Resurrecting Dead Alters (Includes Triggers)

Does anyone have experience or insight about how dead alters are handled/healed/managed/resurrected/anything? Has anyone here ever had a dead alter or still have one?

I'm wondering because I haven't been able to find much information on this, and personal accounts of dealing with this seem to be scarce. I could be wrong but just haven't had a ton of luck in my searching.

I am fairly convinced that we have a dead alter in our system, and I am starting to suspect that a lot of our massive 'life interruptions' might be coming from this "dead" alter.

It seems like every other alter experience that I am aware of, serves a relatively straightforward purpose and also responds to specific stimuli at least most if not all of the time.

Yet there also seems to be one that surfaces almost randomly, and seems to have very confused/erratic thinking and

(TW Beyond This Point)
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is fixated on dying / being dead, but not even the typical misery/despair/escape theme that I associate with suicide. Rather it's almost like a 'supposed to be this way' sort of thing.

However I know we had an experience with a suicide attempt roughly 7 years ago, as I believe the body was 19 based on various clues.

I don't remember ever making a decision to commit suicide or thinking about it, nor what lead up to it, or any planning, or anything like that. But I do remember watching, as though the body was possessed, as it consumed a massive amount of dangerous pills, definitely enough to cause cardiac failure. I also watched in snippet-scenes as most of the event unfolded. I watched the body 'die' on a bathroom floor. I won't go into unnecessary graphic details, but it was as though she definitely died.

However I also experienced 'witnessing' a conversation (it's very hard to describe because it was a conversation that did not involve the five senses, there was nothing to see or hear, but it was definitely a conversation).

One part, perhaps the host at the time (I have no idea) was communicating with another part. Maybe other parts were also witnessing this alongside me, but I don't know. It was such a grave yet deep situation and it was all extremely confusing at the time. But Part A (presumably the one who had committed suicide) made a deal of sorts with Part B, who had an almost deity-like persona, and the concluded terms of this deal were that the body would live, but the life would thereafter belong to Part B, in exchange for rescuing the body.

Honestly at the time I interpreted it as some kind of supernatural / spiritual experience. I had no idea what else to make of it and never told any therapists about it, since it's like supernatural things are off-limits unless you're looking for a schizophrenia label or something. (My personal perception over the years, not a fact.)

I know that (in retrospect now, of course, at the time and thereafter I had no idea what to make of any of it) whichever part took over was able to make a call on a cell phone, we wound up in an emergency room and somehow we survived. The doctor gave us a huge, harsh lecture on how we were lucky to be alive and how based on the blood work we were lucky not to have serious organ damage. The only remaining damage was that our heart took a hit and has been a bit sensitive ever since.

The fact that the body survived and without serious damage, despite all of those pills and the blood work, the way the doctor in the ER seemed to be in almost disbelief and responded with a flustered attitude, and then the seemingly supernatural conversation and 'deal' - all of it left me with the secret impression that something divine/spiritual/supernatural had taken place. So again I never mentioned it to any professionals.

After the event in the ER it's like I completely forgot about it, like it never happened. It was never mentioned again by anyone, not even me, for years afterwards, and I can't remember what life was like at all for an unknown chunk of time after that day/night. I can't remember going home from the ER, either. I just remember vividly the experience itself, like every little detail down to my mother talking to me in the room and the heart monitor going all over the place, etc.

I do also know that it seems like the person I was before the incident never came back. The interests, bonds, views, priorities, etc it seemed that I had never came back. It seemed like a lot of superficial things - yet normal young woman things - just 'fell off' and were eventually replaced by a very gloomy, brooding and serious demeanor, focused way more on lots of deeper and more serious stuff and with little interest in friendship, romance, etc, as well.

I honestly can't remember exactly when I remembered that I had once nearly committed suicide. it still comes and goes to this day.

Now that I've learned about DID and have been trying more in earnest to figure myself and my past out, I am wondering if there are actually explanations for that "supernatural" experience years ago. Again, wondering if the "deity" like figure was actually an alter, maybe a much deeper, manager type, like an ISH, that came out only to save the body or something. Also perhaps my sense of time was jacked up (as often happens regardless), so maybe the event was much shorter or longer than I was aware, so maybe it wasn't all that crazy or miraculous, really, that I did survive.

But the internal conversations we've been having lately, have really started to lead me to think that we have a former host who is now a dead alter. The irritable, cynical protector in our system has insisted/explained more than once that (legal name) is dead and has been dead for 7 years. This is their explanation as to why/how we have no anchored, core sense among ourselves and why we get that "everything and so nothing" complex going on.

Basically I've been told that our host is dead, and that's why we're screwed.

But I have seen dead alters mentioned in lists of "types of alters" and such, and so I think there is still hope here. I'm just not sure how one goes about 'resurrecting' a 'dead' alter/host.

Anastasia died after she had a run in with our mother. Now me and Sam are co-Host I am sorry I can't be more help.
~Kay

I never read any stories about the system's Host-personality dying (though I'm sure it's still possible). I can only image how horribly problematic that must be for your system if your original host has passed.

**Trigger Warning**

Many, many Years ago I had a serious crisis and depression, even moments where I contemplated suicide. I don't recall much during that time in my life, but I feel it wasn't specifically alter-related as much as just Bipolar-related. And the only "dead"-Alter I have happened before I hit that really rough-patch in my life. Our first Little/middle K.. Early mixed Medication-trials were what seemed to be the cause for her to "die", something F. and I will never forget. It didn't seem painful to her though (at least I hope it wasn't).

