OCD when buy/get new things

Hi to all!
OCD!!! - I have it in various forms, from pure obsessions to obsessions-compulsions. It catch me when I decide to buy or get things, then thought appear that something will happen or I will catch a disease if I buy or get the thing I like. Then I buy other thing that doesn't cause such thought... something that I like less than the first one (for example I decide to buy an object, I go to shop and see the object "A" I want, but!!!!.... a thought appears "something will happen, if I buy this!!!" or "I will catch xxxxx disease if I buy this!!!" then I buy other thing/object "B" which I like less than object "A". It happens every time I get/buy something I like very much. My life is build by my OCD, it controls me with huge power I live life of my OCD, not my life!!!
There are thoughts with "names of diseases or bad things" in my mind, and if I do something (enter through a door, write something or do other activity) while there is such thought in mind, I must do the activity once again... and again while this thought is out of my mind. These thoughts flow in my mind and I try to suppress them which is very heavy for me.
This mad behavior get bigger through years...! I tried with some SSRIs and other anti-depressants but they make me so phlegmatic and had huge side effects, so I stopped taking them!
The OCD thoughts with buying or getting new things also relates to new people and friends I meet:( This is very annoying for me, especially with girlfriends.
I am from Bulgaria, so sorry for my english. I know no one can help me, just wanted to share my problem... problem - no not a problem... it's a nightmare!!!!!!!
Regards,
Nasko

Hi, Nasko! Don't worry, your english is fine. This really must be a nightmare. Do you think you could talk to a psych about it and find out what you can do to make it stop? I used to get these intrusive thoughts when I felt really stressed and getting rid of some of the stress by working out or doing something relaxing helped.
I hope you enjoy the forum!

Hi Nasko,

You describe the same thing that I experience! I found out that I think it has to do with me not allowing myself or getting anxious about allowing myself to have what I most desire. Perhaps you grew up not being able to have or know what you desire (rather than someone else who made the decisions for you). Thus, when you do inherently know what you desire, your anxiety rises and your WORST fears arise too. The thing I still try to do is... do what I'm most afraid of anyway and get the item I really want. I'm happier in the long run that way, even if it causes anxiety. That's how you break the cycle. Best wishes!

Anna O