Your alters

Can I start a thread where people can just offload about their alters?

What are their names, or if they don't have names, what are their roles, and what do they mean to you? How's your relationship? What are their likes/dislikes?

Hi. So I have two littles, a teenager and two alters in their early twenties.

There's Cynthia my protector who's 17. She tends to take things very seriously and usually comes out when she thinks a threat could be nearby, becoming hostile and defensive towards it. She also likes order which makes us clash since I'm very messy and unorganized. We tend not to see eye to eye on certain topics but generally we get along. She dislikes rude people.

There's Sasha, who is five. I don't know if she serves a specific purpose. She is usually very optimistic and full of emotion. She is also kind of sensitive and takes others reactions to me very seriously. She likes to sing and dance. She dislikes loud noises.

There's Keith. Keith is relatively new so I don't know much about him. He seems to be the opposite of Sasha in personality so they compliment each other well.

There's Jeremy. Jeremy is 22. He's pretty laid back and calm. He doesn't really react to anything unless it's directed at him so he doesn't front much. Since he doesn't front much, I'm uncertain of his likes and dislikes.

Last but not least is William. William is 23 and has a British accent. He is very proud and very boastful to the point that he almost comes off as narcissistic. His likes and dislikes are that he likes tea and small conversation. He dislikes people insulting him and people who are arrogant.

I don't really know jack about my alters. I see them more like fragments, specifically like response-fragments, that cause me to black out / disassociate for short periods of time.

But in some cases I don't know what to make of it. For example I lost most of an entire year of my life, yet evidence says that I was functional is the sense that I was eating, going to school, passed my classes, etc. Yet I don't recall anyone ever pointing out noticing any major changes in me regarding that time period, nothing like, "You were like a different person that year," or anything like that.

So my theory is that our transitions are rather smooth, and our differences are rather subtle.

Or I suppose it's possible that I've rarely had people in my life that really pay much close attention to me, so there wouldn't have been anyone to make that type of observation, anyway.

Since I am more or less 'gone' while switched, I'm not able to really analyze any alters. The most I can do in that regard is to try to derive clues from distinctly weird passive-influence experiences I have, where I have thoughts, feelings or reactions where I know, "This isn't the way I actually am / normally am, and this isn't making sense to me."

It is only by that contrast that I can detect anything. I only know that I have a male alter, because our body is female, and so when I suddenly get very heavy passive-influence and start disassociating, and I perceive myself as definitely, distinctly male - well that feels really different and unusual, so I notice it as a sort of clue. But that's about it.

HI,
These are my thoughts only and what has worked for me. I was diagnosed quite a while ago but I never knew what to do with the diagnosis. my life was so busy and full every day was a challenge for me to get through it without getting into trouble, forgetting meetings, forgetting people, etc. I learned how to lie, cover up and pretend until my addictions got me and I had to start getting responsible for me and my actions. I had to accept it wasn't the world, it was me. I knew something was bothering me from my past but I was in pretty much amnesia from that and only knew my d.. had been a little angry with me. that was all. through going to t and reading as much as I could about amnesia, did, etc I began to realize there were reasons for my dissociating. I also felt that I shouldn't have to pay because I had been abused. it was like I had to go through the abuse then deal with the after effects for the rest of my life. it seemed wrong and unfair.
for me, all the time I spend trying to figure out my alters is a waste of my life because my brain can think up a million reasons anytime. the real reason I have found, for me, is that they are here to protect me from unbearable pain, in a place where I felt no help was available. they were my warriors against the abuse. the problem is, as long as they exist, the abuse continues to exist inside myself. so I began to accept each alter as having their own reason and secret for being here. and I tried to let each one reveal their own pain. once I was able to do that they could let go of their pain and move into forgiveness and I was given back more energy. Today I look on them as markers in my life of needing help and I can let go of each and every one as each and every one is really me. the more I have of me in my life the more I can participate in my real life and the more of me there is the more people mean to me. and the love they can give me is more than I have ever wished for.

I actually think there used to be a thread like this... but I can't remember the title so it's good to start a new one I suppose ^^ I have relatively few alters really. Two who are part of my daily life, Yuki and Marvolo, and two others who are more in the background and have only come out twice each in these years, Logic and Heart.

Yuki (teenager, around 16, but acting much younger ususally) came here first. she used to be all anger and hatred and tried to harm me, so I called her Chaos back then, but after years, and after discovering this forum, I talked to her on suggestion of Seangel and found she really wanted to help me in her own way. Our SO gave her the name Yuki, and she's a nice girl now, quite playful and smart, but still with a streak of violence. She tends to avoid Marvolo though cause she finds him creepy.

Marvolo (protector, 87) was kind of half-consciously created by me I think... I called out for help one day I was completely lost, about two weeks maybe after Yuki first split and harmed me. I've never been so relieved and happy as when i first saw him, I think. He protected me and cared for me, and after about half a year we got into a relationship, which we still have to this day My parents dislike him very much though, cause he's based on Voldemort from the HP-books and I can't convince them of that he's nice to me... Things he loves doing is our SO, reading, eating chocolate and hearing me sing

Not much to say about the other two.. I have no clue what to think of Logic. sometimes he tries to mess everything up 'for my own good' by starting integration processes none of us want, sometimes he keeps the fears and such away.. Heart I'm also not sure of. she seems to be helpful most of the time, but i somehow never know if i can trust her...

We have a very fintional system nowadays thankfully, where we strive to cooperate, communicate, and have relative peace. Marvy and yuki no longer fight, Logic hasn't pulled any weird $#%^ in a while and Heart is usually absent. It helps that we are all co-conscious and share our memories, though the memories of the others still feel very weird and different. Switching is also not a problem anymore, now no-one tries to forcibly take control.