Firstly I would like to apologize if this is against the rules. I would like to make it clear that I am asking for opinionated answers, not for a 'diagnosis' (which is against the rules) but I'm sorry if I'm doing something that I'm not allowed to.
I am living in a town in the capital which you might consider to be "posh" or "upmarket"; with my parents and brother. I think that I am quite smart (thinking on the spot, common sense, manipulating and playing with other peoples feelings) but do fairly average in school (most likely due to my lack of effort). I show many psychopathic traits, including that emotion does not affect me half as much as it affects other people, though I do still feel it. I do not feel sorry for peoples psychical pain or innocent people dying, however for some reason when someone is emotionally hurt or excluded I can feel quite bad for them, possibly because of how much I relate to them. I'm extremely awkward but lately have been faking emotions to act as a normal person because, as much as the sociopath I am, enjoy the company of friends. At least half of the reason I do this is because I am worried about my self image; I worry about my psychical appearance and start to have mild panic attacks when I am embarrassed (for example I always make sure to be seen in public with a friend, not by myself).
I constantly think about killing people. Planning it out, covering up my tracks and have even gone so far as to find the perfect location to find a victim. I see no reason to hide the body, other than in attempt to buy some time before someone finds it. I mean, as long as you don't do something stupid like leave fingerprints or DNA samples, I'm pretty sure it can't be easily traced back to you. I'm also not even that bothered about being caught (which may be the most dangerous thing). There are of course things in my current life that I would not want to leave behind, but overall I feel as if being in a literal prison may be better than what I'm currently confined to. Lately in order to satisfy my needs I have been watching videos of people being killed. Be-headings, dismemberment and flayed skin has been the central method of these videos. I'm not sure if this matters, but I think that if I were to carry out these acts that I would preferably slit somebody's throat in attempt to kill them (though I have come to realize that suffocation may be the best way if I do not want to get caught).
I have always thought, and wanted to, kill people. Though it has not been until relatively recently (about a year) that I have been putting detailed thought into it. I think that this is because I never considered it as a option, maybe because of the way I was brought up (and am being brought up) at risk of being caught, but now that I can think clearly (or not so) I have come to realize that I can satisfy myself. I should also add that I have not suffered from any abuse, or post traumatic experiences and have a kind, loving family. I've also been getting extremely painful headaches around 5 times every week for the past 3 years, and taking multiple paracetamols to relieve the pain, when going to the doctor I was told that it was fairly normal and that I had to go on with my life dealing with it, what? I also have abnormal sleep patterns, and normally feel fine after 3 - 5 hours of sleep (I normally get around 6 every night). I've been sleeping really badly lately and even though I am tired occasionally find it impossible to sleep.
The realization that I may act on these thoughts does not scare me, nor does thinking about who or what I have become but even so, I do not want to end up doing something stupid. The least I could do for myself before I act is find out what I am. Another mental condition that I have shown the traits for is schizophrenia, so that might help to keep in mind.
Thank you for reading, and again I'm sorry if I broke any of the forum rules. Also, I'm leaving a lot out, so if there are any questions feel free to ask. Thank you.