Intrusive thoughs of murder

I dont know if this post should go here or somewhere else... but i am bipolar, not sure if this has anything to do with my thoughts or not. Anyways, a few months ago my girlfriend and i broke up. This wasnt the normal break up, this was a very angry, nasty, verbal breakup. Right after the breakup i got extremely depressed, and ended up going to a mental hospital and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It has been about 2 months and i am much happier now than when i was with her. I dont miss her at all - honestly. But i have recently had these crazy thoughts of wanting to hurt her... not just hurt but torture and to kill. I know i would never act on these thoughts but these thoughts are getting much more detailed and extremely violent and are becoming more and more frequent. I am starting to lose my control of these thoughts, i can no longer "make them go away." They are beginning to affect my sleep and ability to concentrate. Should i be worried?

Hi,

Havign read your post first, I had naturally assumed that it was the bipolar forum that we are in, but I see that it's the OCD forum. To be honest, that's what this sounds like - i.e. OCD. Perhaps you should mention this to the psychiatrist who has been treating you. Instead of coping with the bipolar, the OCD should be looked at too. You should be aware that the thoughts you have are actually common in people with OCD, and they can be terrifying obviously. Don't feel too bad about bringing this up with your psychiatrist though. I have OCD - officially - and I had therapy to alleviate my symptoms.

Kevin

Hi riseagainst,

I agree with everything Kevin has said.

A couple of things I want to add. On one hand, it's possible that the more you try to actively chase this thought away, the more insidious it might become. These things kind of push back when you silently try to get rid of them.


And also, somewhat the opposite can happen. I'm gonna share a story with you that I just remembered from when I was 9. It's also one of the good memories that I have about my grandmother and her insight.

Out of nowhere, I started having this horrible, intrusive thought, roughly translated as "I want to tell God to go f*** Himself". I was devastated. I remember crying for about 20 minutes before I could finally get it out. I thought she would be mad and never forgive me. But she thought for a couple of minutes and then said to me, "It's not your fault. And next time you have this thought, change it to 'I DON'T want to tell God to go f*** Himself." So I said it exactly that way, and then repeated it. And I cried some more. And then after about a week, the thought went away. Sudden onset, quick recovery; I lucked out on that one.

This both acknowledges the thought (prevents it from pushing back) and nullifies it.


As I grew older, I developed a lot of anxieties. And many, many more thoughts started coming up. For some reason, I forgot about what my grandmother told me. And I started pushing these thoughts away. I started cussing at them; yelling at them. They just yelled harder. And then my fiance suggested that I simply try to be nice to "them."

I'm [not] an evil human being.
I'm [not] a bad housekeeper.

I [do not] want to harm my ex-girlfriend.

See where I'm going with this?

--Frayed