Hi
I am posting this on here as I really don't know where else to go about this and most of my family are tired of hearing about it. Basically, about 4 years ago I got involved with a man who I now suspect to be a narcissist. I had a business relationship with him which also became a personal relationship. He was very nice and charming to me at first. Then gradually, he basically played on my emotional attachment to him and the fact I was going through a divorce to get money out of me. All upfront payments for the business dealings I had with him. I stupidly believed him and almost actively offered him the money on several occasions beliveing he wouldn't let me down and would do the work. The work he was doing was left undone and this dragged on for about 2 years. Our relationship was very up and down and no one else knew about it as he insisted it all had to be kept secret. He very often lost his temper with me on several occasions but he was never actually physically violent. At the time I thought abuse= physical but I can know see that it was emotional abuse and he turned me into a nervous wreck. I was unable to function at work or focus properly on my son and my house was a complete mess. Through all this I stupidly kept on seeing him on and off but it was always at his control. I guess from the outside it was just sex and he certainly seemed obsessed with me sexually (not that he was anything amazing in that department).In fact, his sexual feelings towards me were about the one aspect of him I would regard as genuine! Sorry TMI. He would never say he loved me unless I said it first and then he would say he did and at times he seemed genuine. I know that he had been rejected by his parents as a child and had a difficult childhood so I believed that he had just hardened himself up emotionally in order to protect himself. He has severed ties with very close relatives who were very dear to him and I figured if he could do this he must be damaged. I think I thought I could repair the emotional damage by loving him, especially as he had opened up to me about his past a lot in the early days (he gradually got more distant after that). All contact with him always had to be when it suited him, he would never book things in for me - just expecting me to wait with literally an hour's notice or less.
I now have met someone else who is a really nice guy. Stupidly I ended up seeing the narcisstic ex partway through my new relationship. Not something I am proud of, it almost feels like I turned to him when things are going badly, so maybe I associate him with bad aspects of my life. I think I was also just desperate for him to say sorry and he was very charming etc having not seen me for several months .
My problem now is that I am finding it so hard to move on from this narcisstic ex. I feel as if my involvment with him during my new relationship has tainted that relationship. I now also find myself without a job (basically he destroyed my self esteem at work and I cracked). I have also lost tens of thousands because of him. I know I stand a fat chance of getting it back as he is in debt up to his eyeballs so I think I have to just write it off.
I so desperately want to move on with my life but I just feel like he is hanging over me and is to blame for so many things in my life. I blame myself for a lot of it too. I sometimes feel like the only way to move on from this is to cut everything - my new relationship etc and physically move just because being around here reminds me of him constantly. I never used to be like this - I was very strong before I met this guy - had a good career etc and generally had my head screwed on but maybe I was naively trusting as I had never encountered anyone like him before. I am not the only one he has fooled - everyone that has met him says how plausible he is.
I am really hoping someone can basically confirm that yes this guy is a narcissist and give me some ideas as to why I still feel this attachment to him and how I can finally get rid of him. I should add he is out of my life physcially, but he is still messing with my head.