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why cant i stop??

Gambling Addiction message board, open discussion, and online support group.

why cant i stop??

Postby estrangedgamblor » Thu Jan 05, 2012 9:37 am

Well i have struggled with gambling for about 12 years now.
dont even know where to start or what to say....

Started out with slots 12 years ago,, it got worse and worse and worse.
used to be couple hundred off paychecks, then whole paychecks
then borrowing money to gamble
likely down somewhere around 35 to 40,000 dollars since then.

I won a couple times ,,, 1000 here, couple hundred there, maybe another 1000 over there
put it all back and then more. you know how it goes the win sucks you in
then won 10,000 last year online slots...paid some debt off and oh boy that suckered me in big time
well now i got a visa maxed out at 10,000 and a mastercard at 6000 with 20% interest. lol
all on gambling,,, never mind the money off pay cheques ..

even when i win i never cash out and stop,, even when big amounts like 5000 or 8000
i just up my bets and lose it all
like i always do... greedy want more i guess,,,
Not even all that crazy about money,, like when i have it, i gamble
when i dont have it i still gamble ... what the heck??

sometimes i think i am addicted to the losing not the winning...

i have a kid coming in one month. i have been laid off work,
i have ruined my life and hurt those around me and now my unborn child and my wife will have to
suffer too. I AM THE BIGGEST LOSER.. there is no way back...
i feel suicide the best, although i dont even have life insurance.
I always say i will stop... never do..
i dont get it.,. i dont understand it.. i want to stop... i really do... why cant i
im not stupid,, i used to shake my head at people like me wasting there money.,,
WHY CANT I STOP. I am so weak of a person i guess..
I HAVE TO JUST STOP no one will or can make me stop but me... I understand this.. but i just cant freaking stop!!! it just dont make sense..
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby Barney » Thu Jan 05, 2012 1:10 pm

You're not alone Estrangedgamblor,

I fully understand the predicament you're in... The scary thing is, we gamble because we think that we’re capable of making money. I always tell myself "I just need to know when to cash out." I trick myself into thinking that its poor timing that makes me lose. I understand that an addicted gambler will always play to lose. It's not the money we're trying to get our hands on, it's the feeling that gambling gives us that we crave. I've found that I can dislike any game or sport, but the moment that there's gambling on the line, my mind is fully focused and interested. It's the risk we thrive on! That is why betting always gets increased cause it’s a higher risk with a potential higher reward. We just want to play for risk...
Today alone, I bought in and played online. I made a substantial amount of small bets and eventually had increased my buy in by five fold... Next thing you know I'm betting higher and higher until I've lost it all. I bought in four more times and continued betting the high value. My last buy in was bet in one hand... Once I start betting high, I just can’t bet small again. It’s the fact that the money runs out that makes me stop gambling. I feel ill knowing that I can't break the cycle. I want to make money to get out of debt, but at the moment I have any cash in hand, I'm gambling it. It's frustrating!
I'm trying my best to get through this, I have 'sober' moments where I'll do absolutely anything to try and get myself to stop. I'll pay off a huge amount of my debt then call in my credit card lost so they cancel the card... But the moment I get my hands on the new card, the cycle begins again and my debt is right back where it was... I don't know how to cope, but talking about it really helps me out...

I hope I have shed some light in the darkness for you, at least you know you’re not alone.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby rnegoro » Tue Apr 10, 2012 6:48 am

It is during the weakest moment in your life that you are most likely to be scammed.

Part of your addiction is because you are not admitting your mistake, not accepting your loss, you want to redeem yourself, you can win it all back. Yet if you understand the science of numbers, you will realize that you are being scammed for every dollar you put in.

I recommend you to start learning statistics, learn that you can expect nothing in the long run from gambling. You shouldnt be ashamed of yourself from admitting your mistake and changing your ways, instead you should be proud. We can never know the strength of a person until he has been tested.
If you commit suicide, your son would never be proud of you and you are leaving a legacy of escapism.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby EFHARISTO » Sun Apr 15, 2012 5:08 am

