Feeling unstable. Can alters split themselves? *TW*

*May Trigger*

There's LC and then there's Luna. There's LC and then there's Luna.

It keeps repeating in my head over and over. Ever since yesterday. I feel fuzzy and anxious. I feel like I'm being held together by velcro. I feel like if I look in the mirror, I'll see two people instead of one.

There's LC and then there's Luna. There's LC and then there's Luna.

I don't get it. What does it mean??

LC stands for Lost Child. But it used to stand for her "real name", the one that Cassie gave her before Lost Child was chosen, Luna Crystal.

There's LC and then there's Luna. Why does it keep repeating? It echoes throughout my mind. There's LC and then there's Luna.

*TW: talk of sexual stuff*
LC was a strong influence yesterday, and was the the main one "out". At one point, I/She was watching...lesbian porn. One of the girls got a strap-on out, and I had two different thoughts at once in my head at the same time. One was "I wish I had a d*#k or a strap-on"; the other was "D*#k's are gross, take off the strap-on". I paused to process what I'd just heard/thought, then thought, "Wait a second. Isn't LC the one who wants a d*#k? Why doesn't she like the strap-on?"
*End TW*

That's when I heard, "There's LC and then there's Luna", as an answer to my question. It seemed to echo in my head. There's LC and then there's Luna. I started to feel detached from myself, as if I was sinking through my body and into the bed, and I felt like I couldn't breathe for a few seconds. I got really anxious, and really fuzzy. I tried to smoke a few bowls to try and help me calm down. It helped me stabilize, but I still felt a bit anxious.

There's LC and then there's Luna.

Every time that repeats in my head, I see things. I see two faces, two bodies; I see situations and experiences being compared; I see 2 different memories side by side.

There's LC and then there's Luna.

When "There's LC" is repeated, I see LC's face as I always have, but she has short hair. She's dressed in boyish clothes; a black wife-beater tank-top, sports bra, baggy jeans, boxers. I feel flashes of things that she feels- She's a lesbian; she isn't interested in guys at all; she has slight penis envy.

When "there's Luna" is repeated, I see LC's face as I always have, but she has long hair. She's dressed in gothy, girly, clothes; a black girl's t-shirt, regular bra, long black skirt, fingerless arm-gloves. I feel flashes of things that she feels- She thinks she's a lesbian; she thinks d*#ks are gross but she's confused about guys overall; she has no penis envy whatsoever.

I see memories of LC's, but they're split, and some of them have small differences. It's like watching two TVs in the same room side by side. I see comparisons between "masculine LC" and "feminine LC".

There's LC and then there's Luna.

So far, LC's voice has an echo today. It's like there's two people talking at the same time, but all I see is her and her mouth. I don't get it. Is she splitting? Do alters split? Was there always another alter there? Is this a new alter? Is LC a single alter? I'm so confused.

There's LC and then there's Luna. What does it mean??

I don't get it. I know LC, there was only ever her.... right? There still is just her... right? Everything's still the same... right?

There's LC and then there's Luna.

Is she splitting? Do alters split?

Any personality is an alter. We believe in a core, but that doesn't stop the core from being "just another alter" as well. It's just part of who I (Nin) am - not something bigger or better. But it's different for everyone. But yes, alters split and I've heard of alters splitting themselves as well when there's to much inner conflict (and for reasons unknown to those I've heard from).

In our system I (Nin) am core. But Anastasia split into Aicha all the same. She's Ana's split - though not a split out of her personality, she's a split made when Ana couldn't handle anymore just like in the way that I split to Anastasia. No difference there. But there are several ways to split and like with most things in DID - the only thing stopping you is your imagination. Those are the limits.

It sounds to me like maybe L.C split to Luna and that those are two distinct personalities. That doesn't mean it happened today, nor does it mean it was always like that. It doesn't even mean that it is so. Have you asked L.C straight out if she split? Have you tried to communicate with Luna specifically? Maybe she didn't split - but I'm guessing unfortunately you'll just have to wait for the answer to reveal itself more clearly.

I'm sorry you feel so anxious about it though. If there's anything we can do just let us know or PM us

- Nin

Hi - I'm sorry you've been feeling bad - that can happen when you discover an alter you didn't know about, or when one comes forward. There's LC and there's Luna - it sounds so clear, but it feels strange for you because you don't know what's going on. You can see them so clearly - can you just go with it, trust what you're seeing, and yes, great suggestion - ask LC or Luna or both when Luna came, and whether she split from LC? Or ask if anyone else in your system knows?

I've had DR and DP feelings when a "new" alter appears, it seems like it's almost part of the process of a new one "breaking through" or coming out - like maybe I had to be in a kind of altered state for it to happen - or maybe the breaking through process puts us into that state.

