I'm new here. I don't have an official diagnosis but myself and my doctor have suspected that I have some anxiety issue going on, and after reading Mind over Mood I have concluded that I most likely have obsessive compulsive disorder. I'm in the midst of getting a formal diagnosis, but I was just curious if anyone has had this same compulsion as me: Masturbation.
Since I was 2, before I even knew what I was doing I would constantly masturbate in public. I would rub against couch cushions, chairs, tables, etc at home and preschool. My sisters never asked me what I was doing and my parents didn't even notice until they continually got calls from my teachers from kindergarten until grade six. I got talks about it constantly, but the more calls they got the more angry they became with me. I was honestly terrified and mortified despite not knowing what it was but I had absolute no control over it and as hard as I tried I couldn't stop. They even took me to a special doctor but I was so young I don't even remember what they said to my mom (and frankly ill probably never know, too embarrassed to ask her). To this day I still constantly do it, but I stopped publicly after learning what masturbation was exactly and was humiliated that I was doing that in front of everyone and my whole family
Now the reason why I think its a compulsion is because 95% of the time when I do masturbate I'm not aroused. I even get annoyed with myself and try to stop and work on other things but it's like I'm being forced to. After learning more about anxiety I have come to realize that maybe Im doing it as a coping mechanism for stress. Because whenever I feel overwhelmed with grad school applications and studying it triggers it. And if Im writing an exam that it extremely hard it will trigger as well, but the embarrassment of doing that in public at 21 prevents me. thank god.
So if anyone has a similar experience pleeeeeeease let me know. And please don't make fun of me because this is the first time in my life I have ever spoken about it