Sophie cheated on my BF.

The new guy I've been involved with lately finally asked me out on Saturday, but Sophie cheated on him last night with a guy who I met at my uni freshers week. I did the right thing and told my BF about it, he knows about my alters and that I can't control them and he was good enough to forgive me.. I know I have hurt him though...

It's difficult because it happened after we found out that this guy is into the same stuff as Soph, rape fantasy, violence, etc. So now I'm worried she's into him. I feel so utterly miserable that she cheated on such a lovely bloke who would never do anything to hurt me.

UGH

Kaz x

*hug if wanted* This is some tough sh*t to go through, and it sucks big time that you have to go through it. But try to focus on the good stuff. You might've hurt him, but he sees that it isn't what you want, and he sees that you're honest enough to tell him about this sh*t, and since he forgave you, he obviously understands it all. We'd rather be hurt and knowing/understanding sh*t than be in the dark and find sh*t out later. Sure your boyfriend's the same way. So know that despite hurting him, he's most likely very happy that you told him, and he's probably glad that you're upfront about this sh*t instead of him finding it out later on his own or something. To address the issue, though, is there any way you can keep Sophie from this guy? Like, can you tell the guy to stay away, are you comfortable enough being blunt about how it wasn't "you", can you tell him you have a boyfriend and it can't happen again, something, anything, to help deter him at least? We know boys ain't the best listeners, but it might help to at least try. Is there any way your bf can talk to Sophie, maybe try to get some understanding with her or make a deal or something? Is there any way for you to try and talk with her and possibly make a deal? Like, have you ever considered something like designated "breaks"?

Yeah, Mike and Kat have that. Mike knows Kat likes her freedom, and doesn't always like being "stuck" with him, so whenever she feels like she needs some space/freedom, she lets Mike know, and then she can go on a "break" for up to 3 months. During the break, Kat and Mike are under a "don't ask, don't tell" type of policy. Mike won't ask, and Kat doesn't tell. Or brag, or use sh*t in an argument, or anything like that. She's allowed to do what she wants, and who she wants, as long as she's safe, she doesn't keep sh*t from Mike or Cassandra (all new interests are reported at first so that there's no "mystery people" or phone numbers or anything), and she respects the relationship Mike and Cassandra have.(Meaning if Mike and Cassandra have plans like a date, that sh*t comes first over whatever Kat wants). Maybe you and your bf could talk about an idea like that and come up with rules/guidelines that are comfortable for you. Just an idea, though. If you don't like it, no pressure to use it.

Is there any way you can make yourself understood to Sophie? She seems to think she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Maybe it's time for a taste of her own medicine? Lost... No, I'm serious. If words and kindness don't work, sometimes you gotta reach people with the sh*t they dish out. Maybe you can change the password on a site of her's? Or pretend to delete one of her writings (having a copy saved somewhere, of course)? Just something to show her what it's like to have people not respect your wishes despite trying to be nice and sh*t. Not sure that's the best road to take, Lost. Eh, it's just another idea though. Anyway, we've been kinda having some chaos around here, but we know that you can PM us whenever if you need/want to. Again, try to focus on the good stuff for now, and try to figure sh*t out a bit later. Take a break for now, we bet your mind/emotions need it. We hope you feel better soon, and are able to figure this sh*t out. Good luck. ~L.C. ~Luna

Kaz and Sophie, I get the idea from your posts that the two of you are in a race with each other to see who can catch a guy first and screw the other one.

Kaz, you barely know this guy and you have only just begun dating him. To me, that does not make him a boyfriend and certainly not someone in a committed exclusive relationship with you. Also, he is not Sophie's boyfriend so Sophie did not cheat on him.

That was one of the rudest thing I've ever ######6 read and it doesn't even deserve a response.

Feathers wrote:That was one of the rudest thing I've ever ######6 read and it doesn't even deserve a response.

The feedback on your original post was hard to read, eh? I am impressed that you have managed to post a response. Good for you!

Una+ wrote:

Feathers wrote:That was one of the rudest thing I've ever ######6 read and it doesn't even deserve a response.

The feedback on your original post was hard to read, eh? I am impressed that you have managed to post a response. Good for you!

Hi there.

I must say, Una+, that you have been increasingly rude in the forums lately! Is a rude alter being in control or what it is? You can't go around speaking to people like that! And when they react angrily or so you can't scold them for not being able to understand your rude criticism! T_T

Pff. You're triggering us with your attitude... Quit it.