My T emailed me once about what happens when the brain is making new connections, how it has to be in a fluid state for that to happen, and that goes along with feelings of anxiety. Another alter making themselves known to you sure is a change in your brain, so maybe that applies here. I can send you the email or post it if you'd like that.

I want to say, trust yourself, trust your system; your "others" are showing themselves to you, maybe don't try to figure it all out at once, just breathe when you feel anxious or fuzzy, try to take care of yourself, do things that make you feel safe and good, as much as you can.

I don't know if it helps...but I think that duality (yes/no) that your alters were feeling is normal. My son remembers the exact moment his twins were 'born'. He was 18 months old or there abouts. He had spilled a bowl of cheerios and I asked him if he 'did that' (they were dry..no big deal) he said he knew I wasn't angry but right then - he got his 'shoulder angels'. one said "Tell her yes, she loves you." and one said "Tell her no so you don't get in trouble/disappoint" Right then he became aware of two very different stances he could take. With the sexuality - I think it can be the same way. There is a part in (I want to say all, but not to offend, I will say 'most') who may desire or be (turned on) by one thing that another part of us may be like "What?? uh-uh!". With systems...I think this dual thinking can actually more easily manifest into two people. I also see this where my son's system has a balance of male and female alters...and timid/shy/cautious vs more aggressive/unpredictable/'loud' alters...

Oh...one other thought...maybe this isn't a true 'split' but I'm learning that some alters were only created to help another alter...I think that is very interesting. they seem not to know anyone else in the system but the one they were created for...perhaps this is the same..??

sorry if this was rambling a bit.

To me it sounds like someone inside is figuring out that LC and Luna are a pair, a set. They go together somehow. Are they beginning to blend, preparatory to merging together? You could ask whoever keeps saying that if they can explain more about it. And then wait for an answer. You don't have to always figure everything out for yourself; let them do the thinking and report back to you.

Hi, this is Luna. And Lost Child. Both brought to you by L.C.! Haha. I'm sorry, we're a little high right now. Well if we weren't, we'd be f*#kin engulfed in anxiety. I'm f*#king engulfed in hunger. That's a first. You're never hungry. Shut up. Make me. Butch b*tch. Emo kiss-@$$.

We get along just fine. I swear.
Look! I found a twin! HA. Only twin by looks. The world doesn't need another you. Ha! Please. I'm older. You were trying to copy me. And obviously failed. You're not older! Am so. Whatever, we're the same age. I was born at 12:01.2am. You were born at 12:01.4am. You just made that up from what time Cassandra was born. So? In reality I'm still like one second older than you. So there.

Do you think Cassandra knows about who, you? Not yet. But she will? Only a matter of time, of course. Being high will help with anxiety and sh*t. So... another bowl? You read my mind.

I've been here a while haven't I? Yeah, probably. But I guess we were always shadowing each other so much that no one else really noticed. We didn't even really notice... No, we just were never allowed to remember any time that we ever figured sh*t out or saw each other or whatever. For whatever reason. And if that's true. Betcha it is. Well, it's nice to be back. Nice to be out in a body in reality ain't it? Wearing my clothes, my make up, listening to my music. Our music. The other girly sh*t's all your's, though. And smoking your pot. Ha ha, you wish you could bum bowls off me. It's your pot too so it's not like you're gettin ahead or gettin anything special. Oh shut up.

We should get goin'. Alright. Well, this has been Luna Crystal and Lost Child. Both brought to you by L.C.! Haha. Hah, later!

Lifelongthing, Sara2012, Hopeishere, and Una+, thank you so much for your thoughtful replies. They were definitely appreciated, and had a lot of helpful advice.

I tried asking anyone if they knew anything about the possible split, and then I tried contacting Luna directly. I guess I switched soon after, and it seems as though they decided to reply themselves. While learning to adjust to and accept Luna, I've been in the background for a bit and they've been fronting. (They seem to like this site, too ). I think they've also been fronting because Luna's been enjoying "having" a body again. Anyway, thanks for all your replies and support! They were helpful and again, appreciated.

An answer to your OP; yes. They can split into 2 parts. Source: my ex.

You two are amazing. I'm glad you found each other!

(Just realized I wanted to add a correction:

L.C. and Luna didn't split, they've always been there, but they've been shadowing each other and sorta "switching out" who was in front/visible so that they seemed like one person, who was sometimes girly and then sometimes boyish.

And I know that everyone's entitled to their beliefs, but for us, we've learned that "splitting" doesn't happen, that with DID we basically start out "split", and as we've come to find, there's bits of evidence all throughout our past/memories that show signs of everyone being here all along, just with different levels of obviousness and different paces of development and such.

Thread we found interesting, helpful, and informative:

-- Is there such a thing as splitting?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101763.html


-Cassandra)