I Think My Wife Has Munchausen by Proxy What Do I Do?

Last month my wife just out of the blue abandoned me and my two kids. She was their step-mom. They are 7 and 9 years old. She had been in their lives since 5 months and 2 years old. In the very beginning of our relationship my wife convinced me to quickly leave and divorce my ex-wife. She convinced me that my ex-wife was an unfit mother, and then quickly convinced me that my baby son was suffering from many issues. My wife also convinced me that she specialized in early childhood development and that my baby was not developing.

My wife is super intelligent and patiently researches everything. She has an amazing level of comprehension, yet she always says that she has a processing disorder and has to work much harder than the average person.

When my son was about 1yrs old my wife had a specialist come to our house to evaluate him. My wife convinced this specialist that my son was very under developed. She stated that he should be speaking by now and crawling. But instead he just lays there with glassy eyes.

Soon there after my daughter apparently started to have issues as well. My wife established services for her thru our county health department and then eventually that back fired on her because my daughter reported that she was abused by my wife.

Child protective services placed an order of protection preventing her from seeing my two kids or even me until after court. She hired a very expensive lawyer and the charges against her were dismissed. During this time she convinced me and her family that the accusations against her were false and that my daughter simply told the investigators what they wanted to hear. My wife further explained that all this was done on purpose because the County health department couldn't figure out what was truly wrong with the kids and they wanted to save face.

Eventually the case was dismissed due to her having a great lawyer. But then my son's behavior became terrible because he was away from her for about a month. She then latched on to this blaming the situation that my son would never be the same because of this traumatic situation. She said that her absence triggered his original abandonment issues with the bio-mom (which I need to say was also fabricated -- I was tricked by my wife that my ex-wife was an unfit parent).

From there we spent many years seeking therapy for my son. My wife had him seeing all kids of different therapists, doctors, etc. He was on all kinds of different medications. He was getting sound and sensory therapy and horseback riding therapy. The list goes on and on.

My daughter seemed to finally be okay; which is ironic because soon after my wife couldn't fabricate any new conditions with my daughter she started gunning for her teeth at the dentist. My daughter has had multiple baby teeth pulled supposedly to make room for her adult teeth.

Fast forward to last month when my wife abandoned us: About four months prior she met a new family. Husband and wife along with their three kids. The oldest child apparently is having mental issues with being suicidal. She grew excessively fond of this family and started spending tons of time with them. And in the end I had a conversation with my wife and said that there really should be a balance with the time you're spending with them compared to spending with your current family.

And that is when she left, the very next day. She hasn't seen, spoken, written my kids since. My two kids perceive her as their "real" mom and they are both at a complete loss. And so am I for that matter. My wife lied and filed a police report stating that I physically assaulted her. She claims that she had a cut and bruises. She claims that our relationship was unhealthy and that I was an angry and abusive man.

And so after one month of being away from her and having access to the wonderful "world wide web" I have discovered thru endless nights of research that I think my wife may have Munchausen by Proxy disorder and possibly even narcissistic personally disorder.

I met my wife 8 years ago and from that moment my life has been a dream. I was made to feel like our relationship was super amazing and that we were very special. I was made to feel like I need no one else other than her. She influenced me to burn bridges and cut ties from all my family members. Shortly after convinced me to move out of state back to where she is from. And then she abandoned me and my kids and that resulted in me having no one to help me. I had no friends or family members.

I have just moved back to where I am originally from. I explained to my family what happened and what I believe. They have all taken me back in and support me. The problem now is my children are very affected by this. Their behavior is violent, physical, and aggressive. And then with me I feel like I've been in a coma for 8yrs. I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't even know what I like, what my interests are, or who I am as a person. Memories of my life prior to meeting my wife have been wiped out. I don't remember anything about my life prior to meeting her. It feels like it was another life ago.

My 7yr old son says he wishes he could start over again back to the first day he met her so that he could be with her again. In a strange way I feel the same. I just wish none of this happened. I feel very lonely and very sad and very deceived. I loved my wife with all my heart. I was so deep under her spell. I never saw this coming. In the end it seems she found another family she could move onto so that she could continue fulfilling her needs with helping them since me and my two kids were pretty much fixed.

What I don't understand is how someone could live a fake life with me for 8yrs. All the memories, all the intimate moments (which was always amazing), all the bonding, conversations, and spending time together. We did literally everything together. How could all that be faked? How could these real feelings I had for her and the real feelings my kids had for her be suddenly throw into the trash can? My kids are devastated. They are literally zombies. That's what hurts me the most. It hurts that I lost my wife and my best friend but what hurts the most is me being forced to sit here every day and watch my kids suffer in pain.

So as the title of this post asks, I Think My Wife Has Munchausen by Proxy What Do I Do?

That is the first real post I have read about someone who has experienced this as a partner not as a child.

Without sounding too clinical, it is a wonderful insight into how they operate..

I congratulate you on arriving where you are and having the integrity to put this up.

These are very special people. Extraordinarily toxic. Usually invisible to the public. I believe only the stupid ones get caught by authorities.

My father was CFO of the second biggest conglomerate in my country. A genuine large scale multi national. My mother had him totally under control .. even after she tried to kill him .. ("must have been a mistake"). he was never happy with her but she had him trapped.

At least you were happy, it was an illusion, but at least it was not painful.

I think she cared for you and your family, but cared more for "playing" with people.

I feel so sorry for your children.

The only way forward is to build bridges, love them, deal with their issues and wait for them to grow a bit more.

Will not be easy but could have bee worse.

Finally don't beat yourself up. Unless you have lived with one of these no one can believe what it is like. Our house was "insane", but every one, my father, brother, me, doctors, courts, my grand parents all protected the insane world she built... until one day in hospital she pushed the triage nurse a little too far .. straight jacket ride to a padded cell, and three months of forced medication before they would let her out ... and she never forget it..(and that is not an exaggeration, and it was not a minimum security institution either)

one last thing, MBP victims kind of suffer in silence, as most people just cannot get their heads around the concept

tndad77 I need to follow your story.

There always seems to be a way for her, especially when there's a new judge or a new doctor or a new relationship of any kind.

I have 4 children with Mom, 2-year-old was on feeding tube, 5-year-old was just psychiatric sectioned last month for a temper tantrum in Mom's custody. Mom convinced them to put him inpatient in an actual psych unit until I begged them not to.

I was with Mom for 8 years, up and down relationship, she had known psychiatric issues which she always complimented me for sticking by her until last year where I suddenly became an abuser of her and my children and a rapist in her eyes. I was caught totally off guard but I think I've come to understand how real the delusion can be. Reality MUST line up with how they feel, therefore the facts MUST be modified to fit. She was so convincing (and still is) about the children's issues and the abuse I put her through.

Please post any updates good or bad. I'd like to stay connected.