Help me? -Possible trigger-

Hello my name is Andrew, I don't have DID. My fiance Shayla, has DID, cause of multiple abuse in the past. I love her with every fiber of my being, I also love and accept her alters. Some harder than others. But I care for them all. Now, I have had troubles in the past with protectors, very violent protectors...but they haven't shown up or have been "killed off" I guess. Recently thought, at night Shayla will transfer in, sometimes I little comes out, other times, I will be woken up with me being choked, beaten and kicked. This one is sort of strange, it doesn't speak, doesn't acknowledge me speaking to it, it will try to trick me to looking another direction and attempt to hit me. After hitting me, it will breathe very heavy, and try to swing at me again. I cannot tell if it's a fragment, or just pissed off at life overall that it just wants to hurt any living thing. I don't know what it's trigger is, also it won't go inside as easy as some others in the past who done the same thing.[ Normally I'd restrain them from hitting me and they would stop and go inside.] This one with fight back, and kick me thrash around just to get another hit at me. Like I said, I love her with all my heart, I'll never leave her, I've been with her for nearly 2 years now, and have met many nice, kind and sweet alters, and she as well is sweet and kind. What can I do when this one comes out?


PS : If I am not in the room and it comes out it will proceed to choke itself.

Hi Andrew. It sounds to me like Shayla's nonverbal alter who attacks you at night is trapped in a specific traumatic event in her life, re-enacting the event over and over again. This is typical of severe PTSD. If I had an alter in this much distress here is what I would do. ASAP I would enter a short term inpatient program in a hospital that has a unit devoted to treating trauma and dissociation, where the specialists will plan and carry out a custom treatment to help this alter. Going inpatient may not be feasible for Shayla at this time, so I will offer some other ideas that may help.

Is this alter coming out every night? If not, do you know what the trigger might be? You may be able to identify the trigger(s) by keeping a daily log of events for a few weeks. What Shayla eats, drinks, watches on TV, talks about, time of the month, day of the week, etc. There is always a reason why alters come out when they do. Look also for anniversaries: what happened in her childhood in the month of August?

Does Shayla have a therapist? Will Shayla give consent for her T to discuss her with you? Her T may be able to help you deal with this alter.

Perhaps others reading this, who have faced similar situations, will have additional ideas for you.

She left her last T not too long ago, but it doesn't come out very often, but when it does, I very well know it is. When is does come out, I'll take your advice on keeping a log for it. Up until now, I've just kept a long listed mental log on most of her Alters. Only 3 have which done this, the third being the most recent one. Most the time a little comes out to play, or talk to me, or the older Alters come out to spend time with me, enjoy my company, or do their own thing. So far, it's been under control, but this one seemed to widdle it's way out, for some reason. The only reason I can think it's out is the fact of her depression is on the fritz again, over friend drama. Yesterday she talked about wanting to be put in a mental illness home till she was better, but the closest mental home was recently shut down, for Improperly filling medicaid claims and changing files on patients. So, finding her a new T which she can trust may be hard, but maybe doable, depending if she can trust them enough. Her last one didn't believe in DID, Shayla mentioned it, and then her T instantly ended the session on her.


If it's alright, I can keep a log up here, so you can help me find out what to do, and if anymore information comes about this Alter, hopefully, the keeper can give some info, if they will, or know anything at all...

This site also allows for you to create journals in the therapy section if that would of any help to you too.

8/13/2012 Around 4:45 am what I nicknamed Chokey in my mind (no real name revealed, more likely won't be one.) got on top of me, attempted to choke me, I got it off me, then a little came out, then Shayla, then Shayla found out it came out again, freaked out, it came out again for round 2.


Possible Triggers : Depression, Anger at her mother, Pizza ( Both nights it came out we had Pizza that night). Possibly more triggers I could add but haven't thought or noticed any...

Llendar wrote:Possible Triggers : Depression, Anger at her mother, Pizza ( Both nights it came out we had Pizza that night). Possibly more triggers I could add but haven't thought or noticed any...

That's the idea. Good job! When this alter comes out, try to write down all you can remember of the day. What she ate. Where she went. What she did. What she talked about. So, not just anger at her mother but any story she related to you about her mother. Perhaps even what she wore. There is a pattern, and you will find it.

Hi Andrew! You sound like an awesome person, very supportive and understanding. It's great that you've been rolling with the punches and I hope this site continues to be helpful to you.

One thing I thought of while I was reading your post: is there any way you can try to make the environment calming for this alter? Like, is there anything that's used to help calm or comfort Shayla that could be tried to help this alter? Perhaps a happy song, a stuffed animal, a favorite blanket, a favorite sweater, safe rooms (like bedroom vs dining room), a favorite childhood movie, a calming lullaby? Are there any "warning signs" that you've noticed before this alter comes out? Such as, does Shayla go quiet, does a certain little come out, does Shayla become more irritable, etc. If so, perhaps there's some comforting foods that Shayla could eat or get out for this alter for them to eat? Try making the environment as comforting and safe as possible, see if that helps at all. Also, despite this alter not having reactions to you speaking to them, don't stop talking. Keep telling the alter that they are safe, it's ok, they're not in danger, you don't want to harm them, etc. Sometimes it can take a while for them to break through that in-the-moment mindset to actually hear what you're saying to them.

Not to sound extreme, but is there any safe possible way to restrain this alter so that they can't choke themselves, and to also have them in a separate room from you so that you're kept safe? I'm sure there's not many options to do that in a "home environment", so probably just ignore that.

I hope that you're able to figure out a pattern or trigger soon, and I hope that things calm down soon for you too! Definitely try to get into therapy. I know it can be hard to trust over and over again (I went through 4 counselors in 4 years), but I think of it like a poker game. You have to lay all your cards out on the table. If you don't, you might miss out on a winning hand, a good therapist. Because you're only hurting yourself if you close yourself off to helpful possibilities. It's hard to trust, but in the long run it's even harder to try and blaze a path by yourself.