Love

When we feel we cannot live without another person, some call that love.

But I wonder. Is it really LOVE? Or just an attachment sometimes.

I think to love someone is to love them no matter what they do. But if you hate the person for certain things, maybe it's not love, but the fear of losing that person because you would feel alone and you depend on that person to give you what you need.

That's what bothers me. When I in love with someone,. it's like being high. but once the high subsides, it seems that it's just an attachment.

I know this sounds stupid, but I still wonder.

When you tell someone you love them do you truly love them, or do you just tell them that because you are afraid that they will leave you if you don't?

I catch myself doing that a lot. But maybe it's because I've been hurt so many times in my life, I cannot truly love someone, rather it's more of an attachment, because like objects, you would miss your old School Yearbook if something happened to it. I know, you would not miss it as much as a living thing, but just an example.

We tend to get attached to things or people that cannot be replaced.


True love is a 2 way street, or else it's a dead end.


I guess I am f***ed up.

Hey,

I'm actually happy that you've brought this up because I have the exact same outlook on it as you do - i.e. that love is just an attachment to someone. This [false] notion of 'love' was created by the movie-industry and it has a nice touch about it but it's not real.

Yes, when I meet a girl I also get that 'high', but then it subsides and the relationship either crashes or progresses. It will happen to all couples: The 'love' will fade-away but what is left is their attachment to each other. They would have spent so long living with each other, that they don't know how to live without each other. Their lives are intertwined.

Kevin

I used to be so pfftt about love. Didn't even class it as existing. I've melowed out a little, but I'm still a little like you both.
Love is an overused word. Love is an amalgamation of lust and needfullness.
The relationship I'm in now we don't use the Love word very often at all. We both actually agreed at the begining, that there are other ways to say 'I Love You'. And you know it makes it more worthwhile when it is said. We both know we love each other. Which actually is quite new for me, I've normally needed a lot of assurance that someone does love me when I'm in relationships but not in this one. He shows it in others ways, which are much harder to express than saying three words. Which is probably why I don't need the reassurance.

You know what they say: Love is never having to say you're sorry.

Well, I don't know about that.

Anyway, if you cannot forgive someone, then it is my opinion you cannot love that person. You have to take the bad with the good, and if you cannot, love can turn into hate, quickly.

If you can be as one with a person without any grudges, then I would suppose you love that person.

But I still would like to know when love leaves off, and co-dependency begins.

I am glad I am not the only one that thinks like this.

I could say, or at least I can think I can say, I love my dog. He depends on me, to take care of him, and I depend on him for companionship and emotional support. He gives me both. I don't know if my dog loves me, or just acts like it because I am his caretaker.

But it doesn't matter, I am glad I have him, even if it's not going to be too much longer, for he's getting old.

We cry when we lose loved ones,. like people and pets, because we are left behind, and they go away forever. When a loved one dies, like a person or pet, I wish I could have gone with them.

Hey,

Regarding your dog: He could just as easily love someone else other than you. However, the fact is that he only loves you in this moment in time. He knows your voice, your figure, your smell - and he associates all of these with what he needs in life (i.e. food, warmth, shelter, and love).

It's possible to 'love' anything (I mean, build up an attachment to anything). In some cases, losing an object can be worse than losing a person.

Kevin

I think of the love responsible parents have for a child. Do they say, "I love you," or self sacrifice out of love for their child because they're afraid the child will abandon them? Maybe in anticipation of when the child is older, I suppose. Love always seeks reciprocation. That much is true, but many parents, good ones, would say that they'll love their child regardless of whether the child leaves them later on. I guess it's natural to be cynical about love when you've been so hurt by people. Remember that the word "love" existed and was used (though much less abused) before Hollywood.

In the case of animals (esp. cats and dogs)... I think that they retain memories and have emotions similar to our own including love, but if forced to, they'll move on and form new relationships like any person would.

Love between spouses is quite a different thing than these other types of love, however profound they may be. Love in general, to me it seems, is multifaceted. I like the following explanation best...


Romantic (opposite pragmatic)
- time alone
- use of the 5 senses
* flowers
* candle light
* music
* dancing
- unsolicited gift giving
- poetry
- spontaneity

Pragmaticism (opposite romantic)
- planning
- predictability
- reliability
- practicability

Sexual (opposite platonic)
- erotic

Platonic (oposite sexual)
- brotherly
- spiritual

Compassionate (opposite manic)
- friendship
- emotional connetion

Manic (opposite compassionate)
- jealousy
- "high school" stereotypical love
- obsession
- eccentric
- often leaves the greatest immediate impression

Altruistic (opposite egocentric)
- sacrifical
- service but not servitude
- doing thing unpleasant for another person

Egocentric (opposite altruistic)
- self regard
- genuine care for one's self

All of these are not necessarily experienced simultaneously, but it's possible as I understand it.

I wonder how many times I've said I love you and it not fall into that catagory. How young can someone be to say I love you? To grasp the meaning of love?. Which would be to behold the beauty of humanity of two hearts together as one?.

Whero, a child can love things and people - I'm sure of it. However, they just may misuse the word 'love'. Like, a child might say I love this or that pen (when really they don't give a damn about it). A child can easily develop an attachment to a toy though and, in that sense, they love it.

S3, I loved (oops, I mean 'liked' ) reading through your post and I liked the diagram that you provided too. I feel that it is not completely correct though because different relationships can have multiple types of love. Wait, actually, were you even saying that love between two people can only be one type from the diagram?

Anyway, I liked what you wrote about the love of a parent too. For some mothers, I believe that love really is unconditional, and they don't need their child to love them back. Just look at the mothers of convicted murderers - even serial killers. I'm sure that their mothers still love them... ...in an unusual sort of way.

Kevin