Help! *TW: disturbing new alter*

There's so much to say I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start with a trigger warning. **Possible Trigger: Deals with a new violent alter, possibly disturbing imagery (however there is nothing sexual and no real self-harm)**

So, firstly, I should mention that I've been sick for nearly a week now with a bad chest cold which has made dealing with this new alter even more difficult (and it's why I haven't been on here for a bit). I just don't have the energy to process or figure anything out right now. But on to the real issue.

There's a new alter that first showed herself last Tuesday. I think she's been out twice since then; one time being last night. I lose time when she's out, but it's not black-out time loss; it's more like, we all get locked in away in a "room" or something. All information I have on her is from what my boyfriend Mike told me and from what I saw after she was out. Her name is Cassidy, and she's 8 years old. And she's very disturbing.

The first time Cassidy was out last Tuesday, she caused a lot of problems. She'd gotten into my sharpies and had scribbled all over our body and toenails with them, along with the x-box and the TV remotes. She'd also scribbled and blacked out the eyes of just about everything in her sight; a stuffed cow toy of Ray's, the Toy Story characters on Lynn's sippy cup, a plastic Tigger toy of Cassie's, a My Little Pony toy of Cassie's, Mike's sunglasses, Cassie's Avengers stickers on our sketch book; all of their eyes, and only their eyes, were completely blacked out.
My scissors were used by Cassidy as well and she ended up cutting and destroying things. She cut off the chewy part of Cassie's binky (Cassie wanted one because Lynn has one); the leg, arm, and ear of Ray's stuffed cow toy with the blacked out eyes were cut off; the tail and leg of Cassie's My Little Pony toy was cut off; and Cassie's Lion King bracelet was cut in half.
We were asleep when Mike got home and at a glance he didn't see the destruction and had simply thought that Cassie had drawn on herself out of boredom. Cassie was the one who was out when Mike woke us up, and she immediately burst into tears when she saw everything. Shortly after getting Cassie calmed down and cleaned up a bit, Mike got to meet Cassidy face-to-face.

Now, Mike's met "Hannibal", though briefly, and he's had Kat nearly knife him when she was Kataki, and he's never really been shook up by it. But I guess Cassidy is just plain creepy. He said he was uncomfortable and got shivers just from looking at her. I guess she has a very creepy smile and look in her eyes. He tried to talk to her at first, asking why she did what she did and trying to find out what she knows. Apparently she still believes that she's living at home with mom and dad, and thinks Mike is a babysitter. She hears no other voices in her head, and says she never has. Despite Mike telling her the truth of things, she refuses to believe it, and told Mike that our mom was alive and that he was stupid. (My mom has been dead for 10 years). And apparently, all the destruction she'd done was simply "play time" to her. Two things that really disturb me is the answers she gave Mike when he asked about why she cut up the stuffed cow toy and if she had killed the spider that he'd found still smooshed on the wall. Mike told me exact quotes of her answers. For the cow toy, she told him, "Isn't that what cows are for? To be butchered? Cut up for food like burgers?" And for the spider, she told him, "Yeah, I killed it. I got to watch its guts squish out." She had smiled while saying both things.
When Mike found that he was making no progress and that Cassidy couldn't be reasoned with, nor did she show any remorse for what she'd done, he got mad and threatened violence. Cassidy simply laughed at him, so out of anger he acted like he was going to hit her. She cowered from it, acting like she was going to cooperate, and then suddenly lunged at him, attempting to hit him. He put her down in a headlock quickly against the bed, and then suddenly Cassie was back out, confused and scared. He calmed her down, and then he and I had a long talk about what happened. I was very scared and felt so confused to find all this out, and I felt so sorry for Mike having to deal with all of this (I still feel sorry for him, I know it's not my fault but I still feel like it is).

