Do you struggle with what's real and what's not? (TW)

Just a question for anyone with mental illness, but especially with depression, at least in my case...
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder last year (which I think is an accurate diagnosis), but I struggle with what's real and what's just "brain stuff" if that makes sense. Like life just seems so miserable and hopeless most of the time, and it's hard to find a reason to keep living, not cut myself, not get drunk, etc. I'm getting treatment, but sometimes I think, "What's the point?" I guess I've been thinking of how a lot of people just look at a mental illness as just a medical condition like Diabetes, and I used to say the same thing, but now I'm not sure. I'm not sure it's that simple, and I think the line between insanity and sanity is very blurred...if not nonexistent.
I don't know if this is the right place to post this, and I'm sorry it's so hopeless. I may be in a depressive episode right now tbh. I'm just wondering if I'm the only one who thinks about these things...

Well you may be in a downswing right now. But you can change it with what you think. Well I know when im under stress it creates this phase where I want to live alone and I feel trapped or suffocated by others. Now figuring out if it is really how I feel if its "real" is hard and ive acted out on it a couple times. But the not acting out it hardest bc I have to figure if my thoughts feelings are real. I have done better where it happens less and less if I am aware. I do not take meds tho. I am bipolr2 and I feel I am bpd. Maybe from the sounds of it you could look into and see if it fits. There are periods where you may dissociate, depersonalize, derealize. But I have to say dbt therapy has helped best and educating myself and reading everything I can. There is a book called I hate you, don't leave me! It is good. there is a book about being raised by a mother with personality disorder but it may be both parents and it helped me understand so much why I behave and think like I do. I can't remember the name of it but it is very good. Also there is another book by the same authors of my first book mentioned its borderline for family members this is awesome and split a book on divorcing someone with borderline or or narcissistic pd it is very good in breaking down the types of it and other real in depth stuff. It helped me learn alot. Hope this was helpful. Also the borderline personality forum on here has been quite helpful to me.

Yeah I'm actually reading that same book
I'd actually be surprised if I DON'T have BPD, and yeah I use that forum a lot. I know getting diagnosed with a PD is pretty hard though. It has to be very severe and obvious. So I think I'll probably just assume I have it, and try to read about it, get advice, etc. I am doing DBT. I guess it's helpful...I don't know. The sessions are so short, I don't feel like I'm even able to express what's really going on...
Right now I'm doing EMDR too for the social anxiety, but I think the other stuff is more important...

What is emdr? I get social anxiety but its in phases during which its more like I want to avoid being around people going places or talking on the phone. I get panicky around too many people in the store or crowded situations. But not too much anymore. I found going to the nami meetings as well as therapy helpful and maybe there is a group therapy then you would feel like you are getting it out or ask for longer sessions?

self harming I occasionally (tw) only do when under extreme stress and its more like ear pulling hair pulling self puching though ive tried not to do those and just put my hands over my ears instead. It was primarily to release the really bad feelings tho or to stop the stressor.

Drinking or drugging only makes it worse and prolongs or adds to the healing process. Though it feels good to escape but ive realized its much more work and I am a addict personality so I don't do that stuff . I have found tho in stopping I am more able to feel my true emotions and learn real coping skills to deal with them.

I'd say mostly it is a learning process. Learning who you are, what you like how to become your own person, what triggers you, what is your thought process, what your heard growing up, beliefs you were taught that are still ingrained in you, what typ of bpd you may have, coping skills, meditation, anger management and how to be aware when you go through phases. It takes awhile. But it does get better my episodes used to be daily triggered by being asked or told to do something stupid or just something equally stupid now I can mostly look at what is being said and cool myself down or asking if I am being told what I hear which was usually backwards! It is frustrating and so hard! But then my sour mood would get less and less instead of days long I can get it gone in 30 minutes or go even months without occurrance.

I don't know what it stands for. It's kind of weird. It's not talk therapy, it like to connect the right side and the left side of the brain so you can better look at emotions from a more detached and objective view...that's my understanding of it. You have to describe the situation in detail, and then you either follow the other person's finger back and forth, or they'll tap your right and left knees or something. I can't say I really like it, but I guess if it works...I think it's more for stuff like PTSD honestly. I've thought that I might have Avoidant Personality Disorder too, because it's not always like fear and panic, it's more like just aversion and avoiding people...it's just really uncomfortable for me.

Yeah I know it's not good. That's kind of why I like it though
It's kind of an alternative to suicide. And yeah there are a lot of reasons why I cut myself too. All of this stuff is really confusing. Ok, one example of what I'm talking about is I struggle with whether anyone can ever really love me. Like I'm 22 and have never even dated anyone. A lot of my friends are getting married, and I hate it. So is that actually true, or am I just thinking that? Of course you're going to say it isn't, but still, in the back of my head I have doubts. It's not a good place to be. I've kind of realized that I have to be positive whether it's true or not. It's just for my own survival. Sorry if I've said some of this before, I can't really remember. I've been in a pretty good mood the past couple days, so that's good. Maybe the extra meds are kicking in
I hate always making these about me. I want to hear from other people too...