What to do?

OK, this is my first post and i'm not sure if I should be on here or what, but here goes.... Recently i've had alot of thoughts racing through my head, uncontrollable ones and many strange experiences... i've never been diagnosed with anything, and until fairly recently i never thought much was wrong with me. Iike most on here, i've had my fair share of bad experiences, worst being sexually abused when i was young by a family member, i've always avoided talking about it for obvious reasons. Nearly all of my childhood memories are bad ones. My dad beating my mum, and then turning on me. I always remember so often getting up out of bed because my mum was screaming and shouting and I would always run to protect her, usually it would result in me running from my dad and trying to lock myself in the bathroom or get out the house, if he got me, he was never scared to hit me a few times. I remember alot of stupid stuff like running away from home and trying to hang myself a few times. But as I say, these are the memories I remember most about my childhood. Sometimes I convince myself i'm ok and don't need help getting over some of my experiences, but sometimes I kind of breakdown, they all come back to me and even when i'm having a fairly normal day, i might have to go somewhere to have a little sob about the sexual abuse (this was 17/18 years ago), I know troubled pasts and experiences cause DID, and i've never ruled it out, but yet i dont know AT ALL if i've got it, I'm sure theres something there but have never been able to pin point it. My mind always strays, i sometimes switch feelings/personalities very quickly. Reason i'm here; Last night I tried to talk to my mind to see if anything happens (if anyone is actually there) wierdly enough, something kind of did. I read on here about the 'electric shock' feeling. I kind of felt that, maybe liked id switched i guess, but that was it i think, i wasn't really able to communicate at all. I would much appreciate some advise about sorting this out, I don't know if I need councilling or to try and communicate more with myself? Should I try to learn more about if first or seek help? I don't want to waste someones time if theres nothing wrong with me... I might just be paranoid? i dont know... little help please?... thank you

After all you went through as a child, your feelings are never a waste of time weather you have DID, DD-NOS, PTSD or something else.

To ease your mind talk to a therapist! I was going nuts trying to figure out what was wrong with me until I got her nod - of yeah.. that's it.

Also keep trying to communicate and work on it. Learn all you can about dissociation.

Welcome to the group!!!!

I would suggest getting into therapy because no matter what the name of what you have is, there are obviously things that you need help dealing with. You can still learn more about it while trying to get some help. I would also suggest looking into a few other things. PTSD is something that many trauma survivors are diagnosed with, and though many of the symptoms are different to what you've described it may be something else that you are dealing with. I would also suggest looking into borderline personality disorder, bi-polar and dissociative disorders - all three of those will cause what feels like a switch in personality and changes in feelings.

You're not wasting anyone's time by getting into therapy. When you need help, and can get it, do. Don't suffer needlessly (:

Read more, post more, but also seek help. Look for a therapist with experience treating childhood trauma and dissociation.

I agree with what the people above me have been saying. You're definitely not a waste of anyone's time! The amount of trauma you have been through is sure to have left some issues. However we can't help you with a diagnosis. We can only help you with issues you might have or give you our opinions on what we think might be going on. The best thing you can do is get a therapist. Whether or not you have DID, a therapist can help you cope with all the trauma you've been through and make sure it might get easier. It can help a lot just to be able to talk to someone about all the bad stuff that has happened to you, so you don't have to carry that burden all by yourself.

You can do some more research on the disorders someone else suggested. Don't do to much research as you will be tempted to diagnose yourself and might end up doing worse because of it. So do some more research and at the same time if you can then get a therapist. The people on this board are a great help and when you need anything we'll be here for you!

So sorry for what you went through - no child deserves that
I agree with the previous posters, DID is a very complex disorder and can have similar symptoms to other disorders so it is always best to seek professional help, describe your symptoms and maybe (if you feel ready to) some of your past experiences and see what they come up with.
Then maybe when you get some sort of diagnosis, you could look into things more and see if it fits what you're going through? You're not wasting anyone's time, people on here will always be here to listen to you and send support and it is better to understand things going on in your mind for yourself then worry about it alone!
Take Care,
K

OK, so firstly thank you to you all. Very kind, considerate responses I will do exactly what you've all suggested. Learn more about disorders, post more on here about my progress and update you all on anything that happens. With regards to finding a therapist, how do I go about that? Where should I search? I have no problem talking to a stranger/therapist about what i've experienced and been through, I just find it very hard to explain sometimes like my whole childhood is such a blur. All I would be able to do is point out the facts. I'm not so sure it's DID, maybe it's more PTSD or personality disorder... my mood swings are sometimes quite extreme and only the other day I lashed out and shouted at one of my best friends, never have I been violent until the other day. I don't want to do that...

Try these 2 places to start....


http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/r ... search.php
Search for things like ptsd, dissociative disorders, etc...
For instance mine lists:

Specialties
Trauma and PTSD
Dissociative Disorders

Mental Health:
Dissociative Disorders


http://isst-d.org/find-a-therapist/disc ... rapist.htm
Email them and ask for a trauma trained therapist in your area.

The same therapist was on the list given to me here.

I wouldn't be able to tell you how to find a therapist as I'm in the UK, but sounds like the response above would be pretty helpful to you
A good therapist will be patient with you, so if things come out a bit confused and blurred, it shouldn't matter to much. It's also common to just point out facts - it's usually refered to as 'reporter mode' where people can just go through facts where you try not to emotionally relate to it because it feels easier, it's normal dw
Good luck!

That first link was really helpful for me. I think I may actually try to take the steps needed to look for a therapist. Even if I don't go often (because I can't really afford it), it would be nice to try again. Thanks for posting the links tylas .