Since then she's drawn "cuts" on my arms in red sharpie; she drew a large "cut" and blood across my neck in red sharpie; broken all of Cassie's crayons; drawn black eyes crying bloody tears on Cassie's small bubblegum machine; written "I want mom" and "take me home" all over the cover of our journal, leaving it for Mike to see; "hung" Cassie's beanie babies with ribbon that she found; put duct tape over the eyes of Cassie's stuffed animals; "clamped" the mouths of stuffed animals "shut" with old electrical clamps of Mike's (he's a mechanic); "hung" Ray's destroyed cow toy with my chain choker; ripped up a deck of cards that was mine; and had put on the movie "Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck" on Netflix. She also only laughed when Mike hit her last night in an attempt to either spark some fear in her or to "shock" me back up front (it was a pretty hard slap to the face, like how someone would slap a hysterical person to snap them out of it).

I'm at a complete loss of how to react to this, or how to even process it. Right now, to try and help minimize the damage she can do, Mike's removed and hidden all sharp objects from the room. We've hidden my sharpies and all of the most important stuffed animals. But, as she proved with the deck of cards, she can still find ways to be destructive. I don't know any of her triggers, and Mike already has an extreme hatred of her. I just have no idea about what to do... I thought about possibly checking myself into a hospital or something, but I have no insurance and I'm already in $2,000 worth of debt due to medical bills... That and I hate hospitals, huge trigger for me. Can anyone help me? Has anyone else had to deal with an alter like this? She's only been out like 3 times and has already caused so much damage and stress...

((Hugs if Wanted))
You have alot of things to consider.

Cassidy reminds me of alot Little Evil in my system. Even the laugh at Mike reminds me of how LE would laugh at Mom, it was a power play according to her though(and it would screw with mom's mind so bonus points). The stuff Cassidy did to the toys, man, brings back memories. Though not cool to ruin others toys and things.

I'm sorry it's so scary for you though. I just get reminded of my darker alter who's just a five year old who's seen to much violence, and acts out. Though I like her, and she has a bit of a dark humor.

From what I recall, the only thing that helped was intensive therapy years ago, I don't really remember the therapy so I don't think I can help there, I just remember the T saying that I hide my sadness with anger. I do remember that I couldn't trigger the T to react, and he was the only person to show any compassion for years. So I really don't endorse violent behavior or hitting to stop negative behavior as you are only proving that you are unsafe like how she may have triggered. Like she may be pushing a button, then after a while you react, then she says, aha! I knew you were like x, y, z.

Is there anyway you can get the bills waived a bit or something? Sometimes it really helps to get advice from an outsider to deal with other people, I'm talking to Cassidy. I know for me it helped, and the T helped me see how to best react, to get people to respond how I want rather than freaking them out.

All the best.

Wow! That is a lot to deal with. Are you seeing a T right now? If you contact your state's Human Services Department, you can find sliding fee/free therapy. If you live in Portland, Oregon, contact NARA (Native American Rehabilitation Association). I had a good experience with them, I paid nothing.

It must have been terrifying for your bf to encounter Cassidy. However, I think threatening violence, and hitting/slapping is not a good idea. There are reasons behind all Cassie's behaviors, and time and introspection will help reveal them. It is okay if your bf is disturbed by Cassie, but I'd recommend he not engage in fighting with her. Perhaps you can arrange for an alter to care for her on the inside? Or someone on the inside to keep an eye on her without restraining her? We have tried restraining alters in the past, and it only works temporarily, and causes mayhem between system members. What works best for us is inner cooperation. Cassie does not believe now that she is in a safe place, but I think that she can be convinced in time. Let her know that destroying other people's things is not okay, and perhaps get her her own possessions to have the freedom to express herself upon. Harmless objects, of course. I think it's a good idea to hide problematic objects. I think Cassie will open up faster if she is not judged. She may react rebelliously to reprimanding, in fact, this may be part of her reason for creation; to fight against cruel authority. This is all speculation. Asking Cassie may be a better route to these answers. I have a tendency to speculate without asking my alters, but I think speculation as well as questioning helps eventually provide me with answers.

Sorry for going off on a bit of a tangent. I wish you the best.

PS. I remembered a situation in my own life, that is very different, but hopefully will be of some guidance. I had an SO who also had DID and one of her alters spent $60 of our money, but wouldn't tell us on what. So we allotted her an "allowance" to spend, but she didn't have to tell us on what. This way, she could still have her privacy, without stealing money. She was so pleased that we offered up this idea.

