My2cents wrote:What is the NPD woman like? Narcissistic. Other than that, it depends on which one.
Narcissists form an image of the ideal person they want to be, and act like that's who they are. How they present themselves depends on which qualities they consider most important.
I've known one and seen several of the traits I'm about to list. I think most of the items in the list will apply to most narcissists, of any age.
-Sense of humor is never self-deprecating. It's usually laughing about other people to look down on them. She would be very embarrassed if her own flaws were exposed.
-She has a history of failed relationships (romantic, family, friends, work), but they are invariably the other person's fault.
-She has an inordinate desire to be praised or thanked. Should you not praise frequently enough, or on an occasion she expects it, she will be upset. Maybe it will come out as light-hearted teasing or compliment-fishing instead of aggressively demanding praise, but it's clear that she expects to be praised. She wants credit and recognition.
-If someone else is better than her at something, either it's not an important skill, or it's because the other person has an unfair advantage. It can't be because she isn't as good and should look up to the person.
-Accuses other people of being arrogant. This is projection. If she is the first to notice another person's arrogance, says she knows a lot of arrogant people, is the only person to say that a certain person is arrogant, then pay attention.
-Doesn't seem to understand the difference between objective and subjective. Her opinion is a fact. If she believes something, any sensible person would believe it too. If you disagree, you are wrong, and you're arrogant for thinking you knew when you clearly didn't.
-Is very concerned about how her friends, children, etc, make her look. If she has children, their morality is based on don't do anything that will reflect badly on mommy. If she values intelligence, all of her friends will be articulate and well-read. If she values appearance, all of her friends will be dressed fashionably. She doesn't want someone in her entourage that will make her look bad. But they can't upstage her either.
-All her failures are someone else's fault. If her team lost the basketball game, it's because her teammate didn't pass her the ball more often. If she failed her history paper about how Martin Luther stole all of his ideas from John Calvin, it's because her professor is a Lutheran, not because she was wrong (that's just an example I made up). By the way, she knows at least as much about every subject as each of her professors.
-It's her way or the highway. Either she is running the show, or she is not interested.
-She might have plenty to say about other people. So-and-so is incompetent, crazy, ugly, rude, unfashionable . . . usually bad things about someone else. We all do it sometimes, but she does it more often.
-Absolutely hates being corrected on factual errors. If you're arguing, and she realizes you are right, you are sleeping on the couch tonight. If she is telling her friends she met you 7 months ago, and you say no it was 6 months ago, she will resent you for embarrassing her in front of her friends.
She could have any occupation, any physique, any religion, whatever. The important thing is to listen to what she says. She will say a sentence here or there which gives you a window into her thoughts. If you listen when she talks, once in a while she will say something and think nothing of it, but you might think it seems unusual.
Pay attention to how yourself, your family, your friends, and other people behave around her. See how your habits change. Whenever you meet someone, your behavior will subtly adapt. Depending on her personality, your behavior will change in certain ways. If you catch yourself developing a habit you didn't have before, think about it.
It seems My2cents that we have a cluster b variety that is not "normally" attractive. At least no where near to the extent of the bpd's, and hpd's.
Let me ask this: What if the NPD was of such a woman who cut men down? Like, let's say she made the men dependent on her (helps her image as the provider, gives her power this way and she was initiate systems of reward and punishment more easy, which is necessary for mind control).
There is a certain breed or type of woman I have been observing over the years that is doubtless abusive but she does not fit conventional cluster b profiles. Instead (i hate to say this, but in many ways she fits into what is called Inverted Narcissisim, something maybe coined by Sam Vankin). I panned her off a year or two back (this profile of a woman) as being a co-dependent sort and running the control patterns of co-dependents. Now I am not so sure this is correct due to too many reasons and situations to name here in a single post.
But let's say the man is a successfull businessman and she is a nurse. Then let's say she assures him that he should stay at home while she works (maybe her getting pregnant sets this stage and she wants him to be the stay at home dad). It would take stress off him, just be for awhile, you know how it goes. She may even say they can take turns being the stay at home person. After all, her carrerr is important too.
