I am living as a 'significant other' to someone who has bipolar (my husband). Much of the time, though I feel very insignificant.
He was diagnosed years ago with rapid cycling depression but now, after having done lots of research and talked to a few people, I realise he must have bp. He admits it himself but has yet to do anything about it. He says he has seen psychs before who were no help. (he lied to them, telling them he was much better than he actually was - one of the psychs actually told him, he should come to work for them (he is very smart and lies very well about himself) This doc should be sued!
He is currently on the 'run' again, as he has done so many times in the past (about 50 times) He started a huge fight over nothing, absolutely nothing (I bought too many groceries according to him) he threatened me and our children and he refused to go, so I ordered him out of the house. He was dangerous, I was scared. His eyes had evil in them. He left quietly, seemingly uninterested and triumphant that he thought he was in the right (even though he knows what he did was shameful and wrong).
Now, days later, he talks of killing himself, he is ashamed, remorseful, admits how ill he is, says he doesn't want to take the drugs, and that he has coped so far, and that he will continue on his own, without me, that I don't care, etc. He's sleeping rough and/or with acquaintances. He doesn't work. He depends on me financially. Basically again, he is only thinking of himself - my feelings about our marriage and the years we have spent together, seem to mean nothing to him - that he can just walk out into the sunset.
My brain tells me to just get rid of him forever. He has brought so much pain to my home. But as many of you will no doubt agree, our bp spouses are loveable at least 1/2 the time, very lovable.
Below are some of the things he does - and has done - are these indicative of bipolar? Do you experience these things from your SO? Are they surmountable or should I just throw in the towel?
- used alcohol excessively up to 6 hrs per day every day - went to the bar at opening time, didn't come home till 4.00 in the afternoon - never seemed to appear 'drunk'. (he has now stopped this)
- eating sweets all the time?
- not eating at all
- going to bed at 5.30pm saying he's tired
- getting up at 3.00am
- not sleeping all night, laying awake.
- walking for hours and hours, disappearing, (no clue what he does or where he goes)
- eyes change during bout of madness - uncaring, cold, steely - scary!
- argues constantly, must have last word, talks over me
- picks fights at drop of a hat, has grabbed my arm at times, hurting me.
- verbally abusive, slinging horrible insults and questioning my abilities as a mother
- personal insults of every variation
- hurls things across the room
- OCD type behaviour (cleaning cleaning cleaning)
- never admits he is wrong, always my fault
- life of the party when he is putting on his 'face' to others
- hates being in the company of my friends/family
- no self esteem/confidence
- depression runs in the family
- his family are in denial (they blame me) They also drink and are depressed.
- no real friends, just acquaintances
- no hobbies
- does not want to spend time as a family together/wants to stay home
- has to be in utter and complete control
- has no regard for my feelings - is never there for ME when things go wrong in my life
(tells me to pull myself together)
- won't talk on the phone after an argument - he just disappears and sends insulting
texts full of threats he is leaving, etc. (always comes back)
and so much more.
Every two weeks like clockwork, he goes into an 'episode', he creates a fight, storms out or I throw him out. His words cut through me like a knife, he hurls anything and everything he can to make himself appear right. He has triggers, I know what they are, but he doesn't seem to. Maybe he does though, and he just can't control himself.
I know I am not alone, I just would be very appreciative of some advice. He's not getting better. When he was younger, he could cope better, but as he gets older, he is more prone to his moods. He can't cover them up anymore. I can't deal with much more and am seriously thinking of filing for divorce to protect my family. I can't make him get help and i don't trust him to get it without me. I can't go in the doctors office with him, so I can't ever be sure that he is doing something for real in terms of seeking help. I don't trust him. I desperately want to help him and to save our marriage, but it seems i can't do right for doing wrong.
thanks for reading.