I am so annoyed with my husband

Ok, I am probably going to get yelled at by Frank, but so be it. Ok, so my husband has another therapist, this one specialized is dissociative disorders. She has informed him, after one visit that she doesn't believe that he has DID, but that she thinks that he has Dissociative Trance Disorder. WTF? I wouldn't mind this so much, if it didn't make my husband go back into denial. He says he doesn't know what to believe and he's not going to accept any label until he has proof. He says that he believes that he has a dissociative disorder, but he is not sure of which. Proof? I don't know what more he is looking for. I haven't read about one DD that describes him to a T like DID. He said to me "if I have DID, why can't I talk to the alters? why don't they respond to me"? I told him of a time where I could remember one of them did respond to something he said, in his head, and he told me about it. Anyway, the headaches, the mirror avoidance, the personality/identity changes, the pushed back, the OBVIOUS ALTER SWITCH, memory loss...just to name a few.

So now I feel like we are back at square one again. I KNOW that he has this disorder, but it is so frustrating for someone to come in, after I have been here for 9 years, and in 1 hour, place doubt back into his head. Huuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh, and he won't even read or research anything about DID, he refused to do that from the beginning...so what do I do now??

I have never heard of Dissociative Trance Disorder before... is that therapist sure she doesn't mean Dissociative Fugue? (but even then, I wouldn't think a fugue disorder is what your husband has by the sounds of it.)

Anyway. Denial's a natural part of any mental disorder, so jus dont press him for answers. as long as you're both getting on ok thats all that matters.

Next time he switches, just video tape him and show the tape to him when he switches back. Denial's a bitch, sorry to break that to ya. Also what the crap is Dissociative Trance Disorder? Is his therapist just making up disorders?

I have never heard of Dissociative Trance Disorder, I would ask her to show that to you in the DSM IV, and if she can't back it up, or you can't find any info on it, I wouldn't trust her. Find someone else. MY psychiatrist was recommended to me as a "dissociative disorder specialist" and when I got there, she had no idea what to do with me, and didn't believe me. They claim, but don't know.

I agree with Bates. tape him. That is what my roommate did to me/us.

If he isn't willing to do the work, he's just asking to get jerked around. Why doesn't he take some responsibility for himself and start working on it. It pisses me off when people just piss around and expect other people to fix them. ###$, its your own life, if youwant to feel better, do something about it!

You are such a caring and patient wife, I honestly don't know how you handle it when he refuses to do the work. If I were you I would have beat some sense into him a long time ago!

Good Luck,
~Grace

Thanks all for replying!

DeliaH- I have never heard of Dissociative Trance Disorder either, so I researched it and what a surprise, there isn't much of anything on it. It talked about going into trances, which does happen when you have DID, if I am not mistaken , but it doesn't have any other symptoms. I am trying not to press him for anything, but I feel like a years worth of stress and trying to understand him is wasted. But, I do understand that having a mental disorder, and alters that are deceptive, can cause a lot of denial. I just thought that we were past that part.


Hey Bates-That is a great idea I am going to do that. But the hard part is going to get him to watch the video. Any attempt that I make to help him, he perceives as me trying to "fix" him. We often chat on IM, when he is at work and we have gotten into some pretty heated arguments where alters have taken over. And, it was clear that there was an alter there, to me and him, but again he refuses to go back and read ANY of those conversations to reassure himself that DID IS what he has. "His only reason is I can't talk to them, they don't communicate with me." Unfortunately she is the only therapist in our area that "specializes" in Dissociative Disorders and he actually like her so I couldn't convince him to see someone else, anyhow. Well, I'll TRY to continue to be patient with him, but after everything that I have been through with him, my patience is transparent, at the moment.

Lark- I agree with you completely. I am really tired of trying to get him to help himself and to make himself knowledgeable about this disorder, but he is refusing. Thank you so much for the compliment, but given that my husband(alter) had an affair, I have not been the easiest to deal with. But, it is easier for me when he is more excepting and not acting as if the whole affair happened because of himself and not the alter.

I'm hoping that i could figure out some more on this comment. I've never heard oh mirror avoidance before and always wondered why i hated mirrors so much. But OBVIOUS ALTER SWITCH? I think i know cause after being more in tune with this i see(i think) what the other personality does. ex. acts out like a tv show character, make sense?
Just wondering from someone that sees this, my husband doesn't say much but the more i can learn, may be the more 'i' can be in control.
"just to name a few" are there more signs you can see?

Shadow, thanks for replying! Since I am the wife with someone who has DID(and is back in denial) I can tell you what I have seen or heard from him or his alters. My husband would avoid looking in the mirror, say, if he were washing his hands, he wouldn't look at himself because he didn't look like himself. And, there was one night that he made himself stand there and look and he begin switching( and convulsing) right before his eyes. I was standing there with him and he didn't look much different to me, but he was freaked out by the different looks. Other symptoms, that my husband experiences, are headaches, insomnia, light/sound sensitivity, nightmares, voices that talk to each other(and him, although he doesn't accept that), he startles easily, under extreme stress, he convulses when listening to certain music(dark, rock)as, well as in his sleep, he has out of body experiences, and if I get up in the middle of the night(and the room is dark) whatever alter is there gets really scared and looks around, but never seems to know that it's me. The last thing happens frequently but my husband never recalls this. Anyway, these are just some of the consistent things that go on with my husband.

OMG, Thank you for answering. I’m trying to play tricks on myself and see if I can switch on command, ah do you know? Someone here said, to say wait to an alter, and it helped.
Not working yet but I have hope. I hate the fact that part of me wants to die and I’m going to loss, I have to do something. Another part, is mad and wants to change everything but I’m afraid this will be at the expense of my husbands feeling and mine too after I feel like me. I’m so frustrated, confused, and lost yet Theresa piece that knows all and I want so bad to nourish that part and HOPE with all my might I can hold on to it longer. When I look into the mirror I see me only so different, it doesn’t look like me
But doesn’t look like ‘Jane’ either.
And now even worse, half my face does a Picasso thing (split). Thing is, I see me still, sorta (ya I know I’m not good at explaining myself).
Does your husband see different people in the mirror?
Does he do better with life in general if he accepts that he has DID?
How can you tell an alter is out if he did convulse, or is he always so obvious?
My husband thinks I have issues and major mood swing but now I think he can even see the confusion in my face/eyes. Do you see this?
I hope your husband admits to himself soon again, for both your sake.

Hey Shadow! Well, my husband can't switch on command or "allow" the others to come up front willing, which is another reason that he is convinced that he doesn't have DID. When he looks at himself, if he is an alter, he looks differently to himself...he even mentioned his voice sounding differently to himself. Well, life with my husband has been so difficult. We have been off and on for the past 9 years because of it. But, about 1 year ago, he(alter) had an affair, and that major disruption in our marriage finally brought the DID to light( even though after seeing this new therapist he's back in denial). I can only tell that an alter is out if he is acting in extremes, i.e. cursing and he doesn't curse, or overly sexual, or really playful, etc. I can also tell if my husband has switched if his mood changes or he answers with one words answers, and I ask him "what's wrong" and he replies "nothing". At these times, i know that something isn't right because if it's him and he is just moody and I ask that question, he'll say "I have a headache, or I am tired", or something to that effect. Also, my husband eyes do different things when he is different alters. I haven't thought about keeping track of this, in relation to his mood, but I think that I will now. Sometimes, one eye gets lazy, one eye gets really small, one gets really big, or both will get big, or really small, or they will remain normal. It's not easy at all to tell the difference between him and the others(except the really extreme ones), but looking at him, I can see something is different. I hope that this helps you a bit.