I'm done lying *Possibly Triggering*

*Trigger Warning: confessions concerning lying about DID*

Here goes nothing.

I admit it. I lied.

It was all faked. Everything.

I did it to get attention at first. And to not be responsible for my actions. I did it so that I would have an excuse to use people. I hid behind false personalities and names so that I wouldn't be seen as a horrible, selfish, manipulative person. I made people believe that I was the victim instead of them. I made people believe that I cared about them so that they wouldn't see my true intentions, who I truly was. But it's time to stop lying to everyone and to myself. It's time to stop living these lies.

I convinced myself that this was real, that it was all real, because I didn't want to feel bad about using people. I didn't want to face the fact that I was a horrible person, causing damage to other people and never taking responsibility for my actions. I told myself that I wasn't lying, because it hurt less that way.

In reality, I'm a liar. I'm a manipulator. I'm selfish. I'm irresponsible. I'm attention-seeking. I'm impulsive. And I'm a horrible, horrible person.

But I'm setting out to change that. Starting with coming clean.

I can never say anything or do anything to right the wrongs I've done. And nothing will ever be able to express how much I regret lying to you all. None of you deserved this in the least, and I only hope that you won't let people like me damage you or your progress.

I won't delete my account yet, because I want to give people a chance to respond. I want to give people a chance at expressing any anger, hurt, betrayal, or anything else they might have towards me. I'm not going to run away from the consequences this time. I'm going to stand and face them. So please, don't hold back. I deserve all that I get.

I think that's all I have to say....other than I'm sorry. I won't blame any of you if you don't believe it, but I am.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:25 pm --

Thank you for finally admitting all of this. You've taken a big step forward, now you can start leaving these lies behind. I'll stop getting/hacking onto your account, now.

Ya know, if you were lying that would certainly be a bad thing, but I've been reading your posts and I really don't think you're lying.

You probably won't believe me and that's okay. For whatever it's worth, I've lost count of the number of times I've had this conversation with my SO. I can only imagine what you're going through based on what I've seen from her, but I'll take a few shots in the dark.

You're probably scared. You're under a lot of pressure in your life and you feel like it's too much to take. So you're trying to reason your way out of one of the things that puts the most stress on you, your DID. And ya know what? That's okay. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to not want to have DID. But that doesn't mean that running from your problems will make them go away. I'd also suspect that something triggered you tonight to lead to this, but I can be sure.

I'm not sure what else to say. Just know that it's okay to be scared and, for whatever it's worth, we on this board are here for you in whatever ways we can be.

Hey everyone, it has come to the point where I need to step in. Currently Cassandra is having internal conflicts as was stated above, she is also out of state from me currently. I have communication with Shay right now and as of a few min ago she is alone, there is no one else there. I will do my best but I can only do so much. Anything anyone can do to help me or Cassandra right now is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Mike

Cassandra, Cassie, Shay, Rain - everyone;
Denial is a natural part of DID. One posts a confession, then another writes "good job" back. That is the essence of DID - the dissonance. We are here for you, we believe in you (all of you) and we see the progress you make and the realizations that you have had, but I also know that it hurts. And it's okay to hurt and it's okay to not want to deal with this anymore or to feel, from the bottom of your heart, that this is all a lie. But it'll pass and then you'll see the wonders of having these people inside that you can help to care for and that can show you so much of yourself and your life. We're here for you if there's anything we can do. Feel free to PM me or e-mail/chat (you can get it through PM) (- and that goes for you too Michael)

impulses such as arm twitches, swinging her feet, jerky movements, being very easily distracted from simple tasks

that stuff is

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communicating like this is hard

kjhugfdcvb! kjuytrfdxcv!!

like

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNZVV4Ciccg

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lifelongthing
Blacksunshine827
spartanfur06

I answered your PM Michael.

That is okay Shay. Sometimes communication can be very difficult. I've worked with kids like Carly and it's wonderful when they find what works for them so they can communicate. You've found something that works for you too - you write lyrics and beautiful originals. It's okay to have those impulses, sometimes they're needed. Do you know a way to calm yourself a little bit right now? Stimming (doing the same thing over and over) is pretty common both in younger, scared kids and it people like Carly (or people who have a lesser degree of what she has).. Maybe you know something that might help you feel more safe?

tomboy24 wrote: plastic bottle, and if it is full of cold liquid, she will run her lips up and down the sides of the bottle, even rolling the bottle onto her cheeks at times.

and

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That sounds like things that are good that can help you. Can you try to listen to music or do that with a bottle or sleep or something like that, that will help you feel safer and more calm?

We believe in you here Shay and we want to help you.

I'm thinking of you.

You've got a tough time kiddo.

Personally I don't mind if it was true or not, even if you just feel like hiding behind different personalities you can come to talk to me. I don't mind kiddo, really. After all, didn't all of us hide behind different personalities? for as far as I know we all did that, we all had to hide behind others. Some might just do that one thing on a different way

Good luck kiddo

lifelongthing wrote:do things


do listen to music
do that with a bottle

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sleep soon

-- Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:00 am --

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Datenshi