Has anyone experienced these specific things?

*trigger warning*

Eg. 1 : I was both bullied and the bully in middle school. Later on i got sent to an alternative school then when i returned to high school i walked up to the people that i had been in altercations with like nothing happened. several years later I realized that and was very embarassed about it. and could remember both time periods very clearly.

However, at that time, I completely blocked out that I was even fighting in middle school.

Eg 2. : Finding Out

I don't know if it's me reading about DID, being able to identify with it and freaking out that I can actually feel an alter now, and feeling helpless to it. (Did you guys freak out at first as well?, does the anxiety of this ever go away?) I have these inner panic attacks that don't affect my outer body, but i definately do feel them. Coupled with the headache. I think it's mostly because I'm scared of what my other alter is capable of rather than what it's "Up To" which I wish it really was.

Eg 3. System Crash

I believe I recently had a fugue, however i'm still waiting on the memories to come back. I don't believe it was a full fugue because I still have some memories of it. Just can't make any sense out of it.

Basically, what it feels like now after the "fugue" is that before this crash I was made up of lego blocks, all of different colors, the colors representing different parts of me and my life. Suddenly this lego thing was thrown at wall and the pieces are all over the place. I can't put them back together correctly because I didn't know where their proper place was in the first place and I can't find them all, but what I did find was that I was made out of lego blocks if that makes any sense. Which leads to endless "black hole" headaches and a very "carousel" like feeling spinning in my head. Just jumping all over the place in my life.


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I guess what this boils down to is when you guys found out you were or suspected you had DID. (Which i'm still not fully sure of) and started reading about it, did you have similar symptoms?

Did it get better over time or was it better before you ever figured it out.

Yes we had 2 and 3. I've had lots of situations re. eg. 1 except I couldn't and mostly still don't remember them. I've been told I bullied someone off of school, and I grew up thinking she was my best friend, and I still don't remember bullying her (we were very badly bullied in school which I do partially remember now).
I've had a fight with someone cause we disappointed them, but then I completely forgot about disappointing them so I walk up to them for a chat like we're all good friends. Took me a while before I realized what happened there lol.

In 2, we're still freaking out lol. It's getting maybe somewhat better but we've been freaking out for years lol. For us it's mostly about shame about being very different, and fear because of not being able to control switching.

In 3, well she ran away, to someone else, hoping he'd save her or something, which is when we became definitely aware of this stuff. There were signs before, pretty obvious ones but not as obvious as this one.

I think that the functioning parts of the collective felt better before becoming aware. Not to say it Was better cause it's obviously not, but we felt better able to function. This is partially cause these parts of us were made to function in a role that doesn't exist anymore, and partially cause we're scared of losing control and we didn't know that we 'should' worry about this before becoming aware. Also partially cause we didn't have a lot of intrusions from each other, life just seemed lots easier. The emotional parts definitely feel better now that we know they exist.

1. Yes. I was puzzled one afternoon at the end of a school day when my best friend led me in a direction opposite to which we normally left. I asked her where we were going and she said we were going to the deputy's office because I had a detention for getting into a fight earlier in the day. I adamantly argued with her that I didn't have a detention and hadn't been in a fight, and so she eventually gave in, and we went off home. The next day, the deputy caught up with me and ended up giving me a detention every afternoon after school for a whole week because I kept on insisting that it was a mistake and that I had been misreported by a member of staff and other witnesses.

Things have happened in later life too. I have been repeatedly befriended by my abusers.

2. I'm not sure either, but I have been very alarmed by the things that we have allowed to happen owing to the existence of one very fearful and "compliant" alter. I'm starting to calm down a bit, as I think I can handle myself better and there are steps that I can take to improve our safety now that I have knowledge of my condition.

3. I often have the feeling of being caught up in a "mini cyclone" of anger, rage, torment, fear and dread.