Getting the Diagnosis

We have not been diagnosed with DID officially, not yet at least. Mostly that is because I am the only one who talks to psychiatrists, so we only get the diagnosis 'Asperger Syndrome'. We do have conversations with a psychologist, at least I do, and she now knows about my nightmares, hallucinations and my memory problems. She has said that DID is a possibility, but an unlikely one (since she as never met another one of the alters). But I want her to help me, I want her to see that it is not just Asperger Syndrome. But I don't know what to do now...

Should I keep pretending like I'm jeff and make sure we don't get the diagnosis? or should I keep calling symptomes and keep acting like I don't know what is going on inside my head and that I don't know the alters? I can make Amber write her an e-mail, with any of the other alters the difference in the choice of words is not big enough to be seen. but amber's a mute so I can't get her to talk with our psychologist, unless I'd make her write down everything.

I am the only one who is able of talking with psychologists, doctors, etc. so just having a switch with an alter won't work. I can be co-conscious with Amber at those moments, but only with Amber.

Does anyone have any tips?

I had this concern too. Everyone else was too scared/untrusting/variety of other emotions to talk to our T. However, after talking to the T consistently for a few months she said that she believed without a doubt that I have DID because of the random changes in body language and other things even if my others never chose to talk to her. So, a good T will be watching your body language. Similarly, although it took nearly 9 months, eventually one of my alters purposefully came out and spoke to her. Prior to that, sometimes triggering talk would induce a small switch but no one would ever talk to her. Give yourself, your others and your T time if you feel that this T is a good fit for you. If not, ask for a recommendation or research Ts in your area until you find something that you feel good about. Good luck.

I'd bring any type of "proof" you have with you, and just be as relaxed and sh*t as you possibly can. Let anything show- tics, symptoms, tiny switches, etc. Think like you're at home alone or something- try to get yourself in that type of mindset. And bring any handwriting sh*t, any drawings, anything that shows differences and sh*t like that- it really does help. (Well, it helps the doctors willing to be helped and sh*t like that. Our 2nd therapist was most grateful for it). I never have much worry because the last doctor that said he thought we were fake, I pushed my way "out" and f*#king ripped him a new one (verbally, though I wouldn't have minded physically pummeling him). He still put down "possible DID", so you just can't win with some of them. Don't let those types get you down, though. But yeah, anyway, you could always let a protector come bursting out if anyone tries to say you don't have any alters (even if they're hesitant about DDNOS/DID specifically, they at least have to f*#king acknowledge your personalities). And show EVERYTHING you can. All the little paper tests and sh*t? Show every mood change, every voice in the head thing that they have. If you hold anything back- as you've seen before by getting only the Asperger's diagnosis, they won't always see it and they won't know to consider it for your diagnosis.

If it's an evaluation- lay out all the cards you can, bring all the sh*t you can, do anything you can to show all that's going on inside.
If it's an evaluation within therapy, like you're going to be working with this person and they're not just evaluating you or anything similar to that, LittleRedDogToo has some solid advice. Just give it some time. A good T will notice the small things people with DID don't notice or can't control all the time, and eventually you'll get comfortable enough around her to start showing more sh*t without realizing it. If they're doing their job right and looking for this type of sh*t, they'll know you have DDNOS/DID without you having to shove everything you possibly can forward in order to possibly have it seen.

-KAT

I guess it's my soft nature, but my psychologist is very kind to me so I'm afraid of switching to a protector around her, I don't want to hurt her, not even by just words. And I also don't know how she'd react if I'd let Amber talk to her (rather write answers to her questions, since Amber's a mute)

