HPD Frequently Answered Questions

With this topic as I get time I want to answer all the frequently answered repeated questions we get at this forum and some concerns from the members via PM about HPD in people.

This list of questions will be added to and answered over time so feel free to check back in on it from time to time at your leisure.

Questions

Q: Can anyone give an official diagnosis of HPD on the forum for myself or someone else?

A: Of course not. This is just a message board where opinions and conjecture are given and while often those opinions have a ring of authority to them they are by no means an official diagnosis. Even if a mental health professional were to post on the board they could not diagnose you or anyone else either as it would be unethical. To get a proper diagnosis if any is needed one must make an appointment with a mental health professional.

Q: Is HPD a male or female disorder because I've seen it mostly referenced towards being a disorder of women on this forum?

A: Both men and women can have HPD. It is referenced in posts as "she" or "her" mostly when explaining things because most of the current victim posters here have only dealt with a female HPD and female HPD's are the majority of the sufferers of the disorder. The female words "she" and "her" are also used for matters of convenience and typing understandable sentences and paragraphs out quickly when describing HPD. Those words can usually be easily replaced with "he" by the reader as most HPD behaviour when its either a man or woman with the disorder is the same.

Q: Can an HPD be a quiet and introverted person instead of outgoing and engaging?

A: Yes. These are known as passive aggressive Histrionics and are detailed in the book Emotional Vampires

Q: What causes HPD?

A: No one knows for absolute certainty what causes it.

There's just very good theories that have been put out there by various professionals.

The theories I've heard of range from slight brain damage to the mother child bond not being fully established by the age of 2, to sexual molestation or verbal abuse by one or both parents while growing up.

Q: Do HPD's have empathy and if not does that mean they have no emotions?

A: In researching HPD it is said they have a lack of empathy which indicates that they may have some if not a lot. While other well read people on the disorder here have said their studies have concluded by reading professional documents that HPD's have no empathy at all.

My conclusion is whether HPD's have empathy or not vary's from HPD to HPD.

Some have it and some don't.

Empathy can be taught to some people by a mental health professional as in that professional helps the person connect with their empathy they didn't know they had or teaches it to them and how it works and they finally start to have it naturally because they have a natural ability for it that somehow just didn't get triggered as they were growing up. Some people can never attain empathy though sadly and this doesn't just apply to HPD's but indeed some members of the population just simply cannot get it no matter what.

Anyway the majority of HPD's that do have empathy are still severely lacking in it which explains how they could do some of the cruel things they have done to friends and lovers over the years with no apparent remorse over it.

I've noticed on the forum empathy and emotions often get mixed up with people thinking they are the same thing so I will answer the initial question right now...the lack of HPD's empathy makes them react to us not in a way that a normal person would react. This lack of empathy makes them behave odd and cold towards us when we were under the impression this was one of the most loving people we had ever met. Lacking in empathy the HPD does not understand our situation and love for her and how we view her so she can act coldly to us all of a sudden and not know how badly we are affected by it.

If an HPD later is revealed all of this in a therapy setting she would likely cry or feel incredibly bad over realizing how much people in her past truly loved her. This crying denotes that HPD's do have emotions even inspite of their lack of empathy.

I hope this answers the question.

Finishing this section out I will post the dictionary definitions of empathy and emotion to hopefully stop some of the confusion of posters over these two words:

empathy:

Noun
1. Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives. See Synonyms at pity. 2. The attribution of one's own feelings to an object.

emotion:

Noun
1. A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love. 2. A state of mental agitation or disturbance: spoke unsteadily in a voice that betrayed his emotion. See Synonyms at feeling. 3. The part of the consciousness that involves feeling; sensibility.

Q: What is the HPD game that I've been hearing about and why do HPD's play it?

A: The HPD game basically is trying to make a person fall madly in love with them, they do this to get a sense of validation which they need to feel a measure of self worth as they either can't get this feeling or get it as much as normal people by telling themselves they are worth something and taking pride in their accomplishments outside of relationship conquests. Once this game is won by the HPD once they have someone in love with them they get their much needed validation and self worth fix. The games conclusion varies from HPD to HPD.

