Porn addiction & HOCD

My HOCD has just gotten worse... Ive been masturbating for like 3 years & ive never thought I would be addicted. I started off with girls in their underwear and all that. As the years have progressed ive been masturbating daily. Straight porn doesnt even catch my attention anymore. So I started masturbating to guys masturbating. It feels good and I can orgasm to that kind of porn
Nothing else can make me as hard as that kind. I dont even feel excited to do it anymore. When I finish it feels like I finished eating. It feels normal know. After I am done I have no feelongs towards guys. I just find their penis attractive. I think that I like that kind of porn because nothing else can make me orgasm. Womens body doesnt seem as interesting anymore, or guys. Kissing a guy would make me BARF. Whenever I touch a girl or she gets close up to me I get a boner. But with guys i dont. I see guys half naked in the football locker room and I dont get a boner. I cant stop craving for more porm and masturbation and its messing up my life. I dont even feel like I can have a steady relationship. I need to know if this means I am gay, which I would personally hate to be. Or is it the porn. Please help ???

Well you probably shouldn't have escalated but you did so I would suggest a nofap of 90 days or more possibly even hardcore mode which means nothing at all including sex.

I'm HOCD too or that's what I originally thought. Now it's pretty much got me so confused that I don't really believe it can be anything but real. Yeah yeah I know all hocd people say that at some point but it's really difficult to say when it feels like it and isn't just thoughts anymore. And feels like there nothing for women. So perhaps I'm not the best person to be giving advice. The longer I go on the more real it seems because I'm not really improving. Even with two meds.

Thanks ill try & yeah man i really hate this HOCD $#%^. I just want to be the old me...

bro... i know these feels

especially wanting to be my old self. why can't i just be my old self?

is what i ask today,

because i finally too, hit rock bottom.

when i created my username there was this little candle in me that had hope and confidence that i was going to make it

now today i feel like that candle has completely blown out

i no longer feel confident i just really feel smashed man i don't know whats real anymore and im so confused...

BUT,

for some reason, i still feel like maybe there may be a little spark left in that candle?

maybe we might make it after all

chin up brother

Hey man
I'm going through this right now, I've began seeing a therapist and he says he's confident I'm not gay even though I've told him I'm aroused by gay sex. my problem is ever since I was 13 when I started masturbating I watched porn there hasn't been a time when I haven't unless I fapped it on. I have masturbated almost every day since I began and sometimes up to 5 times a day or to a point where nothing even came out I recently found out about doing nofap and I've tried and failed many times this last month I now plan starting today ( wish me look brothers ) a 6 month nofap with at least 3 months hardmode and it sucks because it's that time of year where you'd really wanna get a girlfriend. Anyway I escalated so bad at first it was lesbian - straight - weird insertions - piss and fart fetish- bisexual 3 ways - shemale and then to the worst which is gay. It seems that every time I try no fap within a few days I can notice a bit of a difference my erections aren't as intense to the thoughts sometimes I feel like getting sick or sometimes I don't get one at all but I'm constantly failing due to temptation . The worst part to this is that I've had anxiety before and the anxiety leaves me in constant doubt of things. When I was younger it was that I'd die alone or my wife would die young things like that as I got older I had doubts like
"my friends all hate me and just tolerate me"
"I'm really fat"
"I might be gay" "I'm gay" "my brother might be gay"
Basically everything I would hate about me no offence to fat people or gay people I just don't want it at all but that now fuels the HOCD real bad.
Anyway I'm telling you man you're going to get through this and I know I will just stick to that nofap and when your really in the mood to get off just don't. do something else make something , read something. And sometimes the urges are there to even TRY gay things and I'm telling you one thing. DONT ever because if you were truly gay I don't think you would be on this because any gay person wants to be and don't confuse that with the porn because any straight male can enjoy gay porn because it's more extreme to a straight male. just ask yourself when you were younger did you imagine yourself walking down the beach with a man buying him a ready bear on Valentine's? If not chances are you're not gay.
And with this comes the doubt I have some days where I tell myself that i should just quit fooling myself and everyone and just come out gay but I know deep down somewhere I'm not.