I have a rare, uncurable condition...

Called being extremely smart. Hi, I'm BoardUser and I am here to tell my story. I made a post on grandiosity. I can't really make sense of grandiosity without talking about my intelligence, how it affects me, etc.

I am 147 on the Adult Wechsler IQ test, which is 3 standard deviations above the mean or the 99.9th percentile. My verbal IQ is 175, which is high enough that it can't be measured accurately.

All my life I have found myself in situations where I think I am the smartest person in the room. Often by a very significant margin. In fact, most of what is "grandiose" about me is not delusional. I have only met a handful of people smarter than me, not including professionals (doctors, professors, etc.) who are displaying their specialized, crystalline intelligence and not the general, fluid intelligence measured in IQ.

Ok, you can put away the tissue paper. Please note that extreme intelligence is rare and incurable, but with any luck I may live for 40 or 50 more years!

How does this affect me?
1) I have no need to manipulate or control large groups of people. They are incapable of appreciating how brilliant I am. If there is a group, I always approach the smartest people (or let them approach me) and proceed to mirror them until they like me, then we start talking.

2) Conversely, I find it incredibly hard to relate to people that I cannot identify with. Talking to them cannot make me feel good because even if they listen, they cannot appreciate what I have to say. I am not just intelligent, I am *exceptionally* intelligent.

3) I judge myself for these tendencies, shame myself etc. I am trying to be accepting enough that I can express myself, but it is very hard for me to develop any empathy for what "cursed" me with my PD, my intellect and the ego stroking I received as a child.

4) Emotional awareness is difficult. I do not think this is a result solely of my intellect, but there are times that the verbal side of my brain / thinking verbal thoughts "takes over" and displaces my emotions. I do not believe this is considered a psychological defense but this has been my experience.

5) Perfectionism. I am in the 99.9th percentile for intellectual potential. I should be in the 99.9th percentile for achievement. But "doing my best" can put me on an edge. If I start doing really well it puts me in a position where I am bound to fail. The first sign of failure can shatter my motivation to achieve my potential. Underachieving has gotten me through college and only a middle ranking law school, when I needed the best to challenge me. I love to apply myself but I cannot handle failure.

6) False persona. I am not trying to go into theoretical turf here. I am not totally uninterested in people who are not at my lofty height. Its just that I am uninterested in many of the social interactions that are routine or necessary. I actually feel like I am at my most "manipulative" when I am in these interactions, because I have to fake my emotional response, my interest in the other person, my interest in what they are talking about, etc. I fear being exposed as either arrogant or fraudulent. When you do this enough, it starts to become habitual (lack of emotional awareness). There are some times when I feel strongly enough about a person, but 90% of the time I can't tell whether I am acting or it is real.

7) Distorted self image. I have a hard time viewing myself as a whole person. I have flaws in how I relate to people, they seem terrible. My intellect is amazing. I have emotional needs: when I think about my needs I feel vile, base. Emotional needs are so common. Outside of the control of my intellect. My intellect is amazing. I am attractive, but when someone comes on to me after only seeing how I look it disgusts me. They are looking at a mere bag of flesh, but my intellect is amazing. (repetition intended to mimic my thought process about myself).

8 ) I assume people view me through my distorted self image. This makes it hard for me to deal with non-structured personal relationships. But my focus on relating only one part of me to other people has made me hollow at times. I imagine that other people see me the way I see myself, a shining beacon

One thing that I will say is that I don't consider myself very exploitative. I generally avoid interacting with the mass of humanity because they bore me. I get supply from people who I can identify with, I consider them real people and not toys.

I can observe all the ways I have been harmed by my overvaluation of my intelligence, agree that it is objectively harmful, etc. but at the end of this post I am smiling.

I am looking the beast in the eyes, I can see how warped I am. But the beast is smiling at me. He brings his head closer to me, whispers into my ear. "You are so special!" And I smile. Because apparently I still love this.

Yet, despite all of this, you were unable to snag a single date from your thread in the BPD forum, looking for a Borderline girlfriend. Does that comport with your own views on your grandiosity? Do you think that maybe you are inflating yourself into something that you are not. I mean, obviously you are smart. You've provided us with quantitative evidence of that. But is it possible that you are taking that trait and transforming it into something that it is not? To make yourself feel superhuman?