Some HPD's get rid of that partner who is still in love forever with no good explanation for doing so. Its just out of the blue and a shock and others withdraw and the partner gets the sense its over and once he or she starts to move on the HPD then sees them as worth manipulating again into a relationship as this person has by moving on right away made the HPD feel worthless again or something to that effect and for the HPD to re conqueor this person brings back their lost validation that was lost when this person was able to so easily move on. This need to re-conquer happens also when someone dumps the HPD and not the other way around.

Also a more important reason an HPD plays this game is that the excitement and distraction from doing this are needed to ward off the anxiety and depression that come about during an HPD's downtimes of not doing this.

Q: I'm an HPD and want to get better how can I do this?

A: Seeing a therapist is always the best option, however if you don't have the money to get treated or a free clinic for treatment in your area and self help is your only option I definitely recommend any of the books below to help you understand and overcome your disorder as much as possible at least until you can finally get professional treatment for it.

1. Emotional Vampires by Albert J. Bernstein

2. The Personality Disorders : A New Look at the Developmental Self and Object Relations Approach: Theory - Diagnosis - Treatment by James F. Masterson

3. Hysterical Personality Style and Histrionic Personality Disorder by Mardi Jon Horowitz.

4. Hysteria by Christopher Bollas

Also here is a helpful topic with some links to sites that talk about HPD.

http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=88276#88276

Finally remember as an HPD from now on let your thoughts be your guide. Think about your decisions more carefully big and small alike as critical thinking is a large aspect of recovery from Histrionic Personality Disorder.

Q: What is projection?

A: According to Sigmund Freud, projection is a psychological defense mechanism whereby one "projects" one's own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires, feelings—basically parts of oneself—onto someone else

Q: Are HPD's a type of sociopath?

A: No, but being part of the Cluster B of Personality Disorders which sociopaths and HPD's are both a part they share many commonalities in dealing with others though the goal of these relationships be they professional or personal is different.

Q: Are HPD's emotionally draining?

A: To simplify the explanation, let's say that emotional energy (ee) levels are equivalent to emotional states, when you have high ee levels, you are delighted, happy, contented etc and when you have low ee levels, you are angry, sad, frustrated, depressed etc.

When you interact with another person, emotional energy flows from the person with the higher ee level to the person with the lower ee level to eventually reach an equilibrium. So if person A was ecstatic and person B was feeling cynical, the ee levels may balance out so that person A felt merely contented and person B felt a little more hopeful.

In the normal course of things, people's ee levels change all the time, and their status as the person with the higher or lower ee levels would also change. So when you feel blue, your friends might come round to cheer you up and vice versa.

Cheering you up when you feel blue is one of the best gifts a true friend can give you because they are giving of themselves and their emotional energy to make you feel better. They are effectively making themselves a little sadder to make you a little happier.

The problem with HPDs (yes, we are finally getting to the point) is that this interaction is one way only. Because HPDs like to turn their lives into soap-operas, their lives are always excessively dramatic and they are just about always sad or depressed or frustrated or angry because you know, they're the helpless, hapless victims. And they constantly want your reassurance because this is a form of the attention they crave. And so they drain you of every drop of good feeling you have till you feel physically exhausted and emotionally numb, not happy, not sad, just numb. What I find scary in my experience, is that too much exposure to an HPD actually leaves you so drained that you can't even work up the appropriate emotion when something genuinely important occurs in your life.

The other thing with HPDs is that even when they're not in obviously low emotional states, they constantly want to be the centre of attention and paying someone attention is another form of energy drain. It's probably not as obvious and as large a drain as having to reassure a weeping, wailing HPD, but after a couple of hours in their presence, it compounds so after a night spent in their company, you feel strangely flat and a little depressed.

Finally, if the HPD is really getting her fangs into you, then she will embroil you directly in her drama by playing games and manipulating behind the scenes to create whatever climax she is looking for; if this is the case, then not only will you feel drained or depressed, you are likely to feel totally manipulated, frustrated, outraged, confused and stupid.

Thanks very helpful.