I don't remember what we were doing that day, but I do remember that the weeks before it she had grown less and less active, almost "lethargic". She didn't want to move from her room in the inner-world, or speak to anyone or play. So the others went on with their daily activities. Suddenly, I stopped whatever I was doing. (for some reason I think I was making arts & crafts), and it was like the whole inner confines of our mind turned bleak and grey. And K. was just standing there, very exhausted-looking, she mustered up the strength to smile at us and waved her hand very weakly. She said nothing. Then she just sorta... disintegrated/faded away. The "aura" about our system even felt like a part of our soul had passed on.

Even after therapy with a DID-specialist, they couldn't bring her back, suggesting that either her time/reason to be was just "over", or if she's meant to return, she'll find her way back to us (or even be reborn). Hypothetically, going off my medications for a certain period of time may revive her, but it's far too risky (not to mention Dangerous) to find out.

Regardless, since most of my current-Atlers are newer than the time when K. was alive, they don't know what it was like to have her around. But sometimes at night I find F. restlessly pacing back & forth in the background of our system. For some reason, she took the loss the hardest, sometimes even muttering, blaming herself for the little's death. (She'll sometimes start shouting and blaming Me as well, because I took the prescription meds that damaged & "poisoned" our system in the first place, though I kinda didn't have a choice in the matter.)
Originally I was unaware she and K. had even been so close. (I later learned they had a very strong "big-sis/little-sis" bond.) But, this could also be one of the reasons F. became so cold, bitter, and abusive to the system for many years and only recently she's started to come back out of her shell, possibly (slowly) coming to terms with K.'s death. It's been 13+ years, at least.

(Edit: I was honestly hoping to trigger some of my Alters while writing this post, and dig up more information about our past, but T. has informed me that most of our system members are already sleeping for the night. I didn't realizes how late it already was.)

I think of my dead alter as a really good thing in some ways, but in other ways I worry that he knew a lot about our possible trauma and took that with him when he went.
Pascoe was the sort of inner victim, I believe. He was a very tortured alter that would write about certain abuse constantly and let himself be used and harmed by others. It was almost like he enjoyed being being physically hurt because of some terrible conditioning.
Anyway, most of what I know about him comes from his ex, who seemed to think treating me horribly was what I wanted. And closer to his death, a lot of people around me seemed to think that I was always sick. People recounted that (whenever he was out) I could barely function, cried at the drop of a hat, and seemed to be in pain. Another alter let me know that he'd died of some cancer-like affliction.
I feel that it's good in the sense that I'm stronger without him. None of the others will let themselves be walked over or harmed. We don't allow ourselves to get guilted into things or easily hurt.
The other alter that was Pascoe's protector/lover disappeared as well. I think he comes back occasionally, but only briefly and I don't think he's the same.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I don't think or know if the dead alter is the original or if we have an original, but I do believe it was the host at the time.

Several things just came together very rapidly and suddenly recently. I was hit with remembering that I had posted somewhere on here - or someone from our system did - asking where the alter who had been in love with the ex who died - where she was when we found out the ex had died, since there was no emotional reaction to it at all.

The memory of writing that on this website somewhere popped up in my mind, and then someone co-conscious said it's because she was dead.

And now I have this full-circle conversation thing mulling in on itself from our cynical, irritable protector (formerly our "angry one" but I've come to understand her a little better), explaining that the host at the time died and has been dead this whole time, and that we have no host.

Two issues on it, though:

1. I don't know if our host from then was actually the suicidal one or caved under influence from / loss of control to a really messed up child alter, and then 'lost their job' due to an inability to ward off this suicidal child alter. OR if the host actually became suicidal.

2. If it's the former then I have a suicidal child alter AND a dead alter, and if it's the latter then I have a mystery of how/why a seemingly happy/social host seemingly-abruptly committed suicide.

I also don't know who Part B is. It's all pretty flustering because the protector should be able to tell me this stuff but tends to keep everything on a 'need to know' basis.

Our Logic alter has also been missing lately. It's just been myself and this cynical, irritable one having internal communications. Yet I still seem to be at somewhat analytical. I'm not really sure what's going on, just feel weirdly depressed, hazy and confused.

I feel that I'm onto something really important though and want to figure it out, or at least try to address it somehow.

Hi Copper,

I remember another story of a dead alter. Well, in this case, the alter thought she was dead:

Core person suicide??

The last I remember is that she, the host, hasn't been able to communicate with her, dead alter.

Sea

Yeah that is the weird thing about this sort of situation, though. Of course these alters are not actually, literally dead. Of course there's always the possibility that this protector of mine is mistaken, or worse case scenario a bad introject masquerading as a protector and just confusing/lying to me, or something.

Because I was also lead to believe by my system (which are all parts of me, so in that weird DID way, by myself) that this alter responded in a session suddenly and intensely out of nowhere, that it was her influence when I started crying very deeply and strangely that one time while I was talking about the ex's death along with other bullet-pointed type stuff for the therapist's history intake thing.

So that was her, but she's also dead? Idunno about that.

It seems like either it's really unusual for a "dead" alter to keep cropping up now and then, OR it's not really a "dead" alter.

Not to make such morbid light of such heavy topics, but to be honest it's almost like it's a zombie alter, or something.