This forum.

This is a ramble.

I've just had a quick count, and of the 30 threads on this page, about 7 have been made by narcissists, and one of them doesn't believe that he is. I've talked about this before, and I have mixed feelings, (fairly mild, too, I think), about it.

Again, sorry to repeat myself, but I think that it's because narcissism is such a strange disorder, for several reasons. I think that most of us would say that we were happier before we knew about our disorder, (relatively speaking), but I'd add, in my case, that the people in my life are happier since I found out about it. My feelings are kind of going full circle, and I feel better nowadays than I used to. All of you fellow narcissists have helped me, and so has reading the 'non's' stories; all in the sense of reassuring me that I'm not the only one to have felt and acted as I have.

So, I don't want to bash any nons, and I do think that most of them show restraint and consideration for where they are posting. This is only an idea, but what if the forum was sort of sub-divided? One section could be primarily for people affected by narcissists, who were looking for support from others similarly affected. Narcissists could contribute if they wished, unless specifically asked not to.

The other section could be for narcissists looking to engage primarily with other narcissists, although again 'nons' (in the sense of non-narcissists) would be welcome to post, unless specifically asked not to.

I know that that's what we've already got, really, just jumbled up together; I'm just trying to think of a way to encourage more narcissists to post, because, as I've said so often, this is pretty much the only support forum for narcissists that there is.

Relating back to my earlier point about narcissism being a strange disorder, in the sense that many of us were happier before we knew that we had it, there are other reasons why it's so unusual, too, which I've discussed before. The degree of self deception, denial, just plain ignorance of our true natures, before we learned of our narcissism. And, of course, it's effect on others, which is the reason that so many 'nons' post on this forum - far more, I'd imagine, than on those for hpd or aspd.

But the narcissists on this forum are self aware, and most of us are working on dealing with our disorder, and gradually evolving and improving. It's primarily a support forum for us. So, it's a strange mix of threads. Maybe a necessary one? I don't know - we're already fairly aware of how we've affected other people in our lives.

I don't know -I'm not convinced by my own argument. I'd be happy with the forum in its present format, if the ratio of threads was more balanced. And I realise that I probably need to be reminded about how I can affect people. It does sometimes anger and upset me, to some degree, to read some of the comments, especially if I feel that the person writing them has misunderstood some aspect of narcissism.

So at least, if the forum was separated into two parts, as I suggested, I could read the threads from 'nons', and think, 'well, they're talking to one-another, I should expect those sorts of comments.'

Anyway, I'd be interested in other people's opinions, narcissists or not.

I'm saying this tongue-in-cheek, bitty, but: aren't you undiagnosed?

Not that it doesn't make you a narcissist... although i'd be willing to bet that most narcissists are unaware. So, by being aware and undiagnosed, the odds of you actually having NPD could be low. Again, that doesn't mean you don't have NPD; but how would you know, unless somebody told you?

I think admitting to being narcissistic is a form of modesty... which is incoherent with the self-diagnosis.

-- Mon Jan 12, 2015 11:52 pm --

To answer the topic, yes, and i've said this before, i think this forum should be dedicated only to those who have NPD.

Your first point is one that you've raised before, and to which I've responded, so I won't repeat myself there. I'd only clarify that when I wrote about narcissists, I was referring to those who have self diagnosed, as well as those who have been officially diagnosed with npd.

It's interesting that you support the idea of a forum for those with npd only. I hope that there can be a continued discussion in this thread about this topic, (as it relates to people who have self diagnosed, been officially diagnosed, and those affected by them), and that others will respond too.

It would be good if the 'powers that be' would really consider the possibility of sub dividing the forum as I suggested - only to encourage more narcissists to post. I'll shoot myself in the foot here, by admitting that the narcissists' forum would probably not have many posters. (I mean, threads started by narcissists.) I do appreciate the input here from nons on the threads originated by narcissists, and I admit that many threads would probably wither and die without them. It's just that balance that I keep banging on about, that I'm trying to address.

