Have I messed things up?

I have a diagnosis...but it isn't DID. I talked my way out of it! I just wasn't brave enough to tell another random stranger that there was more than one of us and risk being disbelieved.

They triggered what was a fairly obvious switch and noticed I'd changed, commented on it. But I passed it off as a question that had grabbed my full attention. Previous to this incident I'd told them that I'd read up on dissociation after a social worker told me I had it, and that I had depersonalization and derealization in response to panic attacks. I left out the rest. They visibly relaxed at that. I'm a coward aren't I?

So, I've had a thorough assessment and been diagnosed autistic. They've told me the reasons for the autism diagnosis and I don't disagree as, if all those things are symptoms, then yes I have the disorder. And I can't see why they would lie to me about the symptoms, what would be the point?

The good news is I'm getting referred for additional help, which will make my life easier. Also good is that mental health workers who previously treated me as an argumentative attention seeker, now listen to me and take me seriously and try not to frighten me.

I don't know what to think of it all really. It's a bit unexpected. I feel a bit relieved.

Kerry x

Good luck.

Maybe you have both? I have a diagnosis in Aspergers Syndrome and self-diagnosed the DID because I also didn't have the guts to tell them. They didn't know what to make of me constantly being different each session, and eventually I stopped going before they came to a conclusion. I shouldn't have really done that though

No, nothing messed up, (you can always tell them later.)

They seem to know but I got BPD dx (even though i clearly dont have that.)

My doctor doesn't know the extent of mine either, he's just calling it minor depersonalization, and I don't have the guts to say otherwise (I guess I'm afraid to get an official diagnosis, too)- it's definitely more than that though, I'm just a coward about telling him, all I did was briefly mention a tiny bit.

Diagnosii are very difficult, because they are very malleable depending on the information given and the importance placed on each symptom, especially since lots of symptoms can apply to multiple things. My bipolar was diagnosed first as depression, then cyclothymia, then as bipolar 2, and now bipolar 1- partially because I was initially witholding symptoms because I was afraid to get a bipolar diagnosis, like my grandpa has. The same's happening with the dissocative stuff, although I have vagely been mentioning it to psichiatrists and therapists since a kid.

I guess, if you think you may have something, it's best to tell the doctor straight-out and see what they think of it. Hm, I should get on that too I guess, since I keep telling others to. XD

Thank you. It helps to know I'm not alone in keeping it all inside. X

I NEVER tell ANY therapist I have alters. I wouldn't recommend anyone else making the same choice as me, but. Yeah. You're not alone.

... I did get DDNOS slapped on me, though. Actually, that's when/why I stopped making my appointments.

I feel like I'll give the others more power if someone else accepts them as real. If someone else starts talking to them (knowingly) and "helping" them, that/those alters may become too willful, "stuck outside/locked out/unable to retreat", or traumatized.

I'm happy that others have ways of coping with their disorder, but I think encouraging my alters to come out, talk and live lives of their own would be more harmful than good, for me. We are one big emergency back-up system. I try to avoid situations where switching is triggered/necessary.

Havoctoria wrote:
I feel like I'll give the others more power if someone else accepts them as real. If someone else starts talking to them (knowingly) and "helping" them, that/those alters may become too willful, "stuck outside/locked out/unable to retreat", or traumatized.

I'm happy that others have ways of coping with their disorder, but I think encouraging my alters to come out, talk and live lives of their own would be more harmful than good, for me. We are one big emergency back-up system. I try to avoid situations where switching is triggered/necessary.

I agree with this, it's kinda how I feel, with giving/allowing them to have names; calling them "the angry one", etc, makes me feel more comfortable with it, is less scary, undermines their power. Also why I don't tell anyone really about them, because then it'll feel more 'real'.



Also, I mentioned more to my doctor yesterday! He's actually now using the term 'dissocative disorder' rather than 'depersonalization', but again, he said there's typically not much that can be done with medications and stuff, and I can't afford therapy, so, it's all up to me to work on this. Plus, the bipolar has gotten more severe again, so he's back to severely focusing on that and we're trying a new medicine... but I am happy that he actually called it a dissocative disorder, because although I knew I had one (like I also knew about the OCD and bipolar before diagnosii), I always get paranoid self-diagnosing, paranoid that I'm wrong and imagining it and whatnot. So it was calming to hear the doctor say it. =]

For us (my system of alters) there is no thought of encouraging alters to come out and live their own lives. It's about an acceptance that we share this body, this life. It's about encouraging communication between us so that whoever is out makes decisions about our life that all of us would be happy with, if necessary waiting until we've all had a chance to discuss it before making a decision. Therapy for us is about expressing and discussing anything that is bothering any one of us that day. Often it's stuff from the past that we never told anyone and tried not to think about or didn't remember, until now. X