Daughter In Law has Munchausen

I believe my daughter in law has Munchausen. She has multiple trips to the ER over four different states, all the classic symptoms, abdominal pains, migraines, etc. as far as physical aliments. Sometimes she will go to the ER four times in one week. Some of my son's friends,(in the recent past) mentioned they thought his wife might be a hypochondriac. However, something deep inside me knows, she knows that her illness are fabricated. She will be ok for about 2 to 3 months, and then, 3 to 4 trips to the ER. I live in another state so I wouldn't have any access to her health care provider, even to suggest she might have this disorder without requesting any privileged health care info.

When she doesn't work for weeks at a time, my son calls me for money to pay their utility bills and I have assisted them. My ex-husband told me I was enabling the both of them, and I can see his point. As he explained, I am making it easier for her to run to the hospital and avoid responsibility. I understand this is an illness. She has severe abandonment issues and my heart goes out to her.

I can't talk to my son about any of this, as he becomes very defensive. I think deep in his heart he knows it isn't real, but if he verbalizes it, then he may have to address the issue. Don't get me wrong, my heart goes out to her, but at the same time, this is a huge drain on my financial and emotional resources. I know someone once said to me denial stood for: didn't even know I was lying - makes sense because someone in denial is actually lying to themselves without any real awareness.

Question is should I help them financially, like paying the electric bill? Like I said, I don't mind helping out when necessary; however, I feel like I am paying for his choice of a companion that has severe mental issues. When they lived in this state, I encouraged her to seek mental health counseling, which she did follow through. However, I can't ever imagine her admitting these illness are not real. So, how can she get any real help with these issues? I really appreciate this site being here, and reading what people who have this disorder go through. This helps me feel compassion for her.

First above all please don't take my words as an aggression.

This is the most important question: did you ever talk to any doctors or medical staff who took care of her? What do they say?

Even if she is really ill... to be honest, looks like your situation reached a point at which you shouldn't help them even if this breaks your heart. If you don't feel comfortable telling your son about your suspicions, simply tell him you're out of money. You won't be lying after all. If he insists, becomes angry or even tries to manipulate you somehow to get money, use your authority: you're his parent. "I'm not supplying you with any more money". End of. Don't be his hostage.

If I were in your shoes I'd go beyond that. I would call him myself and say like "hey hope things are alright in your end because this extraordinary situation happened and I have no money, so I hope your wife is in good health (small print: because I won't be able to support you for a long time)".

One last thing - and again, don't get me wrong but... have you ever seen their receipts, any documents or you just happen to trust their words? Ever seen your daughter-in-law at an hospital yourself?

It's not of my business and I don't want to know, I just think you should consider this.