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I don't know where my delusions come from.

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I don't know where my delusions come from.

Postby GhostWillow » Mon Jul 10, 2017 7:35 pm

When I was 8, I would get visions of people, usually my classmates watching me through my house's windows. I knew it was just my imagination, and I was playing 'pretend' I guess, but then my classmates would say things that made me believe they really are watching me.

Then, when I was 11, I developed this fear that people were reading my mind because I was terrified of people knowing that I was gay. People would again, say things that seemed to confirm that they can read my mind, and I'd start to believe in my fear and it became a delusion. That went on until I was 16, where I developed a new fear.

This fear was about people knowing another secret about me that I don't want to talk about, and the fear was that I was sleepwalking at night and posting my secrets onto my social media, where everyone can know what I was worried about hiding. I started to believe in this fear when my friends seemed to be referencing thoughts I might have posted onto my social media according to the delusion. I finally deleted my social media out of the stress that delusion was causing me. I know I call them delusions, but I still lowkey believe they're true, and the reason I want to get help is because I think there's a possibility it's not true and it's just my anxiety.

What I want to know is what disorder could have possibly caused this? I did see my G.P who got me referred but I have to wait 2-6 months for an appointment with a psychiatrist, and the uncertainty is killing me.
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Re: I don't know where my delusions come from.

Postby Otter » Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:53 am

We really can't diagnose here and it could be many different things.

Question. Did you ever interact with someone you felt knew your secret, to find out the truth? Did you ask them about it? Did you ever think of discussing it with them? Were you about to, but held back? If so, why?

I am not saying you should do those things (I don't think you should) but I am wondering how you acted on these fears beyond deleting the social media account?

Sometimes someone with OCD can have an extreme irrational thought that seems like delusions but really isn't.

As I said it could be many things. Do what you can to avoid stressful things until you see your doctor. And don't hold back anything when talking to them.

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