Explain This Please

*trigger warning*

My alter Sage is the most emotional of all of us. She is considered (by everyone in the system but me) to be the strongest/most resilient, mentally & emotionally. She is the one growing up who endured most of the emotional/mental abuse. Yet she's very weak minded & spirited. She was diagnosed with BPD, can barely get out of bed or make basic decisions (like whether to pee now or later) without someone else's help. She can't take a joke (directed at her or not). She has no drive for anything but self-destruction. Cutter. Addict. Angsty. I wouldn't dream of harming or killing myself. I don't let whatever emotions creep up on me get the best of me & I don't feel what I feel anywhere near as intensely as Sage does. Yet I still understand emotions well enough to keep my peers satisfied & cooperative with me. We have similar pain tolerance. How is our emotional cripple more suitable to deal with emotional challenges than me? Is my system ###$ up?

How is our emotional cripple more suitable to deal with emotional challenges than me?

In the end it comes down to how you view her. She has survived a lot, she is continuing to live and that tells me she is strong. She may seem like an "emotional cripple", but when an alter carries such a heavy burden for so long, that will show. In many systems someone is designated that role and instead of everyone carrying a lesser amount where everyone is effectively hurt, one person takes a whole brunt of it, leaving some alters unscathed. It's a protective mechanism and something that probably worked well in the past. The problem comes when that alter is effectively crippled by what's happened. Who wouldn't be, really?

It sounds like Sage has taken a lot of pain for all of you. That deserves kindness and respect. I hope you can treat her in the way she is unable to treat herself and show her how to best take care of herself. In time you might find that you are grateful for everything she's handled

I find it difficult to respect someone who drugs & mutilates me. I dealt with most of the physical abuse. Now one of the people I've been protecting is physically abusing me?

That is very succinct and powerful. Have you told her that in so many words? Does she realize that purposefully hurting the body means effectively abusing you?

I know what it's like to be with alters who injure the body, and I also know what it's like to be an alter that injures. I can tell you, it's not good being on either side of it.

I think you make a really powerful point, but I think in the end you can choose to see that she is not doing this to hurt you, she's doing it to cope with the pain of a hard life. If you treat her with kindness and respect she may heal enough to be able to stop the behaviors that hurt you.

I think your system is the way it is for a reason, and finding that reason may also give you some answers.

Ok, I get it. I'm cold-hearted. What really confuses me is how everyone (on the Inside) is breathing down my neck like I'm the dangerous one. I think it's ridiculous but I can't help but wonder what more there is to it. If We know that My being on the outside is somehow more alarming than the suicidal one being out (nobody lectured her CONSTANTLY!) then I need to know why & how. I don't love being inside but staying alive means more to me than anything. Someone who cannot control their emotions (Sage) has a habit of doing/saying things that makes others want to hurt them. They see she's vulnerable & exploit it or she triggers their violence by verbally lashing out without thinking. I don't have that problem at all. I am just a regular citizen who just wants enough money to get the hell away from other citizens. I'm uncomplicated. I'm safe as f-ck. They be buggin'.

I think you ask some really important questions there. It also tells me your system is in a bit of a chaos and is very distrusting of each other. Is there any way for you all to work together a bit more? Leaving one part behind means leaving part of you behind. That may feel good for a moment, but give it enough time and it won't at all.

The others have been very scared of me. They've called me bad stuff and all of that. All I ever did was stand up for them and make sure they stayed safe. Staying with abusive #####& wouldn't make us grow or heal and it wasn't fair to them having to live in that with our parents. I yelled and screamed and bit and ran, there's no shame in that. But I also know when to ease off. I know not to call them names when they're upset or to push them too much. Becoming their abuser won't stop them abusing my body. In the end all I want is a good life for all of us.

Have you asked your others why the fear you? Why they feel you're scarier to have out? Maybe by being a bit less harsh when you speak with them you might get them to give you an honest answer so you know what you're dealing with.

Sorry this took me so long to reply to. It was very powerful to read and I didn't know how to respond properly.

Thank you for the reply, late or not. & Hello there, in the red. Yeah. I realized I was being verbally & emotionally abusive. Maybe even physically & mentally by threatening to rip all control away from everyone in my system & to "drown/bury" them so they can't come out again. I realize I was wrong to think I was the superior one, or that I should function without them. We all need each other. I may not understand how they all feel because I don't feel all of the emotions they do & the ones I feel are relatively shallow. But I'm a deep thinker. I thought that would be enough to get us all by but these other people are parts of me & need to be cared for in their own unique ways. Like how I can put lotion on my arms but not in my eyes, I can laugh at myself & encourage myself by just saying, "Suck it up, wimp!" but I can't do that with Sage. She needs to feel loved & respected in a way that suits her. I agreed to work with them & to try & better myself for them. Now they trust me A LOT more.

That sounds great Gina. And yeah, hey I think you made a good choice for yourself and your system there.

I'm very happy to hear that. It sounds like a much healthier way to go about trying to create a life for all of you