Mr EKO- FIRST MEETING with alter

i AM SO ANGRY AT BEING LOCKED AWAY IN THE DARKNES
THEY CALL ME AN EKO OF THE PAST THE HATRED AND THE SORROW
I FEEL THE SORROW AND THE PAIN
BUT I AM NOT THE SORROW AND THE PAIN
I AM NOT THE THING IN THE DARK
I CAN NOT BE THE THING IN THE DARK
I WILL NOT BE THE THING IN THE DARK

I AM THE EKO OF THE PAST

Hi, i was speaking in a previous post about an alter that i was to scared to talk to called mr eko, well he introduced his self and he wasnt who i expected.

TRIGGER WARNING





AN EKO OF THE PAIN THAT LASTS
A SCAR THAT HURTS AND WHEN EMOTIONS HIT BEGS YOU TO HURT YOURSELF
BUT NOT BECAUSE I AM THE PAST, BECAUSE THAT IS ALL I KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU TO DO.

I AM NOT THE DARKNESS
I AM CONSUMED BY THE DARKNESS
I AM NOT SADNESS
I AM SAD
I AM NOT YOUR ABUSER
I AM ABUSED
I AM NOT SELF HARM
I SELF HARM
I DID NOT CAUSE THE MEMORIES THE HURT SO MUCH
I JUST REMEMBER
I AM NOT PAIN
I AM IN PAIN






wASNT EXPECTING that and also dont know what to do with it!

Sounds like Eko has a lot of anger and pain inside. My advice would be is to find a safe way for him to express these feelings since it seems Eko self harms and when that happens, that affects the vessel holding him, the host and all of the others and I would hate for Eko to majorly self harm and cause a little to come out and have to deal with that pain and situation. Maybe a journal would be a way Eko could express himself but Eko seems like the type that would want to vocally express himself so maybe having him do an auditory journal. Getting a tape recorder and having Eko use that. I also feel that hearing it said would get whatever feelings and pain that Eko has out better than writing it since sometimes just words on a page can be confusing and cryptic.

Hi River et al (Sam, Eko, Elliot, Little ones, and everyone I haven't mentioned)

What Eko wrote is so beautiful. He's expressing himself, and his words are wise.

i AM SO ANGRY AT BEING LOCKED AWAY IN THE DARKNES
THEY CALL ME AN EKO OF THE PAST THE HATRED AND THE SORROW
I FEEL THE SORROW AND THE PAIN
BUT I AM NOT THE SORROW AND THE PAIN
I AM NOT THE THING IN THE DARK[*]
I CAN NOT BE THE THING IN THE DARK
I WILL NOT BE THE THING IN THE DARK

I AM THE EKO OF THE PAST

[*]I bolded it.

AN EKO OF THE PAIN THAT LASTS
A SCAR THAT HURTS AND WHEN EMOTIONS HIT BEGS YOU TO HURT YOURSELF
BUT NOT BECAUSE I AM THE PAST, BECAUSE THAT IS ALL I KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU TO DO.[*]

I AM NOT THE DARKNESS
I AM CONSUMED BY THE DARKNESS
I AM NOT SADNESS
I AM SAD
I AM NOT YOUR ABUSER
I AM ABUSED
I AM NOT SELF HARM
I SELF HARM
I DID NOT CAUSE THE MEMORIES THE HURT SO MUCH
I JUST REMEMBER
I AM NOT PAIN
I AM IN PAIN

[*] He's expressing the way he knows, he's helping the best way he can. He's screaming to you the things he's gone through. He is you, another part of you, and you are him.

Listen to him if you can, read him, he's certainly communicating. Comfort him, show him the light, tell him that he's not alone, 'coz you, all of you are there for him, tell him the abuse is finished, and he doesn't have to be in pain any more.

Hope you guys are all ok.

Sending you the best energy.

In Lak´ech - (I'm another you)

-- Mon Feb 17, 2014 1:01 am --

By the way, I did notice when you signed River and Elliot, and later when you mentioned he spoke to you for the first time, I was so happy for you. I hope all of you keep working and achieving steps towards communication.

