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Remorse/ grateful?

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Remorse/ grateful?

Postby UnicornBlue » Mon Nov 18, 2013 10:43 am

Ever have any remorse??

When do you think it all started???

Genetic?? Or only stems from abuse??

I raised a narcissistic daughter
We were manipulated and lied to
Until after her 17 th birthday when our eyes were opened by a crime she committed

Then like a slap in the face we started realizing all the lies we believed
And things we didn't understand

She has no remorse
I remember thinking when we'd watch sad movies together I'd be crying and she'd just sit there
I thought her heart was ice

As much as she's hurt me over the years I still feel it's ice
She cares when it's serious and loves drama- my surgery, her siblings near death experience- but when all is good she can't be bothered
We live in separate states

We helped her out of her criminal charges only because I retained an attorney while she still had me convinced she was perfectly innocent- she has or never had any remorse for her victim
She's shoplifted- got caught- didn't care
She walked right by her victim and didn't care
She snuck out of the house for years
If she gets caught she just ignores and somehow the problems just vanish for her
Never has to really pay the piper
Even on probation she never finished her community service
And even they let it slide
If no one ever makes her pay she never learns

She can lie to your face and not care
She uses everyone
And then when she's done. She is done. Moves on
Never looking back
I feel bad for the people that help her and get screwed too but at least it's not just us

I guess my real question is how do you love a narcissist ??
Where do you draw the line on being used and lied too and so hurt??
Recently her last douche move broke my heart again
And yet I love that child
Is there a fine line between narcissistic? And sociopath?
Is she maybe something else?
What does one do?
Thanks

We have done so much and she's not grateful at all
In fact we never see her and when we do
there's always something she wants or asks for
Breaks my heart so much

I've read that there must have been past abuse to create this

Her sperm donor raped and beat me when she was a baby
Even if I had her in my bed
I left him when she was 1
He visited with her till she was 4 rarely
But he really wasn't interested
He'd drop her off with anyone or leave her inside with his wife and go work on his car
He wouldn't let he call me to say good night
He'd place the phone out of her reach
She would come home crying tired and hungry
He'd apparently bash me cause when she did come near us
She would only go to her step father first
Now they are buddies her and sperm donor
And she has no current use for me- but she would like a lap top etc for Christmas

She moved out at 18
But 6 years later she still doesn't work full time or ever really supported herself
She will take a financial "loan" but ignore that too and you don't get a dime

She's lived with numerous families
And has done so many unethical things
We raised her like a princess and the places she's lived to prove her "independence" ( by living off other families)
Are places so below what she had it never makes sense
I sometimes wonder if it's drug related her actions
She didn't like our "RULES" cause we were too "STRICT"
Basically we forbade under age drinking in our home-
She even broke into our home when we were away to have an underage party
And swore and lied it wasn't her
She was supposed to be with her Daddy that weekend
And I gave him strict instructions to
NOT bring her to our hometown
Dad of the year dropped her off in our town minutes after we left
and that's why she rather be with him
He's a buddy without a parenting bone in his body
They drink and party together now but at least she's legal

I fear for her with her decisions
Her sexual promiscuity
Her lack of ethics and morals
and some day she's going to screw or screw over the wrong person

Any words of wisdom?
I am done doing anything for her cause I can't be codependent anymore
And I refuse to buy her love
Although I think things are her only remaining use for us

She adopts her new families till she's done with them and discards them like yesterday's trash
Just like us
And her siblings
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Re: Remorse/ grateful?

Postby Esquire » Mon Nov 18, 2013 3:27 pm

Your daughter's propensity for rule-breaking and criminal activity don't sound particularly consistent with NPD. You may want to check out the AsPD forum as well. NPD and AsPD overlap in certain ways, particularly in terms of certain emotional deficits, a manipulative nature, lack of empathy, amorality, and a charming personality masking an emotionally flat inner core. But beyond that, the two are very different and behave in different ways and have different wants and needs out of life.

Interestingly, while the NPD forum seems to have a lot of visitors who believe they are Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONs), we have very few tales from parents of Narcissists. From my experience as an NPD, Narcissists tend to devalue and discard their parents during their teenage years or young adulthood, usually during relatively normal conflicts between the parent and young adult NPD, which the NPD takes as an instance of losing object control and thus D&Ds the parental figure. Practically this means that the NPD will no longer trust the parent, will no longer have any emotional warmth towards the parent, and as the NPD gets older, will probably emotionally abandon if not actually abandon the parent.
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Re: Remorse/ grateful?

Postby Anais » Mon Nov 18, 2013 3:39 pm

If your daughter is 18+ you need to let her go. Trying to parent an adult won't work.
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Re: Remorse/ grateful?

Postby gratitude » Mon Nov 18, 2013 11:50 pm

Unicorn,
I don't think an N EVER has regret.
I am so sorry for everything you are going through. It must be so hard when it is your child.
I don't know how to love an N. I've read people who say it's like appreciating a crocodile - just know what the person is capable of, and know you will not be loved back.
The lies have done me in. I don't think I can ever care for NM again, but when it comes to a child, that just has to be so hard.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))
Beth
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