Passion and empathy

Hey all.

First of all, I'm not HPD, so apologies in advance for intruding. For the sake of context, I'm apparently the first one of these two (already diagnosed as schizotypal).

I've been trying to figure out some things about myself that didn't quite fit, and I think it's starting to make sense now. There are two themes that I've been particularly interested in recently: empathy and passion.

I have only a superficial understanding of HPD, and unfortunately I don't have time right now to read much from this forum (I'll certainly do it later), but I have a sense that I'm particularly drawn towards women with histrionic traits. The ones I think of having these traits who I actually had any closeness with were actually a very comforting presence for me and helped me achieve growth and a measure of peace.

I think this is precisely related to both passion and empathy. I have no passion of my own, I'm completely formless and directionless on my own. Passion must be inspired by a woman. My life is all about admiring (not only women though). It makes me happy. And as I grew up I learned to regard any allegedly selfless feelings from the outside as dangerous. Lack of empathy is comforting. Means my problems are not a problem, so they cease to be a problem.

In other words, I feel like women provide me with goals and with the insight that I have the tools to achieve them. I don't really know what I'm asking here... I guess I've always been afraid of the consequences of surrendering my will (or even part of it), but I'm starting to think it's just that. Fear.

Opinions?..

PS: In case it's not clear from my post, I don't care if you hate HPD women because they're mean and they've ruined your life and yadda yadda. Your problem, not mine. Don't post in this thread if you're going to be hostile.

Interesting. If i understood you correctly you get emotional motivation, especially passion, from beautiful women. Many HPD women are beautiful.
HPD's women are similar in that they receive self-esteem from their mostly male audiences.
So are you asking the HPD's here if your experience and theirs is similar? It might be, although I dont know if HPD and Schizotypal have a similar therapeutic solution.
If you're asking if an HPD would make an ideal mate for you be advised that most of them maintain a male audience (fan club) characterized by lots of turnover.

One guy is often not enough. Of course there are variations and some HPD's will attempt monogamy.
One problem many have is they initially idealize their man, only to contemptuously devalue him later when
they find common flaws. Yet they will steadfastly refuse to look inside themselves whenrelationship problems arise and solutions need to be found.

Thus, the blame and responsibility for any turmoil ends up put on the non-HPD person.

It is only when they become self aware and take responsibility for their own choices does true genuine beauty emerge (may it be so )

The tone within your writing seems to indicate the nature of your disorder is not nearly so emotionally volatile (?)

I guess I'm asking both things. Thanks for clarifying it to myself

orion8591 wrote:Interesting. If i understood you correctly you get emotional motivation, especially passion, from beautiful women. Many HPD women are beautiful.

Yes. Not only beautiful in the narrowest sense ("magazine adverts" — they tend to be extreme to the point of devaluing it anyway), but also in behavior. For example, I had a friend who was very important to me in my early 20's. The way she reacted and the things she said helped me out of depression. I think two words sum up very well the way I saw her: exuberant and chaotic.

HPD's women are similar in that they receive self-esteem from their mostly male audiences.
So are you asking the HPD's here if your experience and theirs is similar? It might be, although I dont know if HPD and Schizotypal have a similar therapeutic solution.

As for proper psychological treatment, there's apparently none for StPD. Not for me at least, since I'm relatively high-functioning already. It's all about managing fundamental differences from other people and practical difficulties in day-to-day functioning because of these differences. It's basically "schizophrenia without madness".

If you're asking if an HPD would make an ideal mate for you be advised that most of them maintain a male audience (fan club) characterized by lots of turnover.

Hehe yes, I'm very aware of this. As long as it doesn't mean bringing unwelcome people (or.. diseases...) into my life, that's not necessarily a problem. Emotional attachment exists only between me and images I form inside my head. If I want to be with a woman because of her chaotic nature, I think I must respect her desire to seek variety and excitement. There are ways to do it by mutual agreement, and I'm completely in favor of them. I also have a short memory, I don't hold grudges...

