Backup supply?

After me and my HPD broke up last Decemeber after I discovered her massive cheating for the first 6 months of our 2 year's relationship, she is not attentive to me like HPDs suppose to be. The situation is actually upside down because she became in still is somehow ignoring. When we lived together she used to send me texts and give me calls multiple times a day and she asked me did I safely come to work etc. After I told her to leave from my apartment she cut off all the communication. I tried to talk to her by phone (we have a baby together) but she refused to. She also has great support from her parents which don't like me since I told her to leave. They ignore me when I visit my baby every Saturday. I found out that she probably told them that she went on drinks with guys and that it wasn't considered cheating for her. The truth is she screwed multiple guys without protection and gave me STDs and I was doubting if child was actually mine and so I have done paternity test.

Situation now is like that. I found out she has got her secret profile on Facebook and she wrote to some guy she knows much longer than me. When I found out that and told her about it she deleted it immediately and said they were just friends. But here is a question... Do you think that guy became her first choice of supply and I went to second or even lower? We hear eachother every day, we make love when I am on visitation of my kid, she says she loves me all the time and want to be together. But she doesn't send me any texts, even if I write her she doesn't write back always. But when we argue and I put the phone down she calls back every time. And if I don't call her for couple of days when she does something inappropriate she doesn't even try to solve things and waits till I call her.

Do you think if she wouldn't care she wouldn't talk to me? Or she just uses me as her source of supply and she devalued me? The thing is I think if she cared she would come back after abandonment? But she behaved ignoring which surprised me. Truly there was some influence of her parents who doesn't like me, but... What should I do with attention to her? Should I be attentive or not at all? I don't know how much is enough and when is too much/too little...

butchannon, I think you are beating a dead horse at the moment, no offense. This relationship you have with her is dead, and the only reason it stays alive is because you keep giving it a shock when it's heart stops beating. (meaning you keep coming back to it and reaching out to her even though she has shown little interest, and of course she is willing to accept the special attention, especially if she's HPD.)

If she truly cared about you, whether or not she has HPD, she would want to be more of a part of your life and she wouldn't ignore you so often. Of course she doesn't like when you hang up during a fight, she wants to have the last word in.

Since she is HPD, she is more apt than a non would be to keep you around indefinitely as supply no matter who she is most interested in at the moment. But that's just it.. do you want to be someone's 'supply source' or someone's romantic partner and best friend? You can continue in this one-sided relationship or you can move on to something that is satisfying to you and to your partner. Right now she is satisfied because she gets to keep you and do whatever she wants in the meantime. You aren't satisfied because you want to be exclusive with her.

Because you have a child with her she'll always be a part of your life, but how much of a part of your life do you want to make her? By all means see your child as often as possible, but don't bend over backwards for her attention or her needs, and have good legal arrangements in place to protect your paternal rights and your child's rights. If you aren't ready to let her go yet, then you have to think logically about your own motives and what you are trying to accomplish here.

She wanted to spend more time with me for the last two months. Because I got no job that time we see eachother 3 times a week (not every day because of the distance between us - 190 kms). We went to spa or trips for whole day.

She became somehow more attentive when I am at her place. She cooks exclusively for me (I didn't get any food for 3 months on visitations) she is there with me all the time (I was alone with our daughter in the beginning).

Butch,

I hate to be blunt with you, but you need to hear it.

What ever your woman is, doesn't matter. If anything, she is one messed up cookie and no good for anyone, including you. She a lost cause and it will never change. There is nothing you can do and no one here can help you solve it . get that through your head.

Give up on her and get a life. Your post are all saying the same thing. Listen to yourself. It is frustrating to read them

SHE IS NO GOOD!!! PERIOD and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. YOU CAN LOOK AFTER YOU THOUGH >>>> LET HER GO AND GO NO CONTACT.

Get that through your head and start moving on with your life with out her.

And don't play the child card, it is getting a little stale as well.

good luck..

yes butchannon, she may be good to you for a few days here and there. but what does that matter if she is ignoring or terrible to be around the rest of the time? you shouldn't have to live such an un balanced lifestyle where you're just getting crumbs of good times to tide you over. do you want a meal or do you want crumbs? the choice is yours.

I can see that you really want to make it work. I've been there too, trying to desperately make it work with a man with BPD. and yes, we had a child together, and he later passed away after our break up but his passing away is a story for a different day. After 6 years, when I left, I had finally come to the realization that the situation was never going to change. I wouldn't say I wasted those 6 years of my life because I learned a lot about myself and about relationships and had a beautiful daughter, but I wouldn't want to go through that again because it was pure hell. once I was alone, I realized that I didn't feel much different than when I was with him. being in a relationshp with a disordered person or a person who isn't really interested in you is the same thing as being alone, because in a one-sided relationship you truly are alone anyway. why not be alone for real and live your life to the fullest without having to cater to someone else's unreasonable demands, and wait for something better to come along.

TreeTop...

You are beating a dead horse.

He won't listen. He has been saying and asking the same questions for months.

I give up on him....