My story is similar to yours. Only I have spent much longer and much more money before I finally admitted to MYSELF that I am addicted to gambling and I NEED to do something about it.
Since I was 16 I have been betting, I cant exactly remember exactly when it all started or how, but what I know is that it escalated to the point that 37 years later and maybe 700.000 dollars in losses, not to mention the loss of quality of life, loss of reputation, loss of opportunities in business, but most importantly the break up of my family .
I took the first step in admitting to myself that I have a problem. It seems that you , by posting here, are trying to come to terms with your addiction. the important start.
The second step I took is to self exclude myself from all online gambling sites. That was so much easier to do once I took the first step.
Now I try to see what life can be without gambling. I joined a gym and I exercise daily so that I can have a diversion . I have lost weight and I feel fitter. I am feeling better about myself already. I Everyday is not easy to get through but each day is getting easier.
The reasons for my gambling I don't know and I don't really want to know. All I know is that I want to stop. I had enough of chasing my losses. I had enough of lying to myself and to others as to why I am in financial trouble always. I had enough of missing out on buying things for myself and my kids because I am always thinking that whatever little money I have will need to go on gambling in case I miss out on the next winner. Does this sound familiar to you? Then do something . Think of what you can buy your kid , of the places you can take him/her to visit, the things you can do to have fun with your family. Then think of what you can lose by carrying on gambling .It is not rocket science.
I have had big wins, 35000 in one bet, 20000 in one week, 18000 in another long odds bet, but each time I had the big wins i sank into a vicious circle of upping my stakes to win bigger . CHANCE TO WIN BACK ALL I LOST....CHANCE TO BECOME THE SUCCESSFUL GAMBLER I CONVINCED MYSELF I WAS....THE ADRENALIN KICK NEEDS BIGGER STAKES TO BE ACHIEVED...IT IS AN ADDICTION.
No different to a drug addiction or any other addiction. Unless you do something about it , it will lead you to destruction , and a pathetic way of living.
Suicide is not the answer. It maybe the easy way out but it is not the answer. The answer lies in your heart and your willingness to stop. Throw those credit cards away, change your routine so that you dont go past places where gambling takes place. If you are betting online , self exclude yourself from
the sites. Treat yourself to something nice so taht at least you can see what you can gain by stopping gambling. Teach yourself that there is a life that can be enjoyed without gambling.
Thats my advice. I am not great at saying things and I am not an expert in helping people but helping myself has enabled me to share this post with you and hopefully you can at least TRY to stop and maybe help others in the same situation as you.
Keep in touch
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby JimmySnyder » Sun Apr 15, 2012 5:47 pm

I think it takes courage not to gamble. I try to remember this. I play no-limit poker. It takes courage to stop.

I've lost quite a bit in my time. I have tried gambling in the morning. I have tried gambling at night. I have tried gambling on Mondays. I have tried gambling on weekends. I have tried gambling in Indian casinos. I have tried gambling in non-Indian casinos. I have tried gambling against people I know, as well as strangers. I have tried gambling low stakes, and high stakes. I have tried gambling for two days straight, and I've tried it 4 hours at a time with breaks. I've tried various "lucky" habits - like smoking a cigarette before hitting the table, or sitting in a particular seat, or tipping the runner.

Me specifically, I have fallen into this pattern of winning big on day one, and then returning to the casino for a second day and losing twice the amount. Almost like a system, its unbelievable. I called my bank last week to double my cash advance limit. They said okay, they saw some previous charges on my account and said, "Good luck at the casino!" F*ck me, my bank knows more than my girlfriend.

What I can tell you is this. I wrote something on a piece of paper last year and forgot about it. I was playing the 100 table at the time, and it was a message to myself that said, "Make 500 and leave." One year later, I unearth the note, and I am playing the 1500 table. And losing money hand over fist. In other words, a year ago I started to "control" my gambling and as a result it has spiraled out of control. I'm telling you, it takes courage to cut your losses and stop gambling. To quote from another recovery program - this is pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. I have quit drinking and smoking - but I can't quit gambling.

I'm writing this today because I went to the casino and won big last night and I can't stop thinking about going back. Still - last night, I folded a hand prematurely that could have netted me $5,000 and I cannot stop thinking about it. It was a proper fold - but it was also the perfect card that landed on the river. I got up and stormed out, knowing that I had missed my golden opportunity.

I am trying to pay off my debt - thereby draining my cash account - but my brain is constantly trying to set aside some money and time to go back. If and when I pay off my debt, chances are very high I'm just going to pull out another huge cash advance and do it all over again. Anyway, we live in a society where people take these kind of chances all the time. Look at the huge surge in poker this past decade. You sit at a table with 8 other people who are there to f*cking taking all your money. All I can say is if you are going to gamble with your life savings you better be very careful. If you're at a table and nobody is the mark, then you're the mark.

