Can alters be in a "relationship" with each other? *TW*

**TRIGGER WARNING: Sexually explicit. No rape, nothing like that, just very blunt**

So...something happened 2 or 3 days ago that was rather shocking, kinda disturbing, and very confusing to me. I've finally got up the guts to post about it, so here goes.

It starts here: One time when my boyfriend Mike was talking with an alter of mine, Damone, Mike learned that two other alters of mine, Dallas and Rebel, had been hanging out together a lot. Mike asked Dallas about it, and learned that Dallas and Rebel were somehow sort of "friends with benefits". Apparently they've had sex together even. (Just to clarify, these are all alters from my "secondary circle". So they're all in the same general area, with the sometimes-exception of Rebel. And I do not have co-consciousness with any of my secondary circle alters). I don't really know how a relationship like that would work between alters, but it hadn't seemed to cause any issues yet, so I left it alone for the time being. (One of those, "I'll figure out more later if I can", things).

Well, here's where it gets a bit weird. At least, for me it does.

**Sexually explicit stuff**

So... one morning not too long ago, I had started masturbating. But it was different this time around. It felt different. I was taking a lot longer than normal to "finish", and it seemed to be a lot more difficult. But I figured I'd just keep trying. Finally, it seemed like I was getting somewhere. When I felt like I was getting close to "finishing", though, things suddenly changed. I SAW Dallas, as if he was on top of me, having sex with me. And I heard myself say, in a voice slightly different than mine, "Oohh, Dallas". Dallas, who I was still seeing and who was still "having sex" with me, replied "God, Rebel, you feel good". (And no, my mouth did not move when Dallas spoke. My mouth only moved when Rebel spoke and her voice came out of my mouth). And my masturbation "finished" when both Rebel and Dallas finished "having sex". As soon as I "finished", Dallas disappeared from sight and I no longer saw him as if he was on top of or even with me.

**end sexually explicit stuff**

My reaction still mostly remains the same... WTF JUST HAPPENED?? This has never, ever happened to me before. And the only "sex/relationship" I knew of before this was when "Hannibal" would sometimes sexually abuse Kat in our inner world. It was quite disturbing for me to actually see Dallas as if he was really there, especially in that situation. It was even weirder for me to hear Rebel's voice coming from my mouth. I felt like I'd gotten stuck in the same room with these two without them noticing and found myself watching them have sex or something. Does that make sense? Even if it doesn't, it was slightly disturbing to me.

Since then, I have asked Rebel and Dallas to go on a "hiatus" with having sex or having any type of a relationship other than friendship for now. They agreed, though very reluctantly. And now I have a decision to make. Do I let them continue whatever it is they're doing? Or do I put a stop to it?

I have so many questions floating around my head. Is there any way this could be harmful to my system? Or am I overreacting? Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Can alters have relationships between themselves? Can they have sexual relationships between themselves? How does that work? What would draw them to go into a relationship with another alter? What would draw them to have sex with another alter?

Another thing that was confusing to me is that like half of Rebel's purpose was being Jeremy's (an ex of mine's) girl, the perfect match, loyal to him. She went into "hiding" when he left us for another girl after asking us back out. She used to be stuck in the summer of 2009, (time period before he left us), whenever she came "out" because she didn't want to face the fact that he left her/us. So...if she's "with" Dallas now, or whatever, does that mean that part of her purpose is gone? And does that mean that she realizes this? That she accepts Jeremy's gone? Will this maybe help with her being "up to date" when she comes out? I'm not expecting anyone to answer these questions, I'm just typing as I think right now..

But yeah, this is really new stuff for me, and I have no idea how to react to this. Any helpful ideas would be greatly appreciated if anyone has them.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I could help. The only thing I can say is that nothing surprises me with DID. I have come to believe that if it seems real, if it feels real, then it's real. Your experience, to me, seems totally believable. Alters communicate with each other in a variety of ways. I suppose a sexual relationship would be just another way.

You asked, "I have so many questions floating around my head. Is there any way this could be harmful to my system? I don't know for sure. My imput would only be a guess. In the case of Hanibal 'sometimes sexually abusing Kat, well then yes. I would think that might pose a problem to Kat & anyone she relates to on the inside. Dallas & Rebel - you said yourself that it was "quite disturbing" for you so I guess asking them to stop was probably good. I'd try to get them to talk with you about how they feel about their relationship though & why it started up in the 1st place. There has to be some meaning behind it.

Sorry I couldn't be more help. I'm posting bc I care & I hope that some others can be more helpful...Sotrsab

tomboy24 wrote:I have so many questions floating around my head. Is there any way this could be harmful to my system? Or am I overreacting? Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Can alters have relationships between themselves? Can they have sexual relationships between themselves?

Many of our alters have relationships like that with each other. The relationships initially emerged for protective reasons, but some have moved into sexual areas.
Wolf and Swan are "together"
Bear and Lion
Myself and Bunny
Sparrow and Fox

Sparrow, Fox and Bunny have a sexual triage relationship and they sometimes fantasize things.