Sending you the best.

Sea

Hi everyone,

thank you for your replies. We read both of them and they made all of us feel better.

We felt much better and had a family meeting. For the first time Eko came along and sat next to me (river). It really scared and for the first time he spoke but i can not remember what he said, i mean he said words out loud that i heard rather than he typed.

Then things got a bit tence because Sam and Jake turned up and they are both very protective of me (river) and Eko felt very misunderstood. You see Eko is a HUGE HUGE man and comes across very physically over baring.

We have a table in the middle of the main room we meet in and Eko feel into it!!! And a child's voice and arm was shouting out of it and me and sam pulled him and it it was a little Eko! OK AM I JUST NUTS!?!?! I AM SO MAKING THIS ALL UP TO SUIT RIGHT?

I am so very confused, all this is very distressing to me, i understand that from a sytem point of view our aim is to heal and we can not heal if we symbolise our trauma as a fraughting giant. We all see our visual selfs, our inner worlds as that of one to mold and suit to suit our needs. While our CORE SELF stay the same. So even though Eko is now small, he is no different. He still holds all that pain and all the same expereinces but we are not afraid and neither do the other feel i need protecting from him.

Is this just me, making things up to suit me?

Seangel

I want to thank you so very much for what you have wrote, i read what you high lighted to my partner because it made me look at it in such a different way. That is what superceded the family meeting we had because i could see that bit of soul of Eko that i had not b4 , even though iw as still very scared. So thank you so much.



Violarules

Thank you so much for you idea- i actually used to keep a video diary but i never used to be able to look back at it. Fear would hold it back from me. Eko and T.C (my younger part) have poetry in common and may very well be co-con but i am unsure.

trigger warning





We have not self harmed for several month, sence we have been recognised as a system! yay! Expression of self is some thing we could not live without, unfortantly self harm was the only way to express that self hate or shame b4. We used to dissociate and have no control who did what so could not stop this , unles my partner was at home. Now, by using this forum- not always starting our own posts but replying to other peoples posts and keeping journals and very much art and creative work like this we are keeping on top of making sure every one gets to vent.

TRIGGER OVER




Eko was the except due to fear and last night it did almost go the other way. Today I wanted to take a break and was going to shut myself down and just leave. Just stop all this work and cut off communication with my alters. In the hope of getting a break.

It wasnt until after I had , had our family meeting and everything had, happened that i realised. It wasnt my inner world that was the problem i needed to escape from. The problem was i have been bombarded from sooooo meany triggers for two weeks now that WE ALL NEED A BREAK from the triggers. This is when we need to look after eadch other not abandon each other. This is the mistake i have always made b4- blame myself rather than the actual problem.




I can not say thank you enough to both of you. Reading your posts opened my mind and the others so much that, although scary and has made me wonder if i am truely nuts, with out it i think we would have closed down shop and I RIVER may not be writing to you right now.


THANK YOU.

p.s the whole eko change and all that..... any comments!?!?!?lol

I'm glad our comments were helpful to you. As for the little Eko, could it be possible that Eko is another little that was disguised as being older alter? I know that little kids think that if you look mature, you'll have a better chance of being listened to. Maybe the falling into the table revealed Eko's true form? I'm unsure but it would make since since you have another younger part that uses poetry as a form of expression. Maybe Eko is a part of T.C. that broke off and created another alter? What is T.C.'s personality? If they have opposite personalities, it could be a sign that Eko was a hidden side to T.C. who split off.

riverside wrote:Eko is a HUGE HUGE man and comes across very physically over baring.

We have a table in the middle of the main room we meet in and Eko feel into it!!! And a child's voice and arm was shouting out of it and me and sam pulled him and it it was a little Eko! OK AM I JUST NUTS!?!?! I AM SO MAKING THIS ALL UP TO SUIT RIGHT?

