Timelessness

======================
Trigger warning: mental confusion
======================


Anyone else here feel like you don't move through time, but time moves through you instead? Like things have always been, and are always going to be, just the way they are right now? Like there's no discernible difference between the moment and the lifetime? Like "the past" and "the future" exist, and maybe even occupy your mind too much, but are distinct and parallel planes that don't touch the plane of timelessness?...

I can relate to this somewhat. Our system does have a history of severe time distortion though.
I sometimes wonder if we do in fact travel through time mentally to some degree. Instead of living in the moment, I am often trying to puzzle out what is coming next so I can be prepared to better protect my system. Another member focuses a lot on the past to try and learn lessons from those experiences. In the end, we often just end up missing out on the present and feeling confused and another emotion I do not know the word for.

we feel we can always go back to teh past and then we're always sad cause we cant. we dont understand time at all, everyone does time but we. a week is over like it's nothing and an hour is too long and all the years where they go? is now 18 years later and so sad we can never go back. time is biggest enemy and so very confusing. we dont know how people live with time. feel like past is waiting for me.

time for us has little meaning. the past has so much erased it doesn't feel real, the future blurs with the present as we spend so much time INSIDE our mind.

I was JUST saying to my SO the other day that "the 'normal' concept of time, for me, is irrelevant; here we are in October and the first two weeks has felt like 4 months, but everyday I wake up, look at the clock for the 7 am, blink my eyes and 12 hours has passed, and it's 7 pm, and I have lived a full day in a moment". That statement pretty much sums up our experience with time.

moks wrote:here we are in October

Ah - we're still in September, what do you mean it's October when we have only just started September

Time for us is hard too. We feel like time just goes by, but we stay the same. We can sit for hours on end and feel like only a few minutes has gone. Appointments are suddenly tomorrow and we were going to rearrange them 2 months ago but somehow we haven't had time.

In addition to ASD, I have been diagnosed with ADHD, and so far Ritalin has been helping a lot. But it's inconsistent. While it does make me more "operational" overall, it still feels like nothing has changed. And I have a hard time telling what's "just ADHD" and what's not.

Sometimes the medication "magically" puts me in the mood for work, and then it's just like "what's the big deal? this is easy!". And my days are longer. Sometimes way longer. Sometimes too long... and it feels like yesterday was ages ago, like everything that ever existed is long gone, and the recent past is nothing but fog. I wonder... is this actually a type of "time loss"? Or is there another name for it? It puts so much pressure on whatever it is that I'm doing or supposed to be doing.

Like if I fail, then the little that is still left in the world will be irreparably gone. Then for just a moment I see that it's not the end of the world. But then I relax, "for just a moment", and next thing I know I'm too late, and the situation is even worse than before. So, in the end, this panicky state guarantees that I do fail, and I get so confused that I can't keep track of time anymore, and the next thing I know I'm in the same panicky state again wondering "what have I done?..".

debetoile wrote:

moks wrote:here we are in October

Ah - we're still in September, what do you mean it's October when we have only just started September

I didn't say what YEAR!

lol moks

moks wrote: I didn't say what YEAR!

Nor did I

Familyof3 wrote:I can relate to this somewhat. Our system does have a history of severe time distortion though.
I sometimes wonder if we do in fact travel through time mentally to some degree. Instead of living in the moment, I am often trying to puzzle out what is coming next so I can be prepared to better protect my system. Another member focuses a lot on the past to try and learn lessons from those experiences. In the end, we often just end up missing out on the present and feeling confused and another emotion I do not know the word for.

I think i know the word for that emotion "Blank" or "gone"

I feel/have felt this same way in the past. Currently its when the person behind me right now and I end up having a fight with him and lose my body in the process.

It's like you're in a black hole and nothing exists. Almost literally feels like a black hole.

I have trouble with time as well. I can never tell you exact dates or sometimes even years that I was doing anything. I know the basic chronological order of things and can kind of give you a rough estimate.

It's kind of like trying to play horseshoe when looking back and giving an exact date. Sometimes you get it around the pole, but most of the time you don't