Hi. I was recently diagnosed with HPD, and I can tell you that all that diagnosis means is that I met five of eight criteria after a subjective test. The way people on this forum talk about people with HPD is without compassion; you talk about them like they are monsters--evil, nonempathetic, and caring only about themselves. I have empathy, I genuinely care about people, and I have not done any of the following behaviors: cheating, lying, or dumping someone and moving on quickly to someone else. If I am dumped by a man, I am the one suffering and unable to function; he moves on fairly quickly to another woman. Also, if a boyfriend asks me to adjust a behavior because it infringes on his life, I do so; I genuinely want my boyfriend to be happy. Individuals are not their diseases; they are people with a wide range of behaviors within the disease. Although I know within that I am a good person, after getting this diagnosis, I am full of shame, self-loathing, and a lot of pain, and reading stuff like what is on this forum makes me feel even worse about myself. Please understand that nobody chooses to have a disease. I have also had boyfriends who did not give me feedback that aligns with the way people on this forum talk about people with HPD. I can only do the best I can do.

nuerhope wrote:

Hi. I was recently diagnosed with HPD, and I can tell you that all that diagnosis means is that I met five of eight criteria after a subjective test. The way people on this forum talk about people with HPD is without compassion; you talk about them like they are monsters--evil, nonempathetic, and caring only about themselves. I have empathy, I genuinely care about people, and I have not done any of the following behaviors: cheating, lying, or dumping someone and moving on quickly to someone else. If I am dumped by a man, I am the one suffering and unable to function; he moves on fairly quickly to another woman. Also, if a boyfriend asks me to adjust a behavior because it infringes on his life, I do so; I genuinely want my boyfriend to be happy. Individuals are not their diseases; they are people with a wide range of behaviors within the disease. Although I know within that I am a good person, after getting this diagnosis, I am full of shame, self-loathing, and a lot of pain, and reading stuff like what is on this forum makes me feel even worse about myself. Please understand that nobody chooses to have a disease. I have also had boyfriends who did not give me feedback that aligns with the way people on this forum talk about people with HPD. I can only do the best I can do.

Have you ever thought you were not diagnosed properly?

Even you said you didn't feel the self loathing until AFTER the diagnoses.

Many doctors and test make mistakes. Just look at the medical field.

My profession is FILLED with mistakes. People are given "meds" they don't need, are taught their co-dependent when in fact they weren't...are transformed into drug addicts (due to Xanax for example...something prescribed for anti anxiety) and given Lithium--even though their Lithium levels come back fine (yet the shrink says they need it to stabilize moods, etc).

I'm not saying that you don't know you, but if you don't quack like a duck, if you don't act like a duck...then you probably aren't a duck.

Every day people are told they have an illness they later find out they don't have. Women are told, by some test, they are pregnant when in fact the were not.

This is why we have the concept of "a second opinion".

Anyway...just some thoughts...

jmac Your story about being recently diagnosed with hpd probably needs a 2nd opinion. You certainly do not fit the hpd type. I think people who have hpd dont bother going into forums.........I might be wrong

Taking a shot at a very preliminary "topical" index to some of what's covered here in the HPD forum. All links are to threads in this HPD forum only. Links are not to the exact individual posting - all start at the top of the thread. Once you link there you need to skim the various posts in that thread to find your exact item. All people references are to academic / book publishers only.

Just a start., but gives you some solid links to various resource materials...

