Oh my God...

Recap: Recently starting seeing a new guy who I wanted to take things slowly with. Sophie had different ideas and sexted him. I came out to him about my DID and warned him that Sophie might try to sleep with him when he came over (yesterday).

So L came over yesterday and we had a nice night watching films and whatnot. Went to bed and then of course Sophie comes out. I asked her not to sleep with him, technically she didn't, she just did other stuff. He thought it was me of course, like she was really going to tell him it was her after I'd warned him she might try to do this. Sigh, I guess there's no real point in trying to go slow now eh?

Also, some of you may know that I've been waiting nearly a year for psychotherapy. I had my assessment for that today. I explained my alters and my mood problems, and they said they don't think therapy is right for me because I'm in university. I just wanna slam my head off a wall. I've been hanging on for this therapy and now I might not even get it because they're worried it'll make me fall apart and fail uni. I would rather get help than go to uni! This stuff is ruining my life!

Kaz x

You have a right to go slow at any point during a relationship or during dating. Just cause you (in the larger sense here) did something once - doesn't mean you have to do it again. Are there any signs at all (physically) that Sophie is the one out and not you? Like certain ways she holds herself or does things? Maybe you could try to help your date with spotting when it's switched so he doesn't do anything you don't wanna do.

About the university thing - that's just ###$ up. Sorry I'm not more help than that..

Kaz, you're in England, so try contacting the Pottergate Centre for advice and support in negotiating with the assessment people. If these people mean to say the therapy they would provide is expected to be highly destabilizing (because that is what usually happens to their patients) then you probably don't want therapy from them.

Good luck with that.

lifelongthing - I told him about some signs like the more high pitched voice but I guess he didn't notice it. It's not so bad I guess. It's not like I'm freaked out by it or anything I just kinda thought it would be nice to prolong the nice part at the beginning of the relationship where you're only just getting to know each other rather than jump into seriousness straight away.

Una - I think they're right in saying that it would be destabilising though. I mean if I have therapy and find out I've been abused that is gonna be pretty difficult isn't it, no matter how good they are at the therapy?

Kaz x

Feathers wrote: I would rather get help than go to uni!

Did you tell them this? It's important that you try to communicate to them how important it is to you to get therapy... It seems really stupid that they'd deny you therapy you need simply because you are studying. It kind of makes me angry that other people can have say over our lives in that type of way. Your priorities and life activities such as therapy and uni should be able to be determined by yourself and your others, not by outside people. Who are they to deny you the help you need based on what they think your priorities should be?

Kaz wrote:if I have therapy and find out I've been abused that is gonna be pretty difficult isn't it, no matter how good they are at the therapy?

Difficult is relative. With good therapy you should be more functional than you are now, not less.

Did you tell them this? It's important that you try to communicate to them how important it is to you to get therapy... It seems really stupid that they'd deny you therapy you need simply because you are studying. It kind of makes me angry that other people can have say over our lives in that type of way. Your priorities and life activities such as therapy and uni should be able to be determined by yourself and your others, not by outside people. Who are they to deny you the help you need based on what they think your priorities should be?

They just say that they don't want to "set me up to fail" aka uni, saying that it will be stressful enough without therapy :'( I tried to tell them how important it was to me.

Difficult is relative. With good therapy you should be more functional than you are now, not less.

I'm sure I'd be worse off for a while though, I mean, I don't have any abuse memories at all...

I really just wish they'd help me. It's been 3 years since I started seeking help and I'm still no better off...

Kaz x

I think sometimes there is naturally a little destabilization through going through the process of changing things, even if it is eventually for the better. So I can see why the people doing the assessment would be concerned about destabilization to some extent. I would have thought though that anyone worth doing therapy with would recognise that it's important for the patient to make their own choices about what they can manage to do in terms of study and therapy. The only reason I would have thought that justified taking the choice away from the patient would have been if they thought they were suicidal or going to cause themselves or others significant harm. But I would certainly think that these things would become overall more stable, not less so, with good therapy. It just can sometimes take a little bit of time to work through the moments where things are changing and become a bit destabilized in the process of moving to a better place mentally...

They just say that they don't want to "set me up to fail" aka uni, saying that it will be stressful enough without therapy

Maybe they forgot that dissociative people are actually really smart and can usually work out what to do in a given situation. I'm sure you could do therapy and if you could tell it was interfering with your study, you'd be able to work out an appropriate solution so that you didn't just end up failing, whether that be withdrawing or seeking extra support. So I really don't buy that as an excuse on their part, that's a really unacceptable thing to say to you. Plus therapy is supposed to help you work through problems, so if you were starting to have trouble with your uni work as a result of therapy, I'd kind of hope you had a therapist that could help you work out what to do about it. Plus, you can't really know exactly how things are going to pan out until you try, so I think it seems stupid of them not to let you even try therapy.

salted lipstick wrote:I'm sure you could do therapy and if you could tell it was interfering with your study, you'd be able to work out an appropriate solution so that you didn't just end up failing, whether that be withdrawing or seeking extra support. So I really don't buy that as an excuse on their part, that's a really unacceptable thing to say to you. Plus therapy is supposed to help you work through problems, so if you were starting to have trouble with your uni work as a result of therapy, I'd kind of hope you had a therapist that could help you work out what to do about it.

I agree with salted lipstick on this, their reasoning seems very flawed. According to that logic, there's never going to be a 'good time' to have therapy. I mean, presumably after uni you'd be looking to get a job. And how is working and doing therapy any easier than doing it while studying? Also, uni is stressful, and stress often intensifies symptoms, so having therapy sounds like a sensible safety plan, rather that 'setting you up to fail'. Can you put this to them and ask them to reconsider? Is there a friend or support worker or someone who could come along as advocate/support if you feel you need back-up in speaking to them? I wish you all the best with this, it must be so disappointing to have waited so long for therapy and feel like it's going to be pulled out from under you.

I am feeling like they've just torn me into ######6 shreds. Can't believe that they're telling me they might not let me have therapy. I've been waiting for so ######6 long. I'm in such a #######5 mood, I don't know why I thought that this appointment would be any different from the other ten billion ######6 ridiculously pointless, waste of space appointments that I've had over the past 3 years.

Kaz x