Angry protecter alts *trigger warning*

Hi I'm not the original but im the current host and have been for about five years now

I was just wondering how do you deal with angry protecter alts. I've never
been afraid of other alters there all reasonable to an extent (my admin taught them).
But due to a negative break up he's easily triggered and keeps giving me murderous thought
about my ex and how to get back at him (but it's over and done I've buried that chapter) but everytime I reason with him he bites my head off saying men shouldn't hurt and manipulate women like that and wants to inflict the pain I experienced onto him physically. And gets very angry and nearly switches out even at work..........I'm worried I won't be able to hold him back or when I'm near my ex he might try and do something we might regret.

His name is Tom he is and old alter but only recently intorduced him self to me in a horrifying manner. All theses old memories keep flooding back when he is nearly switching out. I'm having enough trouble coping with my break up and new job and this is making me fall apart at the seams. when me and all the cooperative alters have been working so hard to make things better for ourselves.help! I'm so afraid.......

Hi, nice to meet you

spanky_spee wrote:All theses old memories keep flooding back when he is nearly switching out.

I have one like this, who comes out and is very angry about things I thought I was 'over'. One thing that works for her is letting her write down everything she thinks, wants to say, do, whatever. Just letting her rant, basically. Another is to let her throw or break things, if it's safe and OK to do it. And we've got enough communication that she's agreed not to come out at work. But there are situations where she just comes out and I have no control over what she says or does, and it's hard having to pick up the pieces afterwards, so I know it can be pretty scary. Can you communicate with Tom and try to agree when and how he can come out, and how he can express his anger in less damaging ways?

Like Owleyes said, angry alters need less damaging ways to express their anger and protectiveness. I would know. I had to learn this myself.

Do you have any communication with Tom? If not, definitely work on that. Try talking "inside" your head to him, talking outloud to him, writing him notes, etc. Do you know anything about him? Like what foods he likes or music? That could help get him forward for communication. Also, make sure you feel safe, relaxed, and comfortable before you try to communicate with him. He's a protector, so he won't feel scared, but the better you feel, the better he might feel.

Anger needs to be expressed or it explodes. Try listening to angry music when he's near; music that he'll identify with, like maybe some angry break-up music or music about punishing f*#kers like your ex or something. Try stuff like "Wait and Bleed" by Slipknot, or "The Game" by Disturbed, or "Die MotherF*#ker Die" by Dope. Maybe make some time to where you let him sing/scream along, too. That helps me. Have him hit some pillows, maybe even choose a pillow that he could stab (ONLY IF IT'S SAFE to let him have a knife, of course). Try "strangling" pillows too, grabbing the pillow round the middle and squeezing the sh*t out of it while imagining that you're strangling someone. Could also try havin' him write about his anger and what he'd like to do to your ex. Like the bullsh*t Rain always says, "It's better to express thoughts and desires through words instead of acting on them". Could even draw pictures if he wants of what he'd like to do to your ex. Might help that get that out of his system.

Angry alters can be cooperative, too. We just might need help to get there, or might cooperate in different ways, sh*t like that.

-KAT

Thanks for the advice

Things have just been hard

I guess i'll have a gorey movie night for him