Addicted to an HPD? (codependency)
Addiction (HPD as self addiction, odd reinforcement patterns, etc. See Also Addiction to an HPD, Codependency)
Alexthelatina (A Very Public Person With HPD, Web Site, Utube Postings...)
American Psychoanalytic Organization
Application of Academic Writings (Books / Professional Articles on HPD related to Real People, Live Support Cases)
Body Language
Books On HPD
Crisis Situations (Psychological)
Clarkin, J.F
Codependency, Overcoming That (Thanks Tatteredknight)
Codependent With A HPD - See Especially Willi, Jürg - The Hysterical Marriage
Cognitive Aspects of HPD (Sperry, L. And Beck, Freeman & Associates), CBT
Cognitive Behavior Therapy HPD / Len Sperry
Comorbidity With HPD
Cornell University Medical College PDI
Countertransference (Professional Version of Co-Dependency)
Deida, David, The Way of The Superior Man (Ch. 15, Stop Hoping For Your Woman to Get Easier)
Dissociation Aspects of HPD
Do I have HPD?
Dual Diagnosis And The Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) [Very Good HPD Reference Article]
Effective Treatment of HPD
Emotional Deprivation Schema, And How to Change
Empathy (How People With HPD Can Develop / Increase Their Capacity For Empathy)
Entitlement/Self-Centeredness Schema, And How to Change
Field Dependent (Concrete) Vs Field Independent (Analytical), Cognitive Style
Flipping / Splitting / Caricatures
Gabbard, G.O.
Groucho Marx Complex
HPD Forum Users With HPD Or HPD Like Traits - (So You Can Read 1st Person Accounts)
HPD Type - Appeasing
HPD Type - Disingenuous
HPD Type - Infantile
HPD Type - Tempestuous
HPD Type - Theatrical
HPD Type - Vivacious
Impulsivity Vs. Reflectivity, Cognitive Style
Insurance Aspects of HPD / PD Treatment
Journaling
Kernberg, Otto
Kernberg, Otto - Borderline Etiology / DSM 5 BP (BPD, HPD & NPD) vs. AsPD
Leveling Vs. Sharpening, Cognitive Style
Lower Cost Treatment of HPD
Meta Cognition (Self Monitoring)
Million, Theodore
Nomoremrniceguy.Com
Positive traits of HPD
Postures (Striking, Eye-Catching, Graphic…)
Psychoanalytical Reading Lists (The Freud's of Today Read This Stuff!)
Reflective Self Function
Schemas
$#%^ Tests - See Also Co-Dependency / Tatteredknight
Willi, Jürg - The Hysterical Marriage (codependency)
With Much Wisdom, Much Grief

I don't need a doctor to tell me I'm HPD. It's hardcore with me, so yeah, I can totally understand this Game, the draining, et cetera.

It started when I was 11, I hadn't bothered to find out whether it was a disorder until the age of 17. I thought it was just compulsive lying, some obsession, and perhaps a hardcore need of attention. Apparently, there's a name for it and it covers pretty much every aspect of myself.

I'll start a thread about it later.

iamabloodyfool wrote:jmac Your story about being recently diagnosed with hpd probably needs a 2nd opinion. You certainly do not fit the hpd type. I think people who have hpd dont bother going into forums.........I might be wrong

I agree. I have had years of experience with a person with HPD and she is so emotionally draining. Her children (that I am raising feel as if they can't communicate with her honestly, due to her lying, manipulating, and constant demand for the attention to be on her. When we try to tell her what is wrong, she NEVER admits to any wrongdoing, but blames the children and tries to get them to feel sorry for her....she's not as coherent or caring as you seem to be. She'd just deny that she has a problem.

You say a HPD wouldn't come on a forum, I disagree. Attention being the most important thing ever, surely joining a forum and getting it is a great way of getting the attention. And not only attention, attention to the real you, because you're basically anonymous.

Although most of this seems very obvious, it’s worth a quick review. This forum does not provide individual therapy. No one on Psychforum operates in the role of a professional therapist. Everything here is for your "information only." See the very clear disclaimer posted at: disclaimer.php

This is just a public bulletin board, open to all (unless you do something to get you booted out for not following the local rules). The forum offers anonymity and copyright assurance ("material posted on this site is assumed to be the property of the individual posting said material"). It also offers the ability to go back and delete or edit posts at any time, and most important it’s freely accessible by anyone with an Internet connection. There are no fees for services here whatsoever.

Postings from within the U.S. are covered under the U.S. Constitutional (highest law in the land) “Free Speech” provisions…“congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press”. Writings here are considered published speech (i.e in “press”). There are very few restrictions on Free Speech as defined under U.S. constitutional law. Basically, anything goes. Note however that the forum rules are considerably stricter on what you can post without getting thrown out.

Seeking advice on this forum is no different than asking your hairdresser, only here you don’t even know who is on the other end of the line. It can be someone incarcerated for a life term posting from a prison cell. Or it can be like standing up on a public bus in a major city and asking for advice on a personal issue. Some of that advice may in fact be helpful; most of it will likely be useless, or worse yet, totally misinformed. It’s absolutely up to the reader to filter what is of value.

