Safety plans

My therapist says the goal is to fix me, not my environment, make me more stable so that I am safe and secure without needing to change my environment. Of course. I am working on that but I need to stay safe until I get there.

I need a safety plan for driving. I need this because I live in an area where randomly driving somewhere is not safe, because I may have my small children with me, because I already know that I sometimes lose time while driving somewhere new, and because I suspect the alter who came out during my most recent lost time is a young child alter that is entirely walled off from me.

Driving presents risks for many of us. Tylas wears headphones and sings while driving to keep from switching. Wearing headphones while driving is not safe, because the headphones reduce environmental sounds. In some jurisdictions, it is also illegal and if observed you can get a ticket. Like me, Carpediem46 worries that a very young child alter could come out while driving. Watching&waiting is being pressured to start driving. Here is an old thread from this forum about DID related mishaps while driving: dissociative-identity/topic15782.html

Some parts of my plan:

• Prevent trouble
  • Have someone ride with me to therapy.
  • Have selected music or other audio to help me stay grounded.
  • Use a hands-free device with cell phone, and call someone to talk and help me stay grounded.
  • Establish internal communication and stability, and agreement that no child alter will drive.
• Help myself get out of trouble
  • In the past I have had to relocate myself so often that I own local, regional, and continent road atlases that "live" in the car. I can update and maybe expand the collection.
  • Keep at least a 1 day supply of potable water in the car.
  • Keep additional seasonally appropriate survival gear in the car.
  • Keep a cell phone charger in the car.
  • Keep the car in good repair.
• Help others find me
  • Leave a note or call my husband whenever I go out, giving what time I leave, where I plan to go, when I plan to return. Check in with him when I return. If I don't check in, he is to try to reach me then call the police.
  • A cell phone with GPS chip can be used by 911 dispatchers to locate me, if I have it with me.
  • I could install a radio beacon in my car. This does not require cooperation from 911 dispatchers.

Other ideas?

This is the opposite of me.. my kids know how to drive, I haven't the faintest idea...
I won't be getting a license until I'm sure I'm safe to drive.

If you can't wear headphones, can you play your mp3 player or radio?
Maybe have your voice recorded and playing with instructions and gentle music, like "keep focused" and "you're safe"
Keep a gps system in your car so you can find your way back.
Pull over to the side of the road momentarily if you feel as if you're dissociating and ground yourself a little.
Don't get into the car when you are in a bad mood.

Some stuff I noticed helps me, un-car-related

Leaving a note with time, destination, cell number, what to do in case I don't come back
Have someone else drive me or go with me (I have had many 'escorts' take me places, I never go
anywhere alone on a bad day)
Have one of your alters back you up in case something goes wrong (I have someone who is better
at regaining control of the system, if I can't come back and someone else takes over, he grabs control
and makes sure I get there safely)

Radio lately has been triggering for me. Too many love songs stir up obsessive longing for someone. I don't have an audio player device, but could see about getting one.

Where I live, relying on a GPS for navigation is asking for trouble. Recall what happened to James Kim and his family?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Kim

We have gradually been teaching everyone in the system to drive by using co-presence when we are able...

Another suggestion that I've had in place for years...

If you are driving somewhere regular, keep the same route every time you go there. Using co-presence you can gradually teach other parts the way. That way if someone feels an amnestic part starting to push through, a stronger part can take over and will already know what route to take.

Keep your keys in the same place all the time. Develop a routine of always holding them as you get out of the car, then put them away in a regular place (pocket etc). Also you can buy these little things that you can probably work out how to attach a key ring too. The things have batteries in them and beep when you clap. So if someone misplaced the keys when they are outside of the car, you can clap to find them. Sorry I can't remember what they are called...

I use iPhone maps if I'm lost. Just pull over and use it to find out where you are and it will plan a route for you to your destination. It keeps track of where you are like GPS but it doesn't talk to you, you need to pull over to look at it. I also use the calendar on the iPhone to write where I am supposed to be, then put notes up reminding anyone who's out to check the calendar and go to those events.

Your plans sound fantastic by the way. Very well thought out.

You've got very well thought out plans there.

To keep us safe while driving, all the alters (including myself) know how to drive. If a little is driving, then there is a big keeping an eye on things to make sure we stay safe and get to where we are meant to be going. If you can, it might improve your safety to ensure that all alters who can take control know how to drive.

I am obsessed with being prepared for any emergency, especially with bushfires getting closer and closer to suburbia every year around here. What's in the boot of my car is definitely OTT, but I have a wagon so I have the space for it. I would suggest you add to yours: a little more water in case the radiator or windscreen wipers need filling; anti-freeze if you live in a snowy area; engine oil; clutch/brake fluid; a fully stocked first aid kit, including a space blanket; a fully stocked tool kit; a book on car maintenance and dealing with basic car problems (unless you already know what to do and most the alters know too). There are plenty of things you can keep that will do double-duty, too. For example, I keep a picnic blanket in the boot of my car - great for impromptu picnics and beach trips, but also great if I've broken down on the side of the road when it's cold and I'm waiting for help. The water is another one - always having drinkable water in the car means you won't dehydrate and you can top up some of the fluids in your car.

In your map books, it might be worth putting some kind of mark where you live, and one of those post-it tabs on that page. That way if an alter ends up out who doesn't know where to go, there's a higher chance of them at least heading towards home rather then away from it.

Those key finders work very well - a little too well usually. They will beep when you drive and go through a pothole or over a bump, when the keys tap against your knee during the drive, when you put your handbag down, when someone sneezes... pretty much as often as they can get away with it. But you absolutely will never be able to lose those keys!

pheonixrise wrote:Those key finders work very well - a little too well usually. They will beep when you drive and go through a pothole or over a bump, when the keys tap against your knee during the drive, when you put your handbag down, when someone sneezes... pretty much as often as they can get away with it. But you absolutely will never be able to lose those keys!

The way you wrote that has me in stitches. You are so on the money with that remark! Hehehe...

Wow, you people are just like me. I am extremely compulsive about my keys, actually about most of my stuff. Until recently I have always kept everything highly organized, everything in its place and a place for everything. If I put something down in a random place I usually cannot find it without searching for hours, because I just don't remember. Keys live in a specific place in my house, unless they are in my pocket. Always the same pocket. I have clips or safety pins on the key rings too, for the rare times I wear something sans pocket. I wear a waist pack containing my phone, glasses, etc.

Okay, in the short term I definitely need someone to escort me to therapy sessions, until I get a handle on my system.

I like your plan. I already have some of those things in place. Our car also has lojack, so it can be located in that way. In addition, I will not listen to the radio, but only CDs with expected songs on them. I didn't even realize I was doing this at first, but it reduces the potential of random triggering. A friend on another forum I visit suggested grounding at each stop-light, but I usually am on the freeway, especially on the way to therapy. Talking out loud to everyone when I am getting a lot of "chatter" can help, especially if I'm talking about where we're going, what to expect, things I see on the road. In general, I am just trying not to drive if I can help it at all. My main problem is the place I absolutely have to drive right now is therapy and that is the time when I'm under the most stress and likely to blank out.

Una+ wrote:Until recently I have always kept everything highly organized, everything in its place and a place for everything. If I put something down in a random place I usually cannot find it without searching for hours, because I just don't remember.

Yep same... Can be pretty problematic to just randomly put something down...

Una+ wrote:Keys live in a specific place in my house, unless they are in my pocket. Always the same pocket.

We've got lots of routines like that too...