Freaking out - a lot going on.

(owl) I've been kind of unstable these past 2 days, and it is really concerning me. I started a job a week ago and I really liked it. The people I work for are nice, I enjoy the tasks I am assigned, and I feel valued, appreciated, and I was feeling more confident; but that confidence has lapsed this week. It has been living hell in my head. I have periods of unexplained exhaustion, sore limbs, light-headedness and it gets to a point where I don't know what is going on inside my head. Normally, I can "see" my alters in my mind and "hear" them, also in my mind, but I get these "cloudy" headaches where communication ceases. This usually happens when I am stressed or over-exerted. And more than the bizarre physical symptoms, there is a voice in my head that berates me nonstop. Sparrow loves fashion, so she's in charge of our wardrobe, but she is getting increasingly neurotic, to the point I think she may need medical attention for body dimorphism. All day she bemoans the way we look. This has been increasing over a period of months, and she has always been moderately this way. But now it's getting to a point where she is complaining about things that can't change. Like the length of our neck or legs, or how thick our lips are; things you're born with. Last night some of us had a talk with her, and said that we didn't want to hear any more insults about ourself, because they only dragged us down. Wolf also said something along the lines of "Since when did body become about form, not function?" We have a perfectly functional arms and legs and head and organs, we should be happy for that, and I am. Sparrow will look at others around us and in our head we hear it so many times a day "I want to look like that. Why can't I look like that?" Sparrow will get frustrated, even angry, and it has been taking a huge toll on our system. I'm not sure what to do. I don't know how to facilitate a switch for Sparrow to spend some time "in the back". It was a miserable and draining day, and I'm afraid I can't take many more like it. There is a lot of pressure on me right now. I have a job, and I'll be starting school soon. I recently got out of an abusive relationship. I haven't been able to see my T for several weeks, since I became employed and before that she went on vacation.

Also, we have two new alters, shortly after discovering 3 others. Pegasus and Noah are both littles, and it's tough. Noah is very sensitive, and I've been having a lot of feelings lately with a deja-vu quality to them, but they are uncomfortable feelings, and I think they may be coming from Noah or Pegasus, but I'm not sure.

That was a lot >< but I needed to get it off my chest, so thank you for listening.

The symptoms you're experiencing, like the sore limbs and stuff, could be in response to stress. New jobs are stressful, no matter how well they fit or go at first. They could also be caused by an alter who's perhaps stuck in or reliving some trauma. That could also be why Sparrow is acting up, there could be something troubling her or someone else that she knows. Perhaps try asking her why she's been feeling and acting this way? Yeah, try talkin' to her, see if you can learn more about why she's been acting like this. 'Cause when you know more about something, like "why", the more you know about how you can help it or solve it. Does she have a journal or somethin' like that to use? Being able to write down her thoughts could help. You could even see if you can make a deal with her. All thoughts related to your image she's to write down in the journal and share with everyone at a designated time. That way it can be a a time that's comfortable and not in the middle of something like work, so that you're more prepared to process her thoughts about your image. Like a family meeting of sorts. You could also try doing things like making a list of say, 5 things, that you like about yourself every day. And read it whenever you need a reminder of those good things about you. Something that could help "replace" your therapy for now is writing down what you'd like to cover in therapy. Maybe even think up topics and questions for yourself to discuss/answer. It might help as an outlet for sh*t that you would normally be talking about with your therapis.

As for your littles, hello and welcome. Try "mothering" yourself; taking time to relax and sh*t. Listen to happy or calm music, hold stuffed animals, watch a childhood or funny movie, eat comfort foods, surround yourself with things that make you feel safe and comforted. Don't be afraid to act childish either. Yeah, let yourself do sh*t like sucking your thumb, hiding your face, talking differently. The more comfortable you feel, about your environment, about yourself and about how you act, the more comfortable your little will feel. And that could help them calm down and feel better. We hope things work out for you, and that you're able to help Sparrow, and yourself. Best of luck to you! ~Luna Later. ~LC

It sounds like you have a lot of stress and inner conflict lately. I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have much advice right now (we're in a high stress place ourselves lately) except be good at self-care for all yourselves and reach out to people either irl or here (like you are doing!) and try to just take it one step at a time

Wish you the best and just thought I'd let you know we're here & reading!
- Nin

thank you so much tomboy24 and lifelongthing, your replies were very comforting and helpful.

tomboy24 wrote:The symptoms you're experiencing, like the sore limbs and stuff, could be in response to stress. New jobs are stressful, no matter how well they fit or go at first. They could also be caused by an alter who's perhaps stuck in or reliving some trauma.

It was nice to read other possible causes of this physical pain, I was worrying so much that something was seriously wrong with me. I had a little caffeine last night and much of the limb pain went away. But we also have been in better spirits.

tomboy24 wrote:That could also be why Sparrow is acting up, there could be something troubling her or someone else that she knows. Perhaps try asking her why she's been feeling and acting this way? Yeah, try talkin' to her, see if you can learn more about why she's been acting like this. 'Cause when you know more about something, like "why", the more you know about how you can help it or solve it. Does she have a journal or somethin' like that to use? Being able to write down her thoughts could help. You could even see if you can make a deal with her. All thoughts related to your image she's to write down in the journal and share with everyone at a designated time. That way it can be a a time that's comfortable and not in the middle of something like work, so that you're more prepared to process her thoughts about your image. Like a family meeting of sorts.

It made someone in our system feel better to read this, to feel recognized. Also, knowing why something is happened always takes a load off. We haven't gotten to the bottom of this, but the issue was less today. I'm not entirely sure why. I think it could possibly be because Wolf came out more. He has this almost aggressively laid-back attitude that counteracts Sparrow's anxiety. Also, caffiene triggers Wolf and Fox to be more physically present in the body, instead of only present in the mind.

tomboy24 wrote: You could also try doing things like making a list of say, 5 things, that you like about yourself every day. And read it whenever you need a reminder of those good things about you.

This is a really good idea, something we've considered doing.

tomboy24 wrote: Something that could help "replace" your therapy for now is writing down what you'd like to cover in therapy. Maybe even think up topics and questions for yourself to discuss/answer. It might help as an outlet for sh*t that you would normally be talking about with your therapis.

Also a great idea! I haven't thought about this before, but I can see it being helpful to a few of my alters.

Also, it was so so neat to read how L.C. and Luna talk simultaneously, but also differently. It is almost a near replica of how my alters communicate sometimes, and seeing it that way was really great!

Thank you, too, Nin, for your kind words. I hope you begin to feel better soon as well, and are taking good care of yourself. *safe hugs if wanted*

We're glad we could help. Both with advice, and how it was given. Hope things continue to get better for you. ~Luna ~LC