HIV

I don't think I'm a hypochondriac but I used to be clean and feel good until I met one f****ing loser and even though I asked if he had been tested... I got chlamydia
And genital warts from him. Ever since then, 2 years ago, all I can think about is that I have HIV knowing my luck I probably do. I don't have syphilis which feels good and I want to get tested for HIV but what's the point? If I have it I'll never be able to look my dad in the face again and I'll probably just kill myself.

And then I read today that most people have herpes. That's great I'm 22 and I feel absolutely disgusting. I'm lucky I dont have a high risk HPV that causes cancer. And I'm sure if I had HIV that my genital warts would be on an outbreak which they haven't in over a year, once they went away they never came back.

Anyways I'm basically going insane. NEVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH ANYONE... Even when I asked this a**hole he either lied or cheated on me. I'm so sad......... I can't get an HIV test I just can't.... I don't even know why I wrote in here because basically all anyone can say is go get tested. *sigh* I'll just keep convincing myself I'm fine...

Its very unlikely you have HIV. And most people do not have Herpes, well not genital herpes anyway.
You were unlucky to met this particular man he was a creep.
Good advice *Don't have unprotected sex*
I can understand why you feel so sad, he lied or cheated and you trusted him.
I can remember getting obsessed like that ( many years ago now) Eventually I had tests they were clear.
Such a relief.
You should get tested if you are really worried, as I've said its highly unlikely you have HIV. It will put your mind at rest.

Thank u so much for writing that.. U have no idea how good that makes me feel. Ya I live in Canada and even when I asked the nurse and my doctor if I should get tested she said there's really no point. And my doctor basically laughed when I asked for a syphilis test.

I guess going from having no sti to having one made me SO paranoid.

Thank u so much you'll never know how much that meant. Thank you!!

I was in a situation a lot like yours, I struggled with the hiv fear for 6 years. I got tested several times-all negative but couldn't accept the results. It drove me to have a dellusional period of my life that was a nightmare. For me it was the shame of sleeping with someone that was not worthy of me. I think the fact that this guy lied to you and yanked that sense of trust right out from under you did a lot of damage and may have resulted in an unfounded fear of hiv.

Chlamydia is curable and most cases of genital warts resolve on their own over time. Yes herpes is forever (I contracted it from my ex husband when I was 19, we weren't using protection and he had a full blown visible outbreak but I was too young to know what it was, he said it was a rash) 1 in 5 people do have it but it's not as easy to transmit as ppl would have you believe. If it's been 2 years since your encounter with this guy then you probablly would have had an outbreak by now if you did have it. Most women are not asymptomatic. Botttom line, contracting an std, especially at such a young age is traumatizing....you did everything right, you asked about his status and used protection. I can't imagine if someone asked me of my status and I didn't disclose the herpes. wtf.

As far as testing for hiv, most people are advised to get tested yearly if they are sexually active and use protection. (unless they're high risk) I don't get the impression you are at all. So really get the test or not, there's no guarantee your negative result will relieve your worries, my numerous negative results didn't because the fear came from somewhere else, maybe you can work with a therapist to understand further how this trauma has affected your feelings about your body and your sexuality. Love yourself.

Just wanted to add one more thing, chlamydia and warts are more common statistically and easier to transmit than hiv. I don't think you have much to worry about as far as having hiv but a test doesn't hurt, just remind yourself that healthy people get tested for hiv all the time, if your immune system has suppressed (or beaten) the warts then obviously you're healthy.

If/when you muster up the courage ( and i feel that you will) to get tested, see if you can find a same day results place to get it done so it's like ripping off a bandaid, unpleasant but over with all at once. It's been enough time that one test is all you need to put your mind at ease. Psychiatrists have actually recognized that hiv fear is a growing mental problem, it's draws on feelings of shame and mistrust so even with a negative result you would really benefit from therapy. Hang in there.

...btw I edited both of these posts because I was making them all about me, and really I wanted to focus on your issue but got off track lol.

Hi mm420,

This thread is a little old and I hope that things have settled down for you a bit.

However, if you are still living in fear and reading this thread I would first like to say that I am sorry you are feeling this way. I understand that when we are afraid of something it usually takes tons of effort to deal with it. I also understand that you fear is exacerbated by the infection that your ex- boyfriend had transmitted to you. So, although your fear of HIV is probably just a fear, it is "attached" to something that objectively happened and thus becomes more realistic in your mind.

You are not isolated in your fear. Hundreds of thousands of people are afraid of the same thing. However, HIV nowadays is nowhere near where it had been a decade or two ago. Recently, another generation of 1 per day combo pill has been approved. These meds work and HIV has become a chronic infection rather than some demonic like death penalty. HIV infected people live normal lives, have healthy (protected) sex lives with their non infected partners and days when it was believed that mosquitoes, swimming pools, men's change ro0ms and dirty looks can transmit HIV are long gone.

As I said, I understand that for you your fear is almost as real as the infection itself. However, you have not tested + so far. And the best starting point would be to do an HIV test, if you have not already done it. HIV can be symptomatic or asymptomatic and there is no way that you can tell anything about it with certainty just based on how your genital warts reacted or if they had been inactive all this time. HIV can happen to anyone and it is not easy to initially accept it. In fact, it is scary $#%^ in the beginning. I consider myself brave and believe I'd be OK, yet I know if my result ever comes + I would probably just shut down and everything I know in that moment would become a silence until I pick myself up again.

It is normal to be afraid of HIV. It is also normal to sometimes be careless when it comes to STD protection. But you have NOT tested positive so far. Please, don't live the reality that is not yours. Get tested. Educate yourself. Live your life.

I'm not a hypochondriac. But I do fear getting an STD, I get tested regularly and am extremely anal about safe sex. I'm told I go overboard. Though the people that told me that, one ended up with HIV, the other has sex but didn't get the person's HIV. Just saying. Use protected sex. It's sick what that person did to you, he's a creep. Nuff said. Sorry you had to deal with that.