Gambling addict since 2002

I had been sober since 2011 and this November I made a $327 deposit at an offshore sportsbook.

In the past I have suffered from extreme anxiety and insomnia while gambling and I knew it was a dead end but I did it anyway.

I have a wife and 4 kids so money is not for gambling.

I turned it into a profit then withdrew $790 and had a $500 balance. I then lost that $500 then made another deposit of $327.

I turned that into a bigger profit and right now am up $926 in withdrawals plus I have a balance of $790 at book.

I lost $354 today playing poker and blackjack.

I know numbers don't matter, its the addiction that counts but I need someone to tell me to withdraw that last $790 and use it for Christmas instead of gambling it away.

It is dirty money from a sleezy sportsbook but they pay same day so I could have that money in hand by Moneygram.

I fear that I will make a new deposit.

This has gripped my life since I began online casinos in 2002.

Believe it or not I have made more money than I lost but I fear myself as I have access to thousands of dollars and I could lose it all and then have to face my wife and kids.

First of all, you need to be honest. In one instance you're saying you're ahead as a gambler but then you say you'll lose it all. If you were really ahead then why would you think you're going to lose it all?

You are in an anonymous online forum, if you can't be honest here then you are in big trouble. I am an extremely competitive person and it really sucks to have to admit this but I am a massive loser when it comes to gambling. I am also lucky enough to be able to say that I've been off the bet for over a year now and am no longer behaving like a loser.

Secondly, as far as being a little ahead recently, you have two choices. Choice number one is to withdraw every last dollar and immediately spend it on your wife and kids for Christmas. If you make this choice you can, at the very least, know that you didn't have to hit rock bottom before you quit.

Choice number two is to keep going for the "big win" and lose it all. If you choose option two you can sit with your family on Christmas morning and feel awful because every gift they open will remind you of the better one you could have bought if you didn't screw up so bad.

Don't be selfish. Do the right thing! You're playing with fire.

If you keep playing, you will lose. That is just the way gambling works.

I agree, take out the money and use it for gifts. How will you feel if you lose it, then don't have money to buy your kids presents? Many times I've wasted money gambling, then I start to think what I could have done with the money. If only I hadn't lost that $100, I could have bought some new clothes. If only I hadn't wasted $50 in lotto scratchers I could have gone out to dinner and a movie. If only I hadn't lost $200 at the casino I could have paid that doctor bill.

Lots of If Only....

Are you able to ban yourself from all the online sites you use? Can you turn off the internet in your home if it isn't needed so that isn't an option? Or can you have a family member password protect your computers so you can't get on them?

There are options, and you can choose them.

Today I received $790.00 by Moneygram leaving me with a zero balance at the sportsbook.

I feel empty today like I lost something. This is a horrible addiction.

I wish I had someone to talk to about this other than a cold person on an 800 line.