Burke wrote:Yet, despite all of this, you were unable to snag a single date from your thread in the BPD forum, looking for a Borderline girlfriend. Does that comport with your own views on your grandiosity? Do you think that maybe you are inflating yourself into something that you are not. I mean, obviously you are smart. You've provided us with quantitative evidence of that. But is it possible that you are taking that trait and transforming it into something that it is not? To make yourself feel superhuman?

At the risk of misreading again, I just want to say I didn't get what you did. There's nothing wrong with being proud of something real, an accomplishment or gift. His intelligence is that. I didn't get the impression he thinks he's at the end of the journey.

BU - It's incurable; not uncurable! Or was that a deliberate mistake? I like your style though! TTL - I approve of your new Avatar.

Burke wrote:Yet, despite all of this, you were unable to snag a single date from your thread in the BPD forum, looking for a Borderline girlfriend. Does that comport with your own views on your grandiosity? Do you think that maybe you are inflating yourself into something that you are not. I mean, obviously you are smart. You've provided us with quantitative evidence of that. But is it possible that you are taking that trait and transforming it into something that it is not? To make yourself feel superhuman?

You don't understand.

As soon is it began to look as if no dates were to be "snagged"

That ceased to be the premise, entirely.

Contingency plan B emerged as the sole intent of the thread all along.

BoardUser wrote:My verbal IQ is 175

UNCURABLE

is not a word.

I have a rare, uncurable condition...Called being extremely smart. Hi, I'm BoardUser and I am here to tell my story. I made a post on grandiosity. I can't really make sense of grandiosity without talking about my intelligence, how it affects me, etc.

you just wanna discuss yourself or what is the purpose of your topic?

I see a lot of myself in your post BTW. Having an IQ of 135 -tested by multiple psychologists! (Don't know where so many people get their amazing results having 145 and over)

BoardUser wrote:Called being extremely smart. Hi, I'm BoardUser and I am here to tell my story. I made a post on grandiosity. I can't really make sense of grandiosity without talking about my intelligence, how it affects me, etc.

I am 147 on the Adult Wechsler IQ test, which is 3 standard deviations above the mean or the 99.9th percentile. My verbal IQ is 175, which is high enough that it can't be measured accurately.

All my life I have found myself in situations where I think I am the smartest person in the room. Often by a very significant margin. In fact, most of what is "grandiose" about me is not delusional. I have only met a handful of people smarter than me, not including professionals (doctors, professors, etc.) who are displaying their specialized, crystalline intelligence and not the general, fluid intelligence measured in IQ.

Ok, you can put away the tissue paper. Please note that extreme intelligence is rare and incurable, but with any luck I may live for 40 or 50 more years!

How does this affect me?
1) I have no need to manipulate or control large groups of people. They are incapable of appreciating how brilliant I am. If there is a group, I always approach the smartest people (or let them approach me) and proceed to mirror them until they like me, then we start talking.

2) Conversely, I find it incredibly hard to relate to people that I cannot identify with. Talking to them cannot make me feel good because even if they listen, they cannot appreciate what I have to say. I am not just intelligent, I am *exceptionally* intelligent.

3) I judge myself for these tendencies, shame myself etc. I am trying to be accepting enough that I can express myself, but it is very hard for me to develop any empathy for what "cursed" me with my PD, my intellect and the ego stroking I received as a child.

4) Emotional awareness is difficult. I do not think this is a result solely of my intellect, but there are times that the verbal side of my brain / thinking verbal thoughts "takes over" and displaces my emotions. I do not believe this is considered a psychological defense but this has been my experience.

5) Perfectionism. I am in the 99.9th percentile for intellectual potential. I should be in the 99.9th percentile for achievement. But "doing my best" can put me on an edge. If I start doing really well it puts me in a position where I am bound to fail. The first sign of failure can shatter my motivation to achieve my potential. Underachieving has gotten me through college and only a middle ranking law school, when I needed the best to challenge me. I love to apply myself but I cannot handle failure.

6) False persona. I am not trying to go into theoretical turf here. I am not totally uninterested in people who are not at my lofty height. Its just that I am uninterested in many of the social interactions that are routine or necessary. I actually feel like I am at my most "manipulative" when I am in these interactions, because I have to fake my emotional response, my interest in the other person, my interest in what they are talking about, etc. I fear being exposed as either arrogant or fraudulent. When you do this enough, it starts to become habitual (lack of emotional awareness). There are some times when I feel strongly enough about a person, but 90% of the time I can't tell whether I am acting or it is real.

