Addressing self-collectiveness

Just addressing once again the old disagreement between me and us. But I hope I'm adding something and not simply being a repetition of old forum posts here.

There are many (or several, at least), and I truly admit it now. Not just from an observational perspective, like a theory or hypothesis to be entertained and documented, or like a fascinating scientific experiment of what it is to be me looking at myself. It's not a joke or something to be taken lightly, and now at least in that regard I am more careful to respect myself — the other parts within. There are ethical implications to myself.

But given that I am supposed to be the "wise part" and advise the other parts when it comes to my self-functioning and to the impartial interpretation of things, I don't know how to best be humble and considerate within "the singular collective" that I am — or that I am part of. I know that, in a physical sense, I am one person, and that, still in a physical sense, there is no clearly discernible division within. But I know that there are separate parts with distinct autonomy, even if there are no clear boundaries.

So I guess the question I am asking myself is whether maintaining my self-perception as singular promotes a sense of inclusion or a sense of exclusion instead — considering an emotional point of view, which is something foreign to me. And I know that there are parts that I simply don't want to include, because they can be extremely counterproductive.

How do you deal with this issue within your own self-system — or, in other words, within yourself / among yourselves? What perspectives and attitudes have helped promote harmony within, for you?

Thanks in advance. I greatly appreciate any opportunity to gain a measure of understanding from your own personal and individual experiences.

PS: I realize sometimes I sound like a post-grad dissertation thesis. But it's just the way I talk that makes it sound like brainy stuff. I don't really mean to make it hard to understand, or like I know more than anyone else does. You can always ask me what I mean, and I'll be glad if you do, because that will probably mean that I didn't understand it myself before you asked

But given that I am supposed to be the "wise part" and advise the other parts when it comes to my self-functioning and to the impartial interpretation of things, I don't know how to best be humble and considerate within "the singular collective" that I am — or that I am part of. I know that, in a physical sense, I am one person, and that, still in a physical sense, there is no clearly discernible division within. But I know that there are separate parts with distinct autonomy, even if there are no clear boundaries.

I understand how you feel and have worked through this myself. I believe that you, and I (I am the ANP/host/adult/wise part), are a part too. All parts make up one whole person. I understand how separate you feel and how each part is different to yourself and you may not like to accept them as you right now, but in time when memories and feelings they hold are processed, I think it will become easier. Even though I know all this logically, it doesn't feel like it is true as we feel so separate – I think this is the hard bit.

So I guess the question I am asking myself is whether maintaining my self-perception as singular promotes a sense of inclusion or a sense of exclusion instead — considering an emotional point of view, which is something foreign to me. And I know that there are parts that I simply don't want to include, because they can be extremely counterproductive.

I hold the understanding that we are all parts of one person, whilst still acknowledging I am ( I feel) separate. So my perception is inclusive whilst still acknowledging we are all separate. These dissociative lines that separate us are becoming more blurred all the time for me – this has brought up a lot of questions as to how I feel and think about things. Feeling completely separate, I knew who I was and what I thought, but know it's like I have extra information (awareness, memories and emotion in the main) and so I'm not so sure sometimes.

How do you deal with this issue within your own self-system — or, in other words, within yourself / among yourselves? What perspectives and attitudes have helped promote harmony within, for you?

Me and all parts are happy with the underatnding that we are all one person together (although each of us feels separate, and one part would sometimes like their own body), and therefore we must work together rather than against each other (although this doesn't always happen). I have had a lot of problems with a part being abusive towards me and extremeely counter-productive, so I can understand how you don't want to include some parts. Sometimes I'd love to be able get away from her (but only for a bit as she is part of us and is therefore very important), but I cannot – we will always be together. But this part I am talking of is a part of us all and without her we would have a part of ourselves missing. And we would not be here today as the person (all of us together) we are and we may not have survived. I believe that we could have become a horrible person if we had not split. I think that maybe it allowed us to be the person we should be, a person who's personality is 'undamaged' by abuse, a person who hasn't been completely destroyed. I am grateful we had the ability to dissociate as I know I am (we're) a good person. Even though parts can be destructive and frustrating sometimes, they're good. They are only young and I wish I could take all the pain away from them – I think I will be able to one day.

So I think you should try and embrace all part of yourself. Without them you wouldn't be who you're today and you may not have even survived.

I hope that helps in some way

P.S I should probably have said, I am co-conscious for most of the time now.

What words we use to refer to the system has to do with the context of whether it's okay to be known individually (we) or as a system (I). Because our system is not "out", it's usually a much more deliberate choice to use "we" and tends to refer to more collective and collaborative answers. When individual alters express their opinions, they always use "I". Referring to other alters is like "another part of me" or "someone else/he/she/they" or "I", depending on the context.

Mostly though, for our system, it depends a lot on how the person who is speaking defines the inclusiveness rather than the words. If it's supposed to pertain to everyone, the person speaking tends to get in trouble, but if it's okay to disagree, mostly it's okay. Our solution for that has been to come up with system-approved answers that most of us can live with and that speak for the system as a whole rather than individual alters saying something about the system or making individual decisions that everyone else has to live with (for continuity/not being "out" reasons).

Sometimes people vehemently disagree with system-approved answers, and in those cases, we usually try to negotiate a (more middle-of-the-road) course of action that the system as a whole can live with. But we also usually end up saying to the person who pushed for the more extreme action, "You have to deal with the consequences."

I hope that you were able to understand and that this was helpful... This question really made us think!