I pretend to be happy :)

I will always pretend to be happy. No matter how cold my feelings are. Because since I can't get any help, all I have to do is pretend.

Hugs, I hope that one day you are truly happy because pretending is so draining

AdamMZ wrote:I will always pretend to be happy. No matter how cold my feelings are. Because since I can't get any help, all I have to do is pretend.

yep...

only issue is it tends to bite you in the bottom later.

Why can't you get any help?

Can you tell who you're pretending for? Is he/she/they inside your system?

The psychiatrist is not helpful. Already told my friends about DID but they still don't care. There's nothing I need to worry about, even though I'm cold because of the snow in this inner world. I'm still happy. Pretending to be happy.

Pretending is so exhausting; it takes up so much energy.. We used to pretend a lot - I certainly did my best to (I don't think I am good at it?), because we had to growing up, but since we started facing/dealing with our painful feelings we no longer have to fake it. We are often genuinely happy now. Well, three of us are - jane has a lot of work to do, and Aiden doesn't bother faking - it's obvious he's lying when he does try (he has no feelings); niva has stress to worry about more than unhappiness, but she can be very happy and excited at times; she is bad at faking it. It's very automatic for Sonja to try too hard (be extra happy) when one of us is hurting inside. We are working on it; old patterns are hard to break.

Hi Eve , I am not really like you because I don't feel painful feelings, but I used to not have any feelings, like Aiden, except I could pretend really good! For years I pretended and everybody believed me - it was like I was winning! Whenever there is reason for painful feelings somebody else takes over and I go away. They are not good

(I edited 'bad feelings' in Sonja's writing to 'painful feelings')
Why are they not good Sonja?

Because they hurt people, and that's bad.

What about when the we told our T about painful feelings? Were you there?

... Nope

He was OK . You should try to stick around next time and watch - it's not as bad as you think.

...

Sorry to get side-tracked there, Eve. I don't know if you can maybe relate to anything?

Hi. Um... I'm new to this inner world, actually. After Eve listening to a song (a bad one), she found me crying in the woods (in the inner world). The woods is snowy. And I always cry in the snow. Until Eve found me. I'm 8 by the way. And actually I'm not good at speaking Malay language, which is actually "our" first language. Now, Eve and I are best friends because we both know how "cold" feels like. And I really hope this will last longer.
I just realized I didn't tell my name. I'm Emily. Nice to meet you guys.

Yeah, she's gonna be with me and befriend with me. But I don't think that will last long.

Familyof3 wrote:

AdamMZ wrote:I will always pretend to be happy. No matter how cold my feelings are. Because since I can't get any help, all I have to do is pretend.

yep...

only issue is it tends to bite you in the bottom later.

all I can say is damn, if some people worked as hard as they would have had to to pretend some things that's a shitload of dedication.

Now, Eve and I seems like having a good time. I even heard that Eve likes me as a friend. Yeah, pretending is really hard. So, let's not do it again.