If you don't want to "throw" a protector at her, and if she is indeed kind and a good T, I see no problem testing the waters with Amber. She's of significant difference, which would help her see the seriousness of it, and Amber's not likely to scare or startle her or anything. That's our other way of "proving" ourselves if I don't come bursting out- having Cassie, our little 8 yr old, out. Her voice is higher-pitched, she stands (and sometimes walks) rather pigeon-toed, she's not scary or threatening, she's a good "proof" switch because of how different she is, from how she talks to how she acts, and because of how, safe, she is, I guess, is how I'd word it. I mean, she's 8, you know? How can you react badly to an 8 yr old, especially if your a good therapist? I think seeing how your T reacts to Amber would be a good way to make sure this therapist is a good fit for you, but that doesn't mean you have to rush into a full switch or anything. Just sorta...relax, and if Amber finds her way out, then don't worry about it. Give it a mixture of some time and Amber, if your T is a good T, you shouldn't have any problems. I wouldn't worry about how your T would react- unless you're worried about a bad reaction. But if that's the case, I'd say it's better to find out sooner rather than later that this T isn't a good fit for you, you know? Your T is there to help YOU, don't worry about protecting her so much, she's a big girl and she knows what line of work she's in.

-KAT

Try writing out a timeline of your life. That helped my T a lot (and also helped me to realize just how much of my life I don't remember). I typed mine out so I can go back and edit it as necessary. I also made a "bio" sheet for everyone which is great for the T to be able to reference. You have an artistic alter if I recall, right? Could she draw everyone out for you?

LittleRedDogToo wrote:You have an artistic alter if I recall, right? Could she draw everyone out for you?

I am, but manga-style, not realistic style

Doesn't have to be realistic. We drew ours all cartoon-like.

LittleRedDogToo wrote:However, after talking to the T consistently for a few months she said that she believed without a doubt that I have DID because of the random changes in body language and other things even if my others never chose to talk to her. So, a good T will be watching your body language.

tomboy24 wrote:If it's an evaluation within therapy, like you're going to be working with this person and they're not just evaluating you or anything similar to that, LittleRedDogToo has some solid advice. Just give it some time. A good T will notice the small things people with DID don't notice or can't control all the time, and eventually you'll get comfortable enough around her to start showing more sh*t without realizing it. If they're doing their job right and looking for this type of sh*t, they'll know you have DDNOS/DID without you having to shove everything you possibly can forward in order to possibly have it seen.

Could you give few, more specific examples of these signs?

DDNOS would be a good diagnosis for me, although I'm unsure if I will try to get that. Anyway, I would be interested of knowing what the behavioral changes usually are about and how they manifest? Spontaneously thinking I couldn't think of how a person's personality could change so drastically that it would look like an alter.

On the other hand I would think that nobody would ever notice any changes in my behavior/mood because it already changes too drastically most of the time. It's a too natural part of me.

I also cannot really understand what it means when you communicate by using different alters. To "switch" in an alter to do this feels like acting. I would understand how it worked if there was barely no co-consciousness, but if co-consciousness exists, isn't it simply acting? I wonder what part of that so-called "switch" I cannot understand.

ChristaAngel wrote:Could you give few, more specific examples of these signs?

This is slightly off-topic to this thread, but sure.

Signs can include anything from facial expressions, fidgeting (some alters fidget, others do not), changes in voices, changes in posture, changes in body language in general, changes in how one speaks (vocabulary, swearing, sh*t like that), changes in how one behaves (shy alters, bold alters, etc.), changes in the eyes (an "angry" alter like me is usually going to have a "f*#k off" glare, whereas a young alter like Cassie, is going to have a wide-eyed, innocent stare, and an apathetic teen alter like Luna will have an uncaring, emotionless stare), changes in triggers (some alters react to things/words/actions differently than other alters will), changes in interests, changes in likes/dislikes (you know, like if you're talking one day about how you hate classical music, then the next day you're ranting about how you love it), changes in memory (one day, you might have no clue about something, then the next you seem to remember every detail- that can be an alter switch), etc. Basically, imagine the small differences between you and other people in the "real world", and the sh*t that you notice that's different will be similar to the sh*t a T will notice if they're good and looking for it.

ChristaAngel wrote:DDNOS would be a good diagnosis for me, although I'm unsure if I will try to get that. Anyway, I would be interested of knowing what the behavioral changes usually are about and how they manifest? Spontaneously thinking I couldn't think of how a person's personality could change so drastically that it would look like an alter.