We have never experienced anything like the event you describe masturbating, but I don't think our alters relationships are much different. It sounds like they have found something in each other that they like, and that helps them. I would discuss the relationship with your T (you don't have to tell her the explicit stuff if it makes you uncomfortable). At this point it doesn't sound harmful and may even be helping Rebel move on, as you said. I would ask them politely to leave you out of the relationship, if it disturbs you, but also keep an eye on it so you can know if it begins to cause harmful symptoms in the system.

Best of luck!

There have been many reports here and elsewhere of alters who share a system having sex with each other. Often not said is how the host knows about this. I suspect that at least in some cases the host knows because the host is "tune in".

I have been in a somewhat similar situation, only with the roles somewhat reversed. Sometimes when I am having sex I am aware there are alters present and tuning in to the body, now and then even co-occupying the body in order to actively participate.

Are Rebel and Dallas able to have sex together at other times, inside, without you being aware? Or could you be losing time while they get the body involved? I would not ask Rebel and Dallas to stop having sex, but I would ask them to explore how to do it without pulling others (you) into it with them. On the other hand, perhaps it is you who needs to learn to hold yourself apart from them? Either way, it seems to me that your system will be learning some important new cognitive skills.

You typically lose time when Rebel is out, right? So this experience sounds like is a really big step toward better communication, co-consciousness, and perhaps eventual integration. For what it is worth, both of my integrations so far happened in connection with an orgasm, and the content of my dreams suggests that for me integration is intrinsically erotic and somatic.

beep boop, I do not and you are not

My boyfriend actually had a similar situation to that. One of the personalities he had would do that to one of the female alters. When he discovered that, he was weirded out.

Sotrsab wrote: I would think that might pose a problem to Kat & anyone she relates to on the inside.

I'm hoping that Kat will be able to realize the difference in the situations, and that she's removed enough from them in general that it won't bother her. With her in my "main circle", she doesn't have interaction with my "secondary circle" alters such as Rebel and Dallas. (Interaction is possible, but only under certain circumstances, and it very rarely happens). And it seems that I was the only one "up there" to see Rebel&Dallas.

Sotrsab wrote:I'd try to get them to talk with you about how they feel about their relationship though & why it started up in the 1st place. There has to be some meaning behind it.

Sorry I couldn't be more help. I'm posting bc I care & I hope that some others can be more helpful...Sotrsab

Thanks for this idea, I've left notes for both of them asked questions about their relationship. I hope they answer them. And you're more helpful than you think, Sotrsab. Just knowing someone cares helps a ton.

doe-eyed wrote:I would discuss the relationship with your T (you don't have to tell her the explicit stuff if it makes you uncomfortable). At this point it doesn't sound harmful and may even be helping Rebel move on, as you said. I would ask them politely to leave you out of the relationship, if it disturbs you, but also keep an eye on it so you can know if it begins to cause harmful symptoms in the system.

Best of luck!

I don't have a therapist, at the moment. I probably won't for a while, but I do plan to get back into therapy. From how they reacted when they were asked to go on hiatus (my boyfriend Mike helped me ask this of them), they didn't realize that I was "there" with them. So I'm guessing they didn't mean to include me.
Now that I know it's not that uncommon, I'm less disturbed by the idea of it. Thank you for sharing your system's couples. It was mainly seeing Dallas and stuff that was disturbing. And now that I'm over the shock of it, it's not so much disturbing as it was surprising and extremely strange.

Una+ wrote:Are Rebel and Dallas able to have sex together at other times, inside, without you being aware? Or could you be losing time while they get the body involved? I would not ask Rebel and Dallas to stop having sex, but I would ask them to explore how to do it without pulling others (you) into it with them. On the other hand, perhaps it is you who needs to learn to hold yourself apart from them? Either way, it seems to me that your system will be learning some important new cognitive skills.

From what I know so far, it seems as though they've been having sex inside without me knowing. I've written this question down for them to (hopefully) answer, though, just to make sure I'm not losing time without knowing it. I don't think they meant to pull me into it, and I don't think they realized that they had pulled me into it. When they were asked to go on hiatus, they were extremely surprised that they had been "seen". I'll definitely be looking into this further as I'm able to.

Una+ wrote:You typically lose time when Rebel is out, right? So this experience sounds like is a really big step toward better communication, co-consciousness, and perhaps eventual integration. For what it is worth, both of my integrations so far happened in connection with an orgasm, and the content of my dreams suggests that for me integration is intrinsically erotic and somatic.

Yes, I do. Thank you for pointing this out, Una+. I guess I was so shocked by what had happened, that I didn't even really process the fact that I was up front with Rebel, probably even seeing through her eyes since I "saw" Dallas. Knowing that this isn't that "weird" and that progression can have a sexual nature is definitely helpful, so thanks for that reassuance as well.

Percival wrote:beep boop, I do not and you are not

Anasui wrote:My boyfriend actually had a similar situation to that. One of the personalities he had would do that to one of the female alters. When he discovered that, he was weirded out.

Thank you both for your replies. Knowing that I'm not alone in stuff like this certainly helps, and makes me feel more comfortable with the idea.

Tomboy,

Seems normal. There's me and my "alter" (we no longer use the word--use partner instead). Just two of us, both females, now after lots of work. Both of us are permanent and that's it. We share the body 50-50 and have sex every night usually.

Well then... Nice to knows its common.