Unless a poster specifically states otherwise, and you can verify it, no one posting here is an MD, PHD, psychologist, clergy, counselor, psychiatric social worker, etc. No one here is engaged here in any type of professional-client type practice.

Moderators can’t keep “crazy” people nor “crazy” ideas off this forum. There is no license required to post. There is no peer review or refined content supervision system. At best it’s a free flowing form for ideas, reactions, links, etc.

Professional counseling, official diagnosis, etc is only available from someone qualified and licensed to do business in your State, if you are in the U.S. Even when dealing with a duly State licensed “professional” you are still well advised to be extremely choosy with whom you place your trust. “Triangulating” in on any important professional from at least three different, independent reference sources is always advisable.

Pope and Vasquez (1988) have reported, over a 15 year period, why psychologist get sued, its interesting reading. Here they are, in descending order of frequency, and a brief note on the implications for what to expect in this forum:

• sexual violations – impossible over just Forum postings
• incompetence in developing or implementing a treatment plan – no one here holds themselves out as acting in a professional capacity.
• loss from evaluation – no one here can perform a professional evaluation
• breech of confidentiality or privacy – the Internet is public. All posts are public. Confidentially here is protected.
• improper diagnosis – no one here can render a professional diagnosis
• suicide – no one here is under any duty to provide any type of competent or continuous care
• defamation (e.g., slander or libel) – not applicable unless the injured party is clearly identifiable and suffers a loss.
• fee collection – there are no fees here
• violation of civil rights – race/creed/color/religion can’t be distinguished over the Internet
• loss of child custody or visitation – postings here highly unlikely to be admissible evidence
• failure to supervise properly – no one here is in a supervisory position
• improper death of patient or third party – with general anonymity here there is no way to pin down who is threatened or at risk
• licensing or peer review issues – no one here is licensed, or peer reviewed. No one here holds out having professional status here
• breach of contract – there are no contracts here whatsoever, breach of contract is not possible.

OK, there you have it. Welcome to the jungle! Some great information here, including some outstanding first person accounts. Do not however assume that everything here is factually correct, well informed, balanced, or even well intentioned.

If you have any question on your ability to reasonably filter the postings here (for instance if you are highly suggestible, overly emotionally reactive, unable to discern the quality of the information presented, operating in a substantially weakened or vulnerable emotional state, on medications or drugs that can cloud your judgment, etc.) you are better off not participating here on this forum, and only seeking competent professional level advise and counsel at your local level.

LifeSong wrote:There are, and have been, professional counselors on the board. To my knowledge, all are/were here for their own personal reasons, and are not here to practice or provide professional services. In fact, if they were offering professional services on the board, without disclosing themselves and taking other steps, it could be a violation of licensure. No professional wishes to jeopardize his/her license.

This really isn't a forum conducive to offering professional psychological or therapy services anyway. It's for this reason that, in spite of the fact that there are some professionals here, the board states that there are not... which really is the truth in that the few professionals who have been/are now here are not here for professional reasons and do not engage in therapy on the board.

More notes.

Imagine how frequently a school teacher volunteers to spend a Saturday teaching immigrants how to read for free; a policeman working a day for free, for the good of ridding some inner city community area of crime; a doctor working in a clinic for no compensation whatsoever, so poor people can have adequate health care? It does happen, however its pretty rare. I'd say there would be 1,000 billed hours to every volunteer hour, for most professionals, on average for a year. Same thing here, professional psychotherapists put in long hours on education, training, experience, etc. Once they start practicing there is an immediate overflow of work and and many times an underflow of compensation for it all. Expecting professional therapists to come here to this forum and attend to everyone's real and perceived needs, and to supply an endless amount of personal professional service for no compensation is at best highly unrealistic. Professionals that occasionally frequent these forums are either altruistic (as the above examples illustrate) or are here learning themselves, exploring, or seeking their own support in some other ways. You can't expect them to be in professional mode here. This is only an Internet support forum.

That being said, if everyone were to contribute one real "jewel" here (as so many before have done) there would be quite the treasure box resource here to help move things forward.