Situation normal, river. Totally. More often than not the most frightening alters turn out to be the most scared little kids.

Welcome, Eko. I love your name!

Safe hugs all around, if you want them.

Oh River, you all are going through so many changes.

I can see how that is very distressing for you, but I also see how hard you're working, listening to everyone else, enabling spaces for all to meet and be heard.

riverside wrote:Is this just me, making things up to suit me?

I think you are healing.

River, when I read what Eko wrote, I was so touched. I'm happy you got to see it in a different way.

You're so brave! You know? Even though you were scared, you looked at it again, from a different angle, and you faced it. Congrats to you all.

riverside wrote:trigger warning





We have not self harmed for several month, sence we have been recognised as a system! yay!

It's so beautiful to read this!!

riverside wrote:Now, by using this forum- not always starting our own posts but replying to other peoples posts and keeping journals and very much art and creative work like this we are keeping on top of making sure every one gets to vent.

Wow! This is amazing!!

riverside wrote:Today I wanted to take a break and was going to shut myself down and just leave. Just stop all this work and cut off communication with my alters. In the hope of getting a break.

It wasnt until after I had , had our family meeting and everything had, happened that i realised. It wasnt my inner world that was the problem i needed to escape from. The problem was i have been bombarded from sooooo meany triggers for two weeks now that WE ALL NEED A BREAK from the triggers. This is when we need to look after eadch other not abandon each other. This is the mistake i have always made b4- blame myself rather than the actual problem.

This is healing in action. I'm so happy for you River, and for everyone inside.

riverside wrote:Reading your posts opened my mind and the others so much that, although scary and has made me wonder if i am truely nuts, with out it i think we would have closed down shop and I RIVER may not be writing to you right now.

I wanna say something, it is you who's been brave enough to open up, to look for ways to heal, to think out loud, and listen to others, and take what ever suits you best... 'Coz you are your own healer.

I'm so, so happy for you all!

PS:

Una+ wrote:Welcome, Eko. I love your name!

I second this!!!

Hey there,

Sea, you couldn't be more right about going through loads of changes.over the past day at least we have stopped, settled! I am aware of an alter that I used to know being around but I'm not going there just yet and my system dose not seem to need me to.

Thank you for guiding me to see the beauty, you deserve some credit. When I first read what you wrote Sam was very angry thinking you don't understand. He knows he is a hot head when it comes to protecting me.act first think never! (joke Sam) lol. Any who- out reminded me of the first time I read my poetry which was actually t.c and Eko poetry to my partner. She said some of it was beautiful, even though it was filled with so much pain. I was to close to see that.just like this time.



now that it has have confirmed I'm not mad and is normal for the most scared alters to pretend to be the biggest scarcest alters. I really want to find some kind of research to confirm or I suppose back up myself and not the part that still says I'm mad.

I spoke about all thus to partner-she suggested that maybe Eko would like to be called wispa then? I felt this rising happiness and I had a smile I could not control.he loved it.this is the first time I have felt happiness from him.its wonderful. A new beginning for him and going forward for us all.

Seeing the beauty in his words, rather than just being in fear of him. I think if this had not happened he would not have shed his adult mask.

Btw-the whole name wispa didn't come out of no where it wad I'm context with a conversation that want mine and I can't remember it! Lol

Thank you so much ESP. Sea.

I used to think my Alter 1 was a homicidal maniac, a killer just waiting for an opportunity to come out and kill someone. Alter 2 thought so to, and even said so to a therapist. In that moment I felt coming from inside how much those words hurt and saddened Alter 1, and I knew we were wrong about him. All along he was my protector.

Hi there Eko.

You sound like you have so much pain inside of you and I'm sorry people have misunderstood you so much. That must hurt as well. I'm so sorry for all you've had to experience. I hope in time you can get new experiences and new memories, like the members of our system who only experiences difficult things have as well. You deserve to have good memories and be understood and heard. You were so strong to write this and you wrote what you needed to say beautifully. I wish you all the best in healing.