Firstly, I dislike the word "non" - I think it's misleading in its definition. Yeah, there are "non-narcissists," but if you put most of the people on this forum (people who have been involved with a pwNPD included) on a therapist's couch, they will be diagnosed with something - often on the cluster B spectrum for, as someone said in the thread about dysfunctional relationships, we seek out what is familiar. My point: NOBODY IS COMPLETELY NORMAL. And NPD is just a set of personality traits, it's not a different species. We are all human beings.

As a Non-NON (pwBPD), I truly hope that the powers that be don't subdivide the forum, because I happen to love a Narcissist, and although I'm sure he doesn't want my help, I appreciate that the exchanges with the narcissists on this forum give me insight into his behavior. I can see how some righteous alleged "nons" who come on here and complain of victimization can be annoying, but a characteristic of NPD is a pattern of unstable relationships, and I think it's important for a person with NPD to at least try and understand, if they are attempting to heal, how it feels to be on the other side of things. And people who generalize can always be stopped in their tracks - and they usually are. I don't see a lot of positive responses, for example, to people trying to diagnose their exes because they think "omg if he doesn't want me, he must be a narcissist."

I know I'm truly grateful for the narcissists who have responded to my posts and yes, there aren't many of them who speak up around here, but as you said, I think that's in part due to the nature of the disorder. Self-awareness is not something that people with NPD embrace. And I understand not wanting to be constantly bombarded by posts from the alleged victims of people with NPD because I read the same shite about people with BPD and I want to smack them. I don't see myself as an abuser. I'm just a person who is challenged in particular areas. I'm not out to hurt people.

I think the dialogue here is quite constructive. I also wish more NPD's would respond to threads, or start threads, etc. But I'm not sure starting a divided forum would be helpful for anyone.

Just my two cents.

This is a little off topic but my dx was npd and aspd so when I come here I don't relate much to most of you with npd.

I have insane grandiose fantasies 24/7

I feel (know) I'm going to fulfill what I've been working for my whole life.

But overall I don't understand most complaints from people with npd. I don't feel any way about anything unless I want to hurt someone I get internally set off if I can't.

I also understand npd isn't necessarily violent so not sure where that comes from.

Anyway if you guys want my input more I'll post more

I can understand that narcissists would want this forum for NPD only. Sounds like a simple idea but in practise how would it work? I mean you got self-diagnosed and officially diagnosed NPD, already admitted to the club, but what about people with other personality disorders with narcissistic traits, people who are neither self nor officially diagnosed but think they might be, or people who are sure their ex is but they are not (and happen to be wrong)... There are so many variations. Then the mods would have to sort out who can post where based on what type of personality they think the other person has! What a minefield.

And then about being polite as bitty suggests and not posting where one is not asked to (based on who you are rather than what you write about), are the mods going to supervise and enforce that too?

I think this is a recipe for endless discussions on whether a certain person is accepted into the club of who is allowed to post where. For people who are trying to fight stereotypes this seems like a strange desire. On the other hand maybe I am wrong about people not accepting to view other individuals through stereotypes.

I noticed another forum for NPD elsewhere and it is moribund and not populated by nons either.

By all means, it is way more helpful for anyone be it non or PD person, if they can support each other and try to find answers to their questions on one board as it is. If you try to pull off borders in between of personality types, how are they going to change or even consider the change? I am with you on your idea but in my opinion if people see the view from different angles, can only lead to more insight than to have a tunnel vision on something. What do you do in reality? I mean the sick and the healthy are all in one society. Many of them bring something to the table of discussion, if it is not constructive, insulting or even provocative, moderators can intervene.

There should be two subforums. It's something the admins should seriously consider. This place is a mess.

Thank you bitty for opening this thread to all people.

- Discussions here are interesting to me. Some internal dynamics can exist in anyone. Some relationships or family dynamics interest me.

- I like much when each one speaks about oneself and what he/she feels personally , be pwNPD or not.

- I feel overwhelmed by partners. I understand that they are overwhelming but sometimes I feel that they take too much space here. I wish there was specific space for emotional abuse in psychforum.

- I don't like all comments implying that the world is shared between evil narcissists and good nons, like for instance "is he a narcissist"? or "narcissists can't love".

- if some day you change the structure of the forum, I would be interested by a subforum about acons ("adult children of narcissists")


Thank you for reading

I thought Bitty was diagnosed