there are any.

Peace out, michael

Wow Michael, you pretty much described me completely in your anaylsis. Absolutely perfect.

Every single thing you describe is what I have. I can't express how precise and accurate your anaylsis is.

Thing is, your strategy of beating it i.e. "excepting you might be gay" is the fear, so that is harder to conquer. It's not something one wants to accept.

Also, as you say my libido towards women is mostly gone, though in certain circumstances comes back for a few moments.

I am very depressed at the moment and a psychiatrist is expensive.

that makes perfect sense because the other day, I went by a school to see some graffiti and it was right when the school was getting out so there were kids around it triggered my intrusive thoughts HARD, it made me worried if people thought I was something like that our if the cops were gonna be called on me, then I went downtown saw and I felt like I was aroused, but I wasn't it was just anxiety and I was checking which made the anxiety way worse but my dick didn't move

Good effort MichaelC. Your profile is exactly what HOCD is like. You explained it all beautifully. I fully endorse your reasoning too. You go with the obsessive thoughts to break the emotion attached to them. Sometimes people think this way can't be right but when you understand the idea that OCD thoughts don't come from any logic centre of the brain. They are just biological events so you don't have to think they are reasonable or about you personally. You don't have to own them as true credentials of you at all. They are merely your random OCD thoughts. When you think that, then you can welcome them and then dismiss them without attaching anxiety to them. It isn't the thought but the anxiety that keeps the same thought coming. Anyway you didn't waste your time not sleeping. Impressive effort.

thank you for this post, i had HOCD in the past, Harm ocd last year, and ROCD, wich leaded to POCD, and i recognise almost everything i did or thought in it. And i don't want to give other people worries, and this will be a common question we will all have asked ourselves, : "is it possible that i'm gay/pedo with ocd?

No Lorian. You have OCD. If you welcomed the OCD gay thoughts then they would be in accord with your true identity. Then you would be gay. Your thoughts create considerable anxiety and keep coming in that intrusive frightening way because they aren't about you. They are OCD. See if you were gay the thoughts would be confirming what you already knew about yourself. You would welcome the thoughts.

Hello i really need some help.i started having sexual intrusive thoughts few yrs back when my niece was born but i learnt to ignore it but for the past year ita come back and its got worse and worse as time has gone one.i have images and thoughts that i hate im constantly anlazying them checkin if i loke then.i will sit there n be like did i like that was that arousal but it was anxiety.i keot thinking im evil and that i like these things of sexual abuse when i dont.i then used to picture stuff i do like and be like see thats arousal the other is just anxiety.but now ita got ao bad i fear it so much and its got so muc worse since i became pregnant.i would never harm a child and if i picture any abuse it makes me gag anx im sic with anxiety.i fear being attracted to children coz i no im not a sicko.ao i will look at them.and anallyzr normally im lke no way but the past few days iv looked at say at bottoms with trouaers on for reaaure to test myself n im like no way but when im staring its like my mind is sayin you do like this and it makes.me believe i find it attractive but straight away im like no i would never.could i think awww their bum looks cute as people say about babys and can my mind distort reality.i got tols if u look for something u fear ie do i find them nice you will them think it and it will feel real but tats what scarwsme.im such a loving caring person i love my niece n kids but in a normal way.i am seein a v
Counciller for intrusive thoughts and im waiting on therapy and i am on meds.but each time its got wose.it went from flashin images to me analzying them in depth now to this.they believe i have ocd but what can ocd do i cant stop obsessing over it its killin me and my marriage.i fear it so much andso scardd im.not gona get better i fear everything if i change a nappy i feel uncomfortble. wen im wih kids i get this feelin in my hand which to me felt like i was reaching out but i have no desire what so ever i got told it was a symptom and im creating it all. im anxious

I've probably visited this 5 times and read through it since I've been diagnosed with OCD. I have both of these types and your description is well on both of these. I check for reassurance the most as one of my compulsions and avoid certain situations that will trigger them. Another common compulsion I have will be thought blocking or saying certain words in my head to make them go away. I will try and remember things from my past that will make me think I was gay all along or a pedophile. An example will be "that thing I did in the past was gay" I must of always been gay or "what if I got molested when I was younger and that's why I am attracted to little girls". It's a very disturbing OCD theme to have. I'll have to say my hocd is worse and that I think hocd is worse than pocd. On the contreary my hocd and pocd over lap with each other. Latley my pocd has been getting a little worse tho. My sister had her 12 year old friend over and a thought popped in my head that "she's going to be attractive when she's older" then I thought what if I really like 12 year olds? I then masturbated to an older girl and started to masturbate to then 12 year old to see if I was really a pedophile. I could not orgasm and stopped because I was too disturbed. In a way I guess thats like people with hocd masturbating to gay porn. Luckily I never got that bad that I had to do that but I lived with hocd for 3 years before getting diagnosed with OCD. I'm now on an ssri but that's not good enough. I need therapy soon. These 2 aren't the only kind I have. I have one more and that's taboo incest thoughts. I don't know why I have all sexual OCD thoughts. I sometimes wish I had a contamination theme or any kind of OCD theme that wasn't sexual. I do think sexual OCD themes are the most commonly linked themes to suicide. Before getting diagnosed I often would think I would eventually have to commit suicide because I wouldn't be able to live with these Thoughts. I would often hope the world would just end so I could live at piece. I'm an atheist but sometimes I would think what if heaven and hell end up being real and I go to hell because I have these intrusive gay thoughts. I hope these all go away with therapy. We will see

Hi Michael I think I've had hocd for a month now I'm 16 n have multiple crushes on girls and only girls . Idk how it got into my head but I think a random thought got into my head about what if I'm gay and that week I got so depressed and couldn't stop thinking about it all day n couldn't sleep at night so I tested myself that night by masturbating to straight porn . I've never
Questioned my sexuality before this I've always been attracted sexually and romantically to girls n only got horny n masturbated to girls but that week after I masturbated that night I couldn't get an erection n I was so depressed n scared n kept having thoughts like what if I turn gay? I was so awkward n had to keep checking people girls n boys n i felt like i lost my attraction n it was hard to be around guys . The next week I felt better after reading some forums on hocd n doing active stuff n reassuring myself like im straight n like girls n only girls sexually n romantically n reading the bible, I felt good like my old self I felt straight again . But now it has come back n the anxiety is not as much but thoughts are still there. Now thoughts are still there n it's scaring me because it makes me
think I'm attracted to some guy in my school, I can't stop thinking about it keeps saying what if u like him that makes you gay. N one time when he was near me my gut hurt so bad. Even at night i can't sleep because it keeps saying u like him even though I know I don't n it makes me want to vomit . I've always been kind of jealous of him because he's good looking n is "cool". Does this sound like hocd to u? N can hocd make false attractions like this to a particular person? Because its scaring me right now I'm doing some eft tapping thing n it works a bit I say even though I still fear turning gay n fear being attracted to guys I deeply and completely accept myself n tapping pressure points will this help for long?

Also I think what spiked my thoughts more was I was reading a gay coming out story as a means of exposure but when I read that they thought they were emotionally attracted to girls until suddenly I forget but they went into depression trying to say they were straight but once they saw some guy they immediately knew they were gay n this scared the hell out of me