I can't take this anymore...

There's the problem that my boyfriend is such a nice guy, he is in no way going to be able to be what Sophie wants - aka sexual violence etc. I've talked to him about allowing Sophie to be with other people, he pretty much said no way. I talked about how if that wasn't possible we might have to break up and he really doesn't want that either. Nor do I to be honest. I had a break down two days ago because I feel like, because of Sophie, I never get to feel happy and in a safe relationship without her ######6 it up every time. I was very happy when I first got with my BF because I'd just gotten out of an abusive relationship and he said he'd never hurt me....... Plus I've liked him for a long time...

But Sophie can't bear not being in an abusive relationship. To the point where it causes me severe stress... I'm starting to get so stressed out by it that I'm sinking into depression, starting to think suicide is my only way out, because the psychotherapist I saw doesn't want to give me therapy because he doesn't wanna ###$ up my university... But I can't handle university at the minute... I have seminar prep to do for tomorrow but I just feel too ######6 miserable I can't handle it... Starting to wish I was dead instead. I feel so lost.

Kaz x

Well then, your path forward is obvious, isn't it? Get into psychotherapy with a therapist who has trauma and dissociation related training (or at least supervision).

The therapist you saw before, who would not treat you because (he said) his treatment would have destabilized you so much that you would not have been able to function in college, was doing you a favor. You need and deserve a therapist who knows how to help you maintain stability so that you can function in the life you want to live.

Safe hugs.

Una+ wrote:Well then, your path forward is obvious, isn't it? Get into psychotherapy with a therapist who has trauma and dissociation related training (or at least supervision).

The therapist you saw before, who would not treat you because (he said) his treatment would have destabilized you so much that you would not have been able to function in college, was doing you a favor. You need and deserve a therapist who knows how to help you maintain stability so that you can function in the life you want to live.

Safe hugs.

I can't, it doesn't work like that here... If the NHS won't give me therapy, they won't give me therapy. I can't afford to go private.

Kaz x

Your path forward is clear, but not easy. Saying "I can't" is self-sabotage.

Una+ wrote:Your path forward is clear, but not easy. Saying "I can't" is self-sabotage.

I'm a student. Private therapy is at least £40 a session. I can't afford it.

I feel for you Kaz. for me, Scion is this hyper sexual, extremely dominant sadistic person, who for all intents and purposes is pretty much a rapist for lack of a better term. It really makes me worried about dating (the DID in general worries me about dating.). Really the only thing that keeps him in line is the fact that Kelrick, Burke and Atrus will kill him slowly if he ###$ up.

Try looking to a school therapist just for depression and anxiety. The University should have therapists for that. It should help for now. The fact that a therapist said therapy would have destabilized you is #######4. Therapy helps immensely in just having someone to confide in and talk to.

I'm not sure how to help with your BF. Maybe you can try to have him accommodate Sophie sexually if he is willing or able.

Hi Feathers.

Have you talked to Sophie about all this? I hear the same things over and over again but (if I'm not completely wrong) have you ever really asked Sophie WHY she wants what she wants?

TW warning!

I have few parts that have had sexually abusive relationships. They basically said 'yes' even if it would've been hurtful to the body/mind and accepted EVERYTHING their partners asked them to do - absolutely everything.

I asked later on why they did it and they basically wrote me a looong letter about it. It was all about being accepted and loved the ONLY way they knew: via sex/rape mimicing. It was quite heart breaking to hear that they weren't LOVED INSIDE THE SYSTEM and that's why they left to find love from somewhere else. Their need for love is completely out of control and that's why they keep chasing for sex they can't deal with...accepting everything that WILL hurt the body and mind.

Have you asked Sophie what is behind her behaviour? Why does she want to keep doing what she's doing? Does that give her emotionally something that the system is not giving? Does she feel loved or accepted? Has she ever posted anything in the forums btw? I don't remember seeing her here... Feeling stress in a safe relationship sounds pretty similar to one of our problem... Basically our abusers said that "rape is love, abuse is love". And then they turned the SAFE LOVE, SAFE SEX into abuse and rape!!! Basically some of our parts can't deal with respect and safety in a relationships because they think that it's WRONG and BAD. And they also think that if they'd ask carefully from their partner what she wants and say no, when they feel so, they feel that THAT IS ABUSE AND RAPE. The whole subject was turned upside down!!! And our parts believed it!!! I do too...in a way. =/

TW end.

I'd say that don't try to treat the symptom...go and find the root of the problem. It will be better on the long run. If you let Sophie do what she wants and instead of dealing the issue with her, the situation will just get worse and worse. She won't get better and nothing won't change if you don't address the issue from the bottom of it. Scratching the surface and making deals of letting Sophie have sex with others outside the safe relationship, is not a solution. It's treating the symptom.

I hope that you or any of your parts doesn't feel offended or anything but this is what I find important... It might not help you but I just decided to throw my thoughts here. =/

I really do feel for you, Kaz. I've felt the same way many, many times, and am kinda in the same boat in that I don't really have a way to get therapy right now. BUT SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER. Please, don't direct your thoughts that way. It's not helpful to anyone or solving anything.

Can you search private at least? See if there's any private therapists who will make exceptions or work with financially struggling people? If nothing else, I think it's clear that you need to start dictating the situation. If you can't handle Uni and want treatment, you might have to quit Uni yourself before going to demand treatment. Or tell them you'll quit Uni anyway if you don't get treatment. MAKE them listen to you, make them realize that therapy is your priority, not Uni.

As far as your boyfriend goes, I know it can seem like a hopeless, endless struggle that'll always be painful. But it won't stay that way forever. You need someone who accepts you, ALL OF YOU. They don't have to LIKE all of you, but they have to at least accept them and respect that they have their rights just as you do. You are all equals and all have equal rights/freedoms (within reasonable extent). Your boyfriend needs to realize that this won't just go away, Sophie won't just agree to stay quiet and obedient and nor should she. He also needs to realize that if Sophie had her own body, she wouldn't be with him and would be with other people. That right/freedom should not disappear just because she shares a body with you/others. It's not helpful or healthy to ignore parts (though it's easy to do sometimes, I'm guilty of it), and it's obvious that Sophie needs a compromise, not an absolute. I know you don't want to end this new relationship, but perhaps you both need to take a step back and look at the situation you're in with logic, not emotions. (Not easy, I know). I'm sure Sophie feels like, because of you, she never gets what she truly wants and has to suffer guys she doesn't like and rules she ends up breaking. What you have here is the option to compromise, or take a break from the relationship (not necessarily ending it yet) so that you both can figure things out a bit. (Just saw Adameil's post, I agree with treating the problem at the root and everything too- wow, how could I have missed those points, actually? Oh well, thanks Adameil!)

Suicide is not the answer, Kaz. Please, stay safe and remember, you're not alone in your struggles. You're understood and listened to here, and supported here. *safe hugs if wanted* Please have hotline numbers available for yourself just in case.

*mod edit*

You have received a lot of great replies here which I agree with. Kaz - you deserve to live. We want you here.

Also, looking into Sophie's desires to find the root, is a wonderful idea.

What is NHS? If you live in Portland, Oregon, you can receive free therapy from NARA. I did, from a wonderful therapist.

Also, if you live anywhere in the United States, I would recommend contacting your local Department of Human Services office (DHS). They should give you pages of resources for mental health.

I am deeply sorry that seeking out help that you so desperately need and deserve is so stressful and fraught with obstacles.

Do you go to school full time or part time?