I've been MIA for a couple days, but I couldn't ignore this. I don't see anything rude with Una+'s original post. Perhaps her response to Feather's reply was a bit rude, but I mainly see it as something along the lines of saying "truth hurts, doesn't it".

Una+ wrote:Kaz and Sophie, I get the idea from your posts that the two of you are in a race with each other to see who can catch a guy first and screw the other one.

Kaz, you barely know this guy and you have only just begun dating him. To me, that does not make him a boyfriend and certainly not someone in a committed exclusive relationship with you. Also, he is not Sophie's boyfriend so Sophie did not cheat on him.

Sophie, why are you being a party to this train wreck? I think you know better.

I see nothing rude about this post. She's stating her opinion based on what she's read and what she knows. I see nothing wrong with that. And I agree with her. Kaz is dating someone, Sophie is not. If Kaz was to be involved with another guy, she'd be cheating on her bf. But since Sophie doesn't see herself as having a bf, and since Sophie is not Kaz (yeah, I know, our parts are all parts of the same person, but this is situational) then it can be said that Sophie didn't cheat on anyone. Yes, she was wrong to disrespect Kaz and fool around with another guy, but that's another point entirely.

I do not agree that just beginning to date someone doesn't make him a boyfriend, but I do agree that such a new relationship is nothing serious yet. Yes, emotions and emotional stress (like this) can make it seem that way, but remember, it's a new relationship. You might've been friends with this guy before and you might've liked him the entire time, but this type of relationship between you and him is still new and nothing's super serious yet (this includes being super exclusive). However, that can also change depending on how you see relationships and such, so that's a personal call. I just wanted to say that I can see where Una+ is coming from.

I do agree with Una+ about thinking that Sophie knows better, and I see nothing wrong with this comment. I know everyone's different, but I also know that sometimes to get alters that act out like this to realize what they're doing, you have to remind them that they probably know better. Usually Mike has to do this with Kat when she's in a mood. Mike will tell her, "Kat, you know better than this", and while Kat will respond in anger, she'll realize that he's right (though she'd never admit it), and she'll work on acting like/showing that she knows better.

For the sake of argument, even if she is being rude, sometimes that happens. Especially if it's as Adameil asks and it's a rude alter. As far as triggering goes, that's ultimately on everyone's personal responsibility. Yeah, we can help each other out with warnings and such, but we don't know who's sensitive to what, and I accept the fact that every time I sign on something may trigger someone. Kat would have a lot more angry responses if I didn't help her take a step back and realize that it's just the way another alter talks, or it's just a rant, or if it wasn't meant in that way, etc. Rudeness can be triggering, but it can't always be warned about, so sometimes we just have to watch ourselves and remember that rude responses can happen here. (Not trying offend anyone, especially Adameil, just stating my opinion).

I agree, I don't think Una intended to be rude. Blunt, maybe!

Kaz, it is sounding as though the relationship between you and Sophie is becoming more and more antagonistic. She has her reasons for desiring abusive sex. They won't be pleasant reasons, and I don't blame you for wanting nothing to do with it, or them. But until both of you find a way to co-operate and communicate about this, she is just going to keep doing it. Una's right that Sophie is not dating the man you're dating, so has not 'cheated' on him. She doesn't have the right to get you into situations you are not comfortable with, or which hurt you or others, though. I'm sorry you both find yourselves in this situation. The only thing I can suggest is that you talk to each other, even if that means having a blazing row! Not something I'd usually advocate, but sometimes that's the only way to get all the hurt and resentment at each other out of the way so you can get to the real issues.

Owleyes wrote:I agree, I don't think Una intended to be rude. Blunt, maybe!

Frequently I am very blunt. Blunt is not necessarily rude. Clearly my bluntness caused offense, perhaps even pain, and I somewhat regret that. Avoidance of necessary pain causes unnecessary suffering.

Una+ wrote:Avoidance of necessary pain causes unnecessary suffering.

Agreed. I don't think bluntness equates to rudeness. Sometimes things have to be said. I know I would struggle to see it that way if I was on the receiving end! Like most of us here (I imagine) I've taken a lot of verbal aggression in the past and it's hard not to see it everywhere. Una, over the past few months your bluntness has helped me to see the difference, because I see no intent to harm in your replies. It's been a damn good lesson to learn and I thank you for it. And now I will stop hijacking Kaz's thread!