Then all the sudden other reasons emerge that make it better for things to be as they are (he can just stay at home, maybe he can start a home based business). After all, what is hers is his. They are married.
In time however she begins to keep more of a tight lease on the money, get more authoritative, and begins to "look at him" like exactly as he is: A man without a job. Time passes, so much time passes that he cannot easily pick up where he left off. His office space was sold, a lot of his cliets have new places they do business, and the like. This is tied into the lapse of time before the narc rages. A lot of times they will get upset or make a move, but the covert narc will not do anything until time has passed so that there rage could be connected to the event (because they let time pass. they wait but they don't forget).
I am shooting in the dark with an example like the one above, but could it be the npd woman somehow creates a false sense of security in the man she is with to isolate him or to get him to depend on her? Then, she splits and does other things.
Would you at least agree she needs men and people to depend on her because that literally makes most of the characteristics you wrote possible,
My2cents wrote:Is very concerned about how her friends, children, etc, make her look. If she has children, their morality is based on don't do anything that will reflect badly on mommy. If she values intelligence, all of her friends will be articulate and well-read. If she values appearance, all of her friends will be dressed fashionably. She doesn't want someone in her entourage that will make her look bad. But they can't upstage her either.
-All her failures are someone Else's fault. If her team lost the basketball game, it's because her teammate didn't pass her the ball more often. If she failed her history paper about how Martin Luther stole all of his ideas from John Calvin, it's because her professor is a Lutheran, not because she was wrong (that's just an example I made up). By the way, she knows at least as much about every subject as each of her professors.
-It's her way or the highway. Either she is running the show, or she is not interested.
-She might have plenty to say about other people. So-and-so is incompetent, crazy, ugly, rude, unfashionable . . . usually bad things about someone else. We all do it sometimes, but she does it more often.
-Absolutely hates being corrected on factual errors. If you're arguing, and she realizes you are right, you are sleeping on the couch tonight. If she is telling her friends she met you 7 months ago, and you say no it was 6 months ago, she will resent you for embarrassing her in front of her friends.
She could have any occupation, any physique, any religion, whatever. The important thing is to listen to what she says. She will say a sentence here or there which gives you a window into her thoughts. If you listen when she talks, once in a while she will say something and think nothing of it, but you might think it seems unusual.
If no one is on equal ground with her, all of the above can become a simple way of life for her.
Another point i want to mention is "infantization" and that if in fact the npd woman did infantize their men by somehow making their men depend on them (in small ways at first but major ways later), then this fits perfectly into why we see so much accurate information on NPD mothers. Because the npd woman infantizes her husbands/boyfriends in ways that almost makes it like they are the npd woman's children. There was some theory about parentalization/infantization that was well detailed about npd woman. One thing according to it was that the npd woman needs infantization in order for it to function at its full capacity. If infantization isn't there, then the npd woman will create it in subtle ways that appear to be out of their loving kind heart.
But I have never been with one.
My2cents wrote:She could have any occupation, any physique
Any physique? So you think it could be fair to say that out of bpd/npd/hpd that npd is the pd that we should pay the least amount of attention to physique to?
Another thing I have noticed is the npd's seem to love to give advice more than most people. In fact they say little unless it is connected to advice they are giving. This puts them "one up". They also appear to do a similiar technique by "suggesting" you have issues. So like,
"my2cents, what you said about ****makes me wonder if you have any issues with***".
So by them suggesting you have a problem or an issue, they can more readily put themself into the position of offering the solution.
Anyway, from what you're saying, the npd woman isn't much of a seductress. She isn't much of a "siren", she is more of a dictator. She is like a know it all drill instuctor of some type? As long as she isn't a seductress, I should be pretty safe from her

. Lol, she probably tells women who do have good sex lives how their good sex life is a problem

.
Well i don't know if i've rung any bells here. I still could be way off. I just see this one disorder obscure in women, but I see it as a set of traits that run powerfully through bpd and hpd. As for npd men, maybe it is the same. In other words maybe the same theories could be applied: They infantize the woman (by taking care of them offering all this security...just like a parent does a child), and then once that arrangement has been accepted, they feel they can do no wrong do matter what they do.
Is there a difference between a narcissist and someone with NPD?