To the original poster, you probably have a lot to live for. Don't kill yourself over money. You can make up for your losses by going to your job. I heard this gambler say once, lots of cities have many stories, but Vegas only has one story. "I was up big and then I lost it all."

I like the money gambling sometimes give me, but I have to say, it makes me a miserable and lonely person even on a good day and I don't know how to control that. Gambling is a tax on the poor and stupid. That is why the governments are legalizing it - because it is profitable. I played $50 on Mega Millions. I should have played $1. The odds are higher (according to CNN) that I will be eaten alive by flesh-eating bacteria. But since I'm a gambler, I play $50 and start dreaming about what I'll do with the winnings.

Anyway, this was a rant. But it feels good writing it out. Barney good to see you still here.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby karwas » Tue May 28, 2013 5:56 pm

I have the EXACT same issue!

I used to look at others and nod and think why would u do such a stupid thing.
I gamble daily. We are talking about atleast $200-700 a day.
I do not work, I borrow money and this is ruining my family life
I am married and have a baby girl.

Everytime i gamble i regret it so bad, I think about what i could have bought for my princess.

I hate myself for it aswell. I tried many many times to quit but all i think about is gambling, All day i think about the roulette wheel, greyhound racing, horse racing. I just CANT STOP!

But coming to this forum gives me new hope. I will try my utmost best to stop gambling as of now (29/05/2013) I will come back every fortnight to this forum and see how other people are doing.

I hate such a disease. The government should be locked up for allowing such a filthy way of life.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby Badway1 » Fri Aug 16, 2013 8:55 pm

Its 10 o clock on a friday evening.

I have just made a phone call to a mate to pay back another mate money, due to me losing all my wages which i only recieved about 4 hours ago. I have a pain in my head with worry, sickness, sadness. im ashamed. Gambling is absolutely destroying my life, but i cant stop. I posted something up on this site a few months ago to try and talk about things but nothing has changed since. I think about gambling every day, every night before i go to sleep and every morning when i get up. This evil pastime has complete control of me and i dont know what to do. I have gone to councilors etc,, but nothing has worked. My parents think i have kicked it but really i am very good at hiding it from them. Really there is a constant dark cloud over my head because of gambling. I am nearly a qualified teacher, i have a beautiful girlfriend and lots of friends. Nobody knows the extent of the $#%^ i am in right now. Every single day i worry about where i will get the next few quid, when will i get the chance to gamble again. I think to myself, ahhh ill stop when i start working properly in a teaching job, but will i,,doubtful. i dont see any light at the end of the tunnel. All i see is gambling. Sometimes i think that i would be better off dead,,, that way i wouldnt be feeling this anymore and nobody would suffer.. I used to laugh at the term gambling addiction.. but now im so far up to my neck in it, i dont see a way out. Jesus christ, i want to stop gambling so bad,, I believe my life would be so so much better without it. Help me. Someone please help me.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby End of Rope » Mon Aug 19, 2013 9:58 pm

I too have beat myself to death gambling. I have made it a week. We all think we can't stop. I remember walking out of the casino time after time feeling like I was dead. I have lost so much. I am in financial trouble. I live in a world of regrets. But I'm tired of letting the casino beat me anymore. I am reclaiming my life. I am tired of being a walking dead person? I am tired of paying money to feel like absolute crap. I am going to fight for me. I've made it one stinking week. And I have to make it through today. That's it. I think part of the gambling crap is that we have allowed our Soul to die. I have quit before many times. Is this time different? I think so, and the reason is that I absolutely cannot live my life dead anymore. I either die or try to find out how to live life.
End of Rope
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby blue_green_lake » Tue Aug 20, 2013 3:53 am

End of Rope wrote:I have made it a week.

Congrats, End of Rope! The first week is very hard. I wish you the best and know that you can reclaim your life!
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby mileslee66 » Sun Dec 15, 2013 7:03 am

I JUST return from playing jackpot as usual loss nearly all my cash for my family expenses and after this post I am quiting from all jackpot activities... this is the first time I post online about my gambling habits...
I have no choice cause I can't afford to lose anymore as my life is in deep shot now
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