Cassidy reminds me of a 'part' of mine I've just found out more about. I've lacked the courage to post about her, but reading your post has convinced me I should. Anyway, back to you Are you sure Cassidy is 8, and not a younger child pretending to be 'bigger and scarier'? I only ask because a lot of that acting out behaviour sounds like how a much younger child would behave. Toddlers and pre-schoolers have no comprehension of other people's belongings, or of not cutting things up, drawing on things, etc. They also can seem to show little compassion about 'hurting' toys, insects, etc. Parents often have to teach a young child to be 'gentle' with a teddy or doll, to teach them about compassion/empathy and the fact that other 'creatures' have feelings. For example, if they are expecting a new baby they try to teach the older child to be gentle with dolls, so that they learn to be gentle and not hurt the new baby when it arrives. And if a young child has seen violence or been exposed to things they shouldn't be, they will act that out without understanding the consequences. Also, Cassidy's laughing when Mike became angry sounds like my (real life) toddler. He'll hit me in the face, throw things, etc. and if I get angry or exasperated he thinks it's funny and a great game. It can be infuriating. And the way she cowered when Mike threatened her, then mirrored the behaviour back to him again sounds like how a toddler would behave. They'll pick up and mimic adult actions without understanding what they mean.

I can imagine that Cassidy must seem scary to deal with, but it sounds to me that that's exactly what she wants - to seem scary. She may well be really frightened in reality, and needing some reassurance. Ignore all this if it's not useful, though, it's just my impression from what you wrote. Best of luck. Welcome to Cassidy, too

Thank you all so much for your replies! They're really appreciated.
Before I reply to each of you, I'd like to make something clear: I don't approve of violence either, and I had a talk with Mike about how he'd handled the situation. I understand that he feels strong hatred for her, I understand that this has been stressful for him, and I understand the urge to want to hurt someone that you have so much anger towards. So I don't blame him for hitting Cassidy. But he does know that from now on, he's to try and simply wait it out. He won't be the one "throwing the first punch", so to speak. He can use any means necessary to defend himself if Cassidy is violent towards him, but she has to start it. Mike's been an amazing SO to me, and I just wanted to make sure people didn't start thinking badly about him. If I was him, I'm pretty sure I would've hit Cassidy too.


Borg: Thank you for the hugs. There's no ways for me to get the bills waived, they won't even put a stop to the collecting interest despite the fact that I have no way to pay them right now. Even when I told them that I wanted to pay what I owed and that I was jobless, they told me to borrow it from someone like my boyfriend. When I told them that my boyfriend was using all of his money to support me, they said there was nothing they could do. Thank you for sharing about Little Evil, though. It helps knowing that I'm not alone with my (new) experiences.


doe-eyed: Thank you! I'll certainly take a look at the NARA and will look into contacting the Human Services Department.
That's the problem; so far no one's been able to establish contact with Cassidy. We don't even know where she is and we don't feel her at all; she's like "Hannibal" that way. When Mike tried to reason with her the first time, he tried explaining to her that it wasn't ok to destroy things, especially when they belonged to other people. But she didn't seem to care. She also either doesn't know about us or refuses to believe that she's not the only one in the body. I don't think she can hear us, because she said she's never heard any voices. So I don't think there's a way for me to ask her questions. Even if I wrote notes to her, I doubt she'd answer them or take them seriously. That, and she'd probably think the notes are from Mike.
Giving Cassidy her own stuff though is a good idea. Cassie had a similar idea; she told Mike that she was going to get together an old sketch book and old colored pencils to give to Cassidy, that way if she destroyed them it wouldn't be a big deal. Cassie even put them all in a bag that she doesn't use anymore and put it out for Cassidy to see if she comes out. I hope it helps.


Owleyes: I'm glad that my post helped you to find the strength to post yourself. She said she was 8 to Mike, but next time she's out I'll see if he can talk to her more and make sure that she's 8. He said that she certainly seems to be 8, she just seems to not care about what she does. Thank you for the ideas, though. New perspectives are always helpful, even if they turn out to not be true. I definitely think that how she destroys things and such are hiding other emotions, but I also think that she knows what she's doing. Thanks for the welcome, it means a lot to me and I'll try to pass it on somehow.