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orion8591 wrote:One guy is often not enough. Of course there are variations and some HPD's will attempt monogamy.

Honestly I think I myself would be bored. At the very least I would introduce the idea of an occasional threesome. (With other women, please. No men. Yuck. Want one, have him for yourself.)

One problem many have is they initially idealize their man, only to contemptuously devalue him later when they find common flaws. Yet they will steadfastly refuse to look inside themselves when relationship problems arise and solutions need to be found.

Hehe I'm good at piercing into other people's souls. Look deep into my eyes...

Thus, the blame and responsibility for any turmoil ends up put on the non-HPD person.

I guess this is the part I'm afraid of. Not noticing it and feeling guilty. But I think I'm prepared for it. I have freed myself from guilt before.

It is only when they become self aware and take responsibility for their own choices does true genuine beauty emerge (may it be so )

That's a... beautiful sentence

The tone within your writing seems to indicate the nature of your disorder is not nearly so emotionally volatile (?)

I actually am volatile, but it's in very complex and seemingly random ways. Feelings are compartmentalized. I watch myself from the outside when they grow too strong. Guilt seems to be the only feeling capable of invading and corrupting my reason.

Sans the frequent misinterpretation of situations as being strange or having unusual meaning for you, we are close in thinking. The danger for you will lie in this perception. Realize that they act as they do of their own accord and, as a result of their disorder. Any perceptions you may have of their actions will be interpreted by you as having a special connotation. Realize for them, the novelty in their selection of you will be clouded by your own misinterpretation of the uniqueness of their attention. In a world of being aloof and disconnected to be suddenly being inundated with emotion is intoxicating. Therein lies the rub for you my friend.

Big C wrote:Sans the frequent misinterpretation of situations as being strange or having unusual meaning for you, we are close in thinking.

Just so I know, who are "you" in this "we"?

The danger for you will lie in this perception.

What perception?

Realize that they act as they do of their own accord

So do I. I don't like something, I don't agree with something, I don't do it. I'm inflexible about it. All else is possibilities and is good. I'm very flexible about it.

Any perceptions you may have of their actions will be interpreted by you as having a special connotation.

I don't get what you mean. What kind of connotation? "Love", you mean? That's a completely foreign concept to me. Or is it something else you're referring to?

Realize for them, the novelty in their selection of you will be clouded by your own misinterpretation of the uniqueness of their attention.

Uniqueness of their attention for me, you mean? Sorry, I might be sounding sarcastic or something, but I'm really confused by the things you're saying.

In a world of being aloof and disconnected to be suddenly being inundated with emotion is intoxicating. Therein lies the rub for you my friend.

Yes, this part I get. I think this is precisely why my HPD-like friends helped me grow. They (actively or passively) provoked me. They made me access parts of me that I didn't know. But they were good friends and they kept their distance. They allowed me to learn about myself in ways that no therapist could have. Spelunking is my hobby.

I had a sudden bout of passion for someone online a few days ago. It was an interesting experience, because it was completely obvious that it was not congruent with the situation. I didn't try to suppress the feeling, but I didn't attribute any meaning to it either.

Passion is a selfish feeling. It entails entitlement, not affection. I was quite proud of myself for being able to compartmentalize it. I'm talking daily with that person about it, and she's being a great friend. She doesn't deny the selfishness of her actions, and that's what I deem as a healthy attitude.

Hi anagram. Good to see that you're making the most of lots of the forums here.

masquerade wrote:Hi anagram. Good to see that you're making the most of lots of the forums here.

Ah.. isn't the human mind fascinating?

Totally. Welcome to HPD. Was wondering when you'd find time to visit, after exploring the site. We make everyone welcome here, come in and enjoy the coffee.

anagram wrote: Passion is a selfish feeling. It entails entitlement, not affection. I was quite proud of myself for being able to compartmentalize it. I'm talking daily with that person about it, and she's being a great friend. She doesn't deny the selfishness of her actions, and that's what I deem as a healthy attitude.

That's a really important paragraph. Self awareness, self knowledge, transcedence and growth are then within one's reach.