You shouldn't have to "try" to get any diagnosis. Unless your system is like Datenshi's in which everything that could earn you a diagnosis gets blocked (usually as a defensive or fear response), then there should be no "trying". Cassandra sure as h3ll didn't "try" to get me to rip her psychiatrist/psychologist a new one, and she sure wasn't expecting it, either. If you look for a diagnosis through therapy instead of a one-time evaluation, then just give it time. The truth always comes out eventually.

Behavioural changes happen/manifest because alters usually have different purposes, thus different behaviours to help them fill those purposes. I'm a protector. My behaviour is very different from Cassandra's, Rain's, Cassie's, etc. I'm often angry or easy to anger, I have no tolerance for people I don't like or for those who wrong me, I hold grudges and am not the most forgiving, I'm bold, I'm blunt, I won't let people walk all over me (or anyone else in this system), I can be violent, I have no quarrels about hurting people I think deserve it, I'm not the most trusting, I hate the thought of being dependent on other people, etc. This all came from the fact that I was the protector of Cassandra and others from our abuser. I couldn't be meek like Cassandra is- that wouldn't have protected us. I couldn't let our abuser walk all over us- that wouldn't have helped us to survive. I couldn't let our abuser see me as weak, easily controlled, or anything like that- that wouldn't have protected us, and it wouldn't have helped us to survive. My behaviour was molded to help us survive by being a fighter, by having the ability to express my extreme rage since Cassandra couldn't express her anger (due to fear or some sh*t like that).

Now as a comparison, take a look at my sister, Rain. She is very logical, rather emotionless (she doesn't like to let emotions "cloud her judgement" or whatever), very polite, very understanding, rather forgiving, dislikes violence, trusting of others (compared to me, that is- she isn't stupid), has a sh*t ton of patience and tolerance for people and things, sh*t like that. Her behaviour was molded because her purpose was to protect Cassandra from, actually, me (back when I used to be abusive and go by the name Kataki), to guide her throughout life (think of her like a shoulder angel type of deal. And I was the shoulder devil), to give her advice and comfort, and to think clearly through stressful or emotional situations in order to help Cassandra and others to not make a stupid mistake or act on impulse or something like that. She's more like a caretaker, and her behaviour shows that because that was/is her purpose. I'm more of a fighter, and my behaviour shows that because that was/is my purpose.

Hope that makes sense.

ChristaAngel wrote:On the other hand I would think that nobody would ever notice any changes in my behavior/mood because it already changes too drastically most of the time. It's a too natural part of me.

Overall, this might be true, but you might come to realize that there are some big/noticeable changes that happen that are obvious to a good T who knows what to look for. Or, you could even realize big/noticeable changes start to happen once you get into therapy. If you're really worried about this, just try listing out all you know about yourselves. Likes, dislikes, bring any different handwriting or even posts from here, etc. Even if it's typed out, a good T can notice the changes in sh*t like vocab., sentence structure, etc.

ChristaAngel wrote:I also cannot really understand what it means when you communicate by using different alters. To "switch" in an alter to do this feels like acting. I would understand how it worked if there was barely no co-consciousness, but if co-consciousness exists, isn't it simply acting? I wonder what part of that so-called "switch" I cannot understand.

This really belongs in it's own thread.
But no, if co-consciousness exists, it is NOT simply acting. Say I'm in control with Cassandra. And, let's say that I've got control of the voice/vocal chords. People realize the difference in my constant swearing, my deeper voice, and how I talk compared to Cassandra. However, I might still act like Cassandra- I might stand like her, her shyness might "rub off" on me, I might react to things like she does, etc. And just because I'm there and in control of the talking, that doesn't mean I get to go hog-wild and do whatever I want. Why? Because Cassandra's there. Say that I want to get drunk and have a good time. I can try, but most likely Cassandra's going to stop me, either by not letting me pour another drink, or by forcing me to get plain soda, or by eating something to soak sh*t up, etc. Now, it is possible that I CAN be forceful and drink anyway, but that causes inner conflict that's usually not visible on the outside (like her yelling at me in our head, her fighting against my control like trying to not let her arms do what I'm telling them, etc). Think of it like having two people driving the same car. It might still drive like there's one driver, but that doesn't mean there's only one driver there, and it certainly doesn't mean that one's driving and only "acting" like there's someone else pulling on the wheel.

-KAT