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its killing me

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its killing me

Postby noreally_imfine » Fri Dec 13, 2013 3:14 pm

In high school, i had these plans and dreams.

Also had them in college.

Now, 3 years out of college, 25 years old and I've got nothing to show. I have NO idea what kind of job i want to pursue, I work a menial job that gives me chronic muscle pain, anxiety that has kept me going in constant circles, a city I was born and raised in that i truly HATE.

Where I'm at NOW in my life is NOT where I wanted to be at this age.

And it JUST KILLS ME when I go on to Facebook and see OTHER PEOPLE living out MY DREAM! This one girl I went to elementary school is now living in San Diego. Thats my favorite place in the world. Ive wanted to live there for the past 11 years now.

The worst part about it is I'm so stuck in this rut and i see nothing optimistic or successful in the future.

When others are living my dream, i literally feel some kind of physical inner pain. Its a crushing pain in my heart.
“Oh, you think darkness is your ally? But you merely adopted the dark. I was born in it. Molded by it. I didn’t see the light until I was already a man. By then, it was nothing to me but blinding! The shadows betray you because they belong to me!” - Bane
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Re: its killing me

Postby Ashlar » Fri Dec 13, 2013 3:52 pm

There was a really good image, but I'm not sure how to find it, that depicted this feeling. I can't fully express it as well, but the concept was something like this:

The baby boomers had a great deal of opportunity. Following generations believed what they were told. Go to college, do well, get a great job. There was some imagination that this transition would also be quicker and easier than it was before, but basically it's just a messed up narrative.

Then, when you see the face your peers put out about their successes and how great their lives are, you see them putting themselves on a pedestal. They all look slightly different than they really are. The gap between you and them is not that large. And with time, it will get smaller. It's jut too grand of an expectation combined with social media broadcasting the face everyone wants to put forward.

More than likely, you are fine for 25. It's young. You have more opportunities ahead of you. If you were like me, you probably felt similar things when you didn't get into the best college or didn't pass some class. Life is over. But it's not. It's just that most people don't go public about their failings and challenges, except to gather pity perhaps.
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