7) Distorted self image. I have a hard time viewing myself as a whole person. I have flaws in how I relate to people, they seem terrible. My intellect is amazing. I have emotional needs: when I think about my needs I feel vile, base. Emotional needs are so common. Outside of the control of my intellect. My intellect is amazing. I am attractive, but when someone comes on to me after only seeing how I look it disgusts me. They are looking at a mere bag of flesh, but my intellect is amazing. (repetition intended to mimic my thought process about myself).

8 ) I assume people view me through my distorted self image. This makes it hard for me to deal with non-structured personal relationships. But my focus on relating only one part of me to other people has made me hollow at times. I imagine that other people see me the way I see myself, a shining beacon

One thing that I will say is that I don't consider myself very exploitative. I generally avoid interacting with the mass of humanity because they bore me. I get supply from people who I can identify with, I consider them real people and not toys.

I can observe all the ways I have been harmed by my overvaluation of my intelligence, agree that it is objectively harmful, etc. but at the end of this post I am smiling.

I am looking the beast in the eyes, I can see how warped I am. But the beast is smiling at me. He brings his head closer to me, whispers into my ear. "You are so special!" And I smile. Because apparently I still love this.

What I find so interesting about this is the fact that, even with your brilliance, you seem to have missed the boat entirely. Grandiosity, under these conditions, is utterly ridiculous. Truly brilliant people do truly brilliant things. They work on solving the crisis in the middle east, cure cancer, end famine, work to end social injustice, facilitate the growth and progress of civilization, and do otherwise brilliant things. They make the most of their "gifts". They recognize that their gifts are not even a point of pride, much less grandiosity, until the potential those gifts confer is realized.

Genuinely smart, intellectually gifted persons recognize that there is no cause to feel superior. Individuals who are gifted, but haven't done anything particularly useful or noteworthy with their gifts, generally feel shame over their failure. They recognize that for all of their supposed brilliance, they're actually inferior because when it comes right down to it, they're less than the average man who can get up each day and do his part.

Your bloated IQ should make you feel no better about yourself than winning the lottery. You didn't earn it, you haven't done anything to "accomplish" your IQ. You just got lucky (?) when it came to your genetics (and possibly certain epigenetic factors). Even if you really are as brilliant as you claim to be, you had nothing to do with it. The only part of this equation that actually involves you, and therefore might reasonably be a justification for feeling superior (or not in your case), is the way you've chosen to use your gift. Have you honestly done anything with all of your gifts that warrants a feeling of superiority?

I think it's great that you've been so frank in sharing how you see yourself, but I suspect that this kind of thinking accounts for at least part of the reason so many intellectual Ns are so miserable. Deep down you must know that none of this is a legitimate basis for grandiosity, and might honestly be a reason for you to pretty awful about the person you actually are.

I feel like it's better to let the grandiosity out, I mean not in a social context, but when it's safe, or somewhat safe, like in a therapeutic setting or like here. Because once it's out you can address it. I remember reading that Masterson found that fascinating when somebody with narcissistic personality disorder of the covert type was able to let the grandiosity emerge from underneath. It feels like this is what you are doing here. And we got to, at the very least, acknowledge the risk you are taking.

The think with grandiosity is that, it is just pieces of the personality that have been blown out of proportion, they just need to be reintegrated. Take for example, the "my intellect is amazing" repetition. It denotes a certain restlessness. Like you needing a frequent reconfirmation of your intellectual skills, if only by yourself. It contrasts with being secure about oneself which is more of a quiet certitude.

IMO, you might very well be smart and unique and special, chances are you don't know it in your guts. Thanks for sharing with us BoardUser. Your sense of humor is appreciated around here, keep the posts coming!

On another note, Monicaelise, since being frank seems to be your thing, I have a pro bono therapeutic advice for you: grow some empathy for yourself, you'll grow some for others as well. It worked for me, might work for you.

Apres-

Thank you very much for your kind and generous advice. I seem to have rubbed you the wrong way, as evidenced by your sudden need to address posts not directed at you (as you are perfectly entitled to), so I apologize for whatever personal affront you feel you're suffering as a result of my input.

You are correct in my assuming that I have both a gift and appreciation for frankness. Kudos to you for your astute observations.