HPD vs BPD

Hmmm. I've got a couple thoughts on this, because sometimes I feel like my patterns defy what is "commonly" understood.


I have never been a stripper, nor an exotic dancer, but I'm sure if I really wanted to, I could pull it off. I guess I have enough attention in my life that I don't have to go to those lengths (thank you, BPD, for keeping me more restrained than that).

Then, I also do not have the self-harm (other than picking my fingernail beds) of the most common cases of BPD, but yet I do have a ton of emotional turbulence that I've learned to work with. I don't seem to fall into the deepest pits of despair with depression (thank you, HPD), so I am VERY grateful for that.


What I do find, in being this lovely hybrid that I do quite feel that I've learned to work with, is that one has helped me neutralize and work with the symptoms of the other. It kind of actually has helped me in the "grounding" process, and DBT has increased my self-awareness to a level that I repeatedly use my skills to overcome difficult emotional turmoil.


So, hand in hand, it ain't so bad.



AMP

Thanks for your input, MissAli.
Your point that there are many variations to 'the mean' upon which PD archetypes are described is well taken...and, the more recovering the person is, their individuality becomes even clearer

This is very true, orion. Sometimes, honestly, although I am considered "recovered" for the most part from BPD, I feel as if my impulsivities are more on the HPD side of things.


I think I've begged, borrowed, and stolen from my two sides of myself to get me through tough times. I do not necessarily think that is such a bad thing.


AMP

When I first had the epiphany that the problem was her and not me, it was this article that struck home: http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relation ... olves.html
But does it sound more like HPD?

Mudd wrote:When I first had the epiphany that the problem was her and not me, it was this article that struck home: http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relation ... olves.html
But does it sound more like HPD?

Talking HPD women and BPD women...IMO
Many HPDs have similar overlaps with BPD's:
-HPDs are also looking for a hero and savior (often casting you using in white knight or prince imagery)
-HPDs can also act like they are vulnerable, and often seem much younger than they are.
-HPDs can also turn into haters, splitting you, in which you go from white knight and savior to a betraying dark pariah.
-Many HPD's also have periodic windows of both dissociation and empathy, although as a general rule BPD's dissociate more intensely than HPDs and maybe because BPD's are afraid of abandonment, they seem more empathetic than HPD's.

Possible differences:
-HPD's are often very attractive; therefore they exude more social power and confidence than BPD's.
-A significant percentage of HPDs experience sexual satisfaction problems, and despite their seductive behavior they have little interest in sex; BPDs more readily become addicted to sex (or drugs, alcohol, etc,), perhaps as a way to ameliorate the BPD aversive tension they live with.
-BPD's are more paranoid when it comes to others; HPDs gullibly, even carelessly approach others (incl. AsPDs or other exploitative people ) in search of supply: attention and validation.
-From her side, the HPD relationship has a lighter, more carefree feel; you don't feel so that one-on-one intensity as in a BPD relationship.
-HPD is more organized, to the extent that besides a main boyfriend, many run a fan club with other guys that they are flirting with..."emotional cheating"... or in some limited cases, also having intimate affairs with. The main b/f and the members of the fan club are usually kept seperate by the HPD, and thus there is often a secretive air about all these goings on.
-In some HPD's the splitting also causes them to run two types of male relationships, either one right after the other, or in some cases at the same time, with these male types:
(a) older guys who are like father figures to the HPD
(b) younger 'bad boys,' who are often NPD or AsPD. or who have at least those some of those traits.

Obviously no two BPDs or HPDs will exactly fit this pattern, but you get the idea.

I don't know as much about BPDs, but I get the impression that maybe because they are so afraid of abandonment and under so much more stress/depression, etc., that they more readily go into therapy: Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, seemingly much more often than HPDs go into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In general anti-depressants also have more of a beneficial effect with BPD. There seems to be a lot of good data that BPD's are the most successful recovering Cluster B PD. There is even a Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month (April? May?).

Maybe because many HPDs are attractive, more organized, occupationally successful and in generally more accepted in the Non world in comparison with BPDs (sometimes even admired), HPD's seem to often perceive a lesser need to go into therapy, until a break-up occurs. Then you can see windows of empathy and more openness.

In either case a successful relationship with either a BPD or HPD is a longer shot - especially with an HPD - IMO self-awareness of her (and yourself) being the bare-minimum starting point, recovery even better.

MissAli wrote:I have never been a stripper, nor an exotic dancer, but I'm sure if I really wanted to, I could pull it off. I guess I have enough attention in my life that I don't have to go to those lengths (thank you, BPD, for keeping me more restrained than that).

I tried it. I could "pull it off",(well the dancing part anyway.) but the girls who were very HPD-like did best, its not really about dancing, its about socializing. As soon as I discovered that I just found it very tiring so I didn't last very long.

MissAli wrote:Then, I also do not have the self-harm (other than picking my fingernail beds)

You might need to eat more vegetables or something. something my mum mentioned once if your cuticles peel you're short on vitamins.

You know, Kat, I've heard that before. The problem is, I assault my fingernail beds, the fingernails themselves, and a hangnail NEVER has a chance with me... but if you find out what vitamins are missing for cuticles and nail beds, can you let me know??? I've been trying to find out for at least a year and a half.


<3


AMP

Oh ok, will do, lol. I just mentioned it as i noticed the skin on my cuticles has been peeling too, though I hear cold weather can also do that and the weather here has recently suddenly turned, which seems the most likely explanation here. Vitamins? Because of how they balance each other out it could be slightly different for each person.

Randomnosity wrote:They may overlap in many cases. It is not as common for an HPD to have only HPD as a personality disorder as many people think.

There's usually an overlap with BPD and/or NPD as well.

Well, then that makes sense. The attention thing was there, but also the abandonment issue. The one on one intensity was there, but there was also sexual satisfaction on her part - though I am perfectly willing to accept that it was all an act. She was physically attractive, but also paranoid/EXTREMELY jealous of others. there was a lack of empathy - and very heavy idealization, of myself and others. I didn't care for the unrealistic idealization of myself - and when she would talk glowingly of others I would feel jealous.
In the long run i couldn't stand being around her more than a couple days a week, but would talk to her every night. she would tell me extremely boring stories about her job as a maid - in "real time" including every detail like "we got to the job and rang the doorbell and a dog started barking. The lady answered the door and she has a son in the army. my partner went upstairs to clean the bathroom and i began to vacuum the living room..." and on and on and on, till I eventually had to say, "honey can you get to the point of what you wanted to tell me? I like hearing about your day, but can you edit your stories a little bit? you are including a lot of extraneous information that really isn't relevant" - well, she didn't like that!