Journaling Tips?

My T wants me to journal. I've been trying, but it isn't working. I wrote every memory I have. I've written to my alters asking for communication. I've written rules (that one worked out pretty well!). I write asking for memories....etc. What am I suppose to be writing? Daily life? Very uneventful. Memories? How many times and ways can you write them? Emotions? I'm not in control of those, they must belong to someone else. If you don't feel, you can't write about emotions. I basically end up writing the same things every time and that is about my wishing for memories, communication, etc.

ANY advice on this would be great!!!

Thanks

Hello..Write whatever comes to mind..What you just wrote above about not feeling emotions is interesting..and when you journal that,you might be able to get to the root of why you donnt feel them.There is no rhyme or reason to journaling.It should be free and of what comes to mind.Not forced.It ccan be simple and light.Or more complex and complicated.It is about you..and i find it very therapeutic,as I was abused and have anxiety and PTSD,and it helps me deal with my depression and anger issues I have towards my abusers,and those who didnt protect me as a child.It also seems to help me sort thru my problems..solves some..and seems to be a quite interesting healing technique.I wish you well in your life and in journaling..Keep at it and it will become something that flows freely.XX

We use our journal more as a message board, where we can have conversations, share funny things with eachother, make jokes, use it as an actual journal or a ranting space ect. It's boring to only focus on the bad or whatever, so have fun with it

I agree with Familyof3, that seems to be the most effective & helpful way to journal for us.

We try to use the journal we bought for random thoughts the alter has while out. Some don't like writing it in, while others make a point to document the day they were out. We've found that alters are more encouraged to write in it if they get to buy a colored pen that is "theirs" simply to write in the journal with. We also put it out in plain sight, so the alter will see it and be encouraged to write in it.

@Familyof3

Thats exactly what we do too!

Most the time, it's just conversations between alters. Like donovan arguing with serev, or asking advice from quinn. X is the one who writes down all the memories compulsively, but sometimes we cant trust him on things as he tends to over-exaggerate events that put us on a pedestal, and under-report abuse. Quinn's pretty straightforward when it comes to memories though, so we trust him more.

Fortunately for us, our memories are pretty much stored in journals already, so we can go back and look at things, and go back and see the past alters and how they would deal with things.

I was just at the Colin A Ross Trauma Center in Dallas where I started journaling. Besides writing about the trauma from the past, we also learned to accept the loss from the trauma. Acceptance of the loss is what is healing. We all lost a lot from out childhoods. I think this is what they call processing.

I kind of got away from journaling but a few years ago it helped some. I was never able to get the internal communication thing working that way, but at times I journaled myself into pain and processing. I did the freeflowing style, just anything at all that came to mind and uncensored.

Sunkist, I read your post with interest. Even tonight I was asking myself, How much of healing really is purely grieving over all the stuff? I think journaling would help with identifying the individual losses. Gosh, acceptance doesn't come easily.

Caeri,

I certainly won't get upset that you find acceptance of the loss difficult. Acceptance for me was a step that led me to be able to get angry with my mother, stepfather, and my mother's siblings. I need to be angry. Journaling helps process those feelings. It helped clear my mind.

We learned at the Trauma Hospital that the treatment goal was to feel feelings and stay safe. I was in a trauma recovery therapy group just prior to that and was getting the heck triggered out of me. I suppose you know about PTSD triggers. Real memories and "memories" that weren't real were coming out of me at night.

That's what partially led to my hospitalization. I'm still upset about it, but it was probably all worth it. I'm still feeling a bit depressed about being in the hospital, but I have memories that I didn't have before. I understand some things that I didn't before. I'm just about ready to go back to therapy to start my 12th year in therapy. Yikes.

Anyway, I'll look for the handout sheet that I was given on acceptance and post some of it for you.

Oh by the way, I read on the internet that DID comes from abuse in childhood because as children we all need to attach to someone. We attach to our caregivers, but at the same time they are abusing us, which makes us want to run away. We simultaneously want to attach and to flee. This causes a split in our psyche. The Trauma Hospital stressed something that I already figured out, which is that I really don't need to be attached to my family in any way. I'm a grown man, and they're still evil. Good riddance. Time for healing.