Hi Xod -
First off, I gotta say that you write very eloquently. You're definitely not alone with thinking this way and having a perpetual negative outlook on things. I mean, there's a lot of evidence all around us that would prompt that mindset. Some people experience very little positive events in their lives, we look around and see other's suffering as well, it's hard to believe in a positivity, and sometimes it can seem as though optimism is wishful thinking and delusional. I hope I'm not putting your words in your mouth, this is just my personal response.
I can't say that I've experienced too many positive events in my life. I think back and I've experienced a lot of pain and rejection - a lot of anxiety and depression as well. And when I look into the future, I see the same, as it doesn't seem as though I'm heading in the right direction. And I can become cynical at times. The only happiness and pure positivity that I have ever experienced would be in childhood. The innocence of childhood seems very pure and genuine, in my experience. A lot of people had traumatizing childhoods, which always makes me sad, because I think innocent childhood is the closest we will ever get to true nirvana. (I use that term very loosely here, not related to religion).
I'm gonna assume that you've had a lot of negative events in your life? Or perhaps something that produced apathy? That's usually the reason people become cynical and defeatist, whatever adjective you want to use. I'm often negative, defeatist, and I'm probably prone to many instances of self-fulfilling prophecies, I'm sure of it. My negative thinking and beliefs surely do affect the outcome of what happens, or what doesn't happen, in my life. Despite that, there are times when I can feel joy and happiness and optimism. They come in very simple events, very simple feelings. They are few and far between, but they are there, and they remind me deeply of the innocence of childhood.
Sorry if I rambled for a bit, those are thoughts that I had in response to your